FWB help!!

[Pewee91]

I'm soooo confused over a friends with benifits relationship! He lately has been giving mixed signals and I'm not the only one who has picked up on it! Basically, my best friend is dating his best friend and after a night out we ended up going home together... we have know each other for many years beforehand. This kind of relationship was far from what I planned but it just happened, so for the last 4/5 months this has been going on. We laid down the "just casual" "no feelings" rules on the first night. But when we meet he stays the night, and may visit 3/4 times a week, recently staying over for 2 weeks straight... at the start we didn't cuddle or anything like that but lately he's been spending more time talking, picks me up after a night out, blows of nights with the 'boys' to come over, comes home from nights out early to mine, gets jealous of any other guy that comes near me and hugs and kisses me all the time... BUT he can also be really stand of ish and defensive if someone points how close he gets out to him... is this what a friends with benifits relationship is? Or do you think he's getting feelings? No nasty comments please as I'm very inexperienced in this lol!

[Hollyj]

What do you want?

[ThatwasThen]

The thing with FWB or FB you BOTH have to periodically ask if the dynamic has changed for either of you. Open and honest communication has to be forthcoming or you end up catching feelings due to the crossing of platonic relationship boundaries and oxytocin bonding.

 

You obviously want more then being his FWB so talk to him and find out why he's acting like this is more then it was originally planned on. If he doesn't want more then what it was suppose to be then YOU need to have some strong boundaries with him wherein you do not cross FWB boundaries like him sleeping over, cuddling, staying for two weeks and anything else that makes you think he wants more then to just schtuup and then hang out with the crowd once in a while as a group (not one-on-one) Or you do the real smart cookie thing an you end it all with him because he's stagnating you from finding a guy that will commit to you as long as you're doing him.

[Wiseman2]

What you are describing is a fwb situation. It's not just hookups, hence the term "friends" in the phrase fwb.

 

Regardless of what others say, it matters what he says. It sounds like you are catching feelings...do you want more such as exclusive dating?

We laid down the "just casual" "no feelings" rules on the first night. he can also be really stand of ish and defensive if someone points how close he gets out to him.

[JaggerJim]

Does he have sex with you everytime? Or are there sexless nights with just cuddles and hanging out.

 

Does he take you out on "dates"? Buy you things? Ring you? Text you? Having nights just talking for hours with no sex?

 

If it's a no to all of the above, your in a FWB situation.

[Pewee91]

I want to ask him about it, and I think that is going to have to be done pretty soon! I have become so unsure of my feelings toward this guy and I need to get it clear before i actually end up falling for him! I just needed to make sure that this is what a usual friends with benefits relationship is!x

[BobbiJo]

He is definitly sending mixed signals and obviously feelings are starting to get in the way. Have you tried laying stern rules not just the no feelings. At the same time you may be sending mixed signals as well. My suggestion would be to not let him stay nights or show the same in return. This can ruin a frienship and make reconciliation hard for you both. You need to decide if its really worth the pain and heart ache you both may feel in the end. What's worth more...... a broken heart or a broken friendship?? Please don't break each other. Its not worth all of those years developing what you had.... a solid friendship.

[fixyou_]

Sounds like he wants more, but you need to ask. FWB isn't all bad... my first fwb turned into an engagement, but it didn't work out. Good luck.

[ThatwasThen]

I want to ask him about it, and I think that is going to have to be done pretty soon! I have become so unsure of my feelings toward this guy and I need to get it clear before i actually end up falling for him! I just needed to make sure that this is what a usual friends with benefits relationship is!x

 

Do you WANT more then FWB with him? Figure out what you want and then have that conversation. It will go much better if you actually know what you want because if he doesn't give it to you, you can end the dynamic (if its more and he's not on board) or you can straighten him out that it's only FWB and the bonding rituals have to stop if you decide you just want FWB with him.

 

So: What do you want?