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Struggling with break


KantSleep

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Hi there. This is my first post. My BF of 14 months indicated he needed a "break" from me. There was a lot of drama regarding his ex and his son. Drama I helped fuel by not being able to handle his son's rejection of me, among other things. I don't know what "break" means. He said he needed time to clear his head, but that he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. The break was a few days ago and he has not contacted me. I find it painful to read about his comings and goings on social media, so I guess it's best I don't look. I have been a wreck - constantly ruminating about how I screwed things up royally with my festering and jealous behavior. He is a wonderful man and the best thing that ever happened to me. I am terrified he will be relieved he doesn't have to deal with the drama while on this break, and dump me permanently. Til I know that, I am in limbo and not coping well. There was no indication how long this "break" will be. I don't want to contact him because he asked for this break, but my employer is looking for a headcount for next month's xmas party and I don't know what to say to them. I would need to ask him but I don't want to put him in that position. Has anyone else ever been on a "break"? What are the rules? Sorry if my question seems ridiculous. I am so sad and hurting.

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Don't ask him ...really , in the grand scheme of things a work christmas party is nothing ..

 

Anything pushing you do now will indeed make him pull away .

 

Sadly needing a break is usually the preface to a split , I hope that is not the case darling , but as said , any pushing and it will have a bad outcome .

 

It is your choice how long you are prepared to wait , pure and simple ...

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Listen to me very carefully. Ignore him at all costs and let him do all the reaching out from now on. Take back the power that he now thinks HE has. Ignore his phone calls and let him come to realize you are not some toy that he can put on the shelf and get down as and when HE wants to. You MUST do this. You may think this will push him away further. On the contrary, it will make him value you MORE.

 

If you don't do this then even if he comes back on this occasion this will be the pattern forever. Put your foot down now. People subconsciously respect strength.

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How long before you started dating has he been divorced? Why do you care what his son thinks? You are dad's gf and it's his problem to get his son adjusted to that.

 

Is he still in a tug-of-war with his wife? What was the jealousy about and why do you assume everything is your fault?

 

Unfortunately "breaks" usually mean things are not working out and it's a way to end things trying to minimize drama by not coming out and saying that.

 

Stay no contact and block him. Is he trying to reconcile with his wife?

My BF of 14 months indicated he needed a "break" from me. There was a lot of drama regarding his ex and his son. not being able to handle his son's rejection of me.with my festering and jealous behavior.
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Go to counseling to manage your negative emotions. If he took you back in two weeks, what would have changed on your end that you don't mess things up again? How have you gained the skills to deal with the issues? Your best bet at getting him back would be to tell him you're in counseling if he does contact you again. This will show how much you care and give him hope it would actually work a second time. If you two don't get back together, the counseling will help you be a better partner in the future for someone else.

 

Even though you're not a stepparent, it would be helpful for you to read books on that topic. It will help you to know how children are feeling when their parents marriage has dissolved and their parents get new partners. Those types of books will teach you how you should behave in your role.

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