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Still sad, about imagined relationship, months on.


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I'm still unreasonably upset that my only shot, thus far, for a boyfriend fell off the face of the earth a few moths ago. I find myself obsessing over him and wondering why I wasn't what he wanted. I just want to meet other people but I don't go anywhere aside from work. Help please. I feel pathetic and desperate. I cringe when I recall our interactions. Ugh.

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All you can do is hop back on the horse again and start dating. Dating apps are good for shy people.

a boyfriend fell off the face of the earth a few moths ago. I just want to meet other people but I don't go anywhere aside from work

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I don't have hobbies. I keep to myself. I lie in bed all day. And, in addition to fearing murder, I always feel like I'm misrepresenting myself in pictures online. Like some would meet me and insult me. Eh.

 

It sounds like you are depressed. What do you think it will take, to snap you out of this funk? Your just going through a rough patch.

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It sounds like being hung up on this guy is just a symptom of something bigger going on.

How about taking the focus off him and putting it on yourself and addressing some of your issues that prevents you from living a full and fulfilling life?

Edited by reinventmyself
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I don't have hobbies. I keep to myself. I lie in bed all day. And, in addition to fearing murder, I always feel like I'm misrepresenting myself in pictures online. Like some would meet me and insult me. Eh.

 

If you constantly live in a world where you don't do this or don't do that and/or you don't have this or you don't have that then, sadly, you'll never do or have anything.

 

Realize the chances of you being murdered are VERY slim. In 2013, the US government reported that there were about 92 murders a day by guns. That's roughly 92 people out of approximately 320,000,000...making your chances of being randomly murdered on any given day 0.00002875%. That's the reality. You have a 100% chance of never meeting anyone if you stay in bed all day.

 

You need to rewire your neural pathways and align yourself with more positive energy. This will be incredibly hard and I suggest you see a therapist or mental health professional. You've probably been having negative and destructive though patterns for most of your life; your brain is literally addicted to the negativity because it's all it knows. The brain, however, is an INCREDIBLE organ. You CAN absolutely retrain it to think however you choose.

 

Trust your self and know that you are capable of doing something to change this. Make a plan and stick to it. I believe in you and you owe it to yourself. Be the person that you and I and everyone else in the world wants and needs you to be. You got this.

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A relationship isn't going to magically make your life fulfilling. Not only that, but if your partner is your whole world it will burn out fast.

 

I hope honestly believe you shouldn't even consider dating for at least a year. Focus on creating a life for yourself independently. Try new hobbies until you find something you love. Do you work? Volunteer? You say you hate your town, move? A healthy relationship is the icing on the cake of an already fulfilled life.

 

I think it would be worth talking to a therapist and your family doctor as well. You are showing some unhealthy thought patterns and signs you may be depressed. You might need some professional help to get you over this period in your life.

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Sitting in your bed all day won't solve the problem, just sayin. I know it seems hard right now, but the more you shut yourself out, the worse it will get. Like previous comments; go volunteer, travel, take yourself out! There is nothing wrong with taking yourself out on a date. Do things you always wanted to do; even if you don't feel like it, then force yourself to.

 

Oh and go to the gym! Gym is the best therapy. Let out your anger and stress through weightlifting or cardio, anything! Not only will the gym help relieve tension and stress, but you will start looking good too. Win-win.

 

You cannot base your happiness on someone; that is the hugest mistake most people do. They make the person they date their whole focus and life, and that is the worst thing anyone can do. If you can't put yourself first, then people will start treating you like how you treat yourself.

 

It hurts like a b****, everyone has been through it. But just think about it, the more you think about this guy; the more you are wasting precious time and energy on somebody who probably isn't giving a second thought about you. Sounds harsh, but unfortunately that's how it goes sometimes. You will be OK. You will get through this.

 

I recommend writing the things you are grateful of in a journal each morning. At first, I thought it was dumb and corny after a break-up, but it has helped me so much. I started becoming more positive of the things in my life and concentrated less on my ex. It made me realize there is more to life than a relationship.

 

Lots of luck and hugs.

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I agree with many of the suggestions above. However, if you are limited by the fact that you live in a hick town, the maybe you should look for opportunities to move somewhere to have a better job and more opportunities to meet people.

 

1) join a gym and get a trainer if you don't regularly work out.

2) if you used to go to church and don't go now, consider going back. This was something that helped me. I know it's not for everyone, butt you may find comfort and direction.

3) Find a cause that you can volunteer for.

4) surround yourself with high-value people that you like and know are successful in their own lives. Distance yourself from people that you know will keep lines of communication open to him.

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The best way to combat fear is action. Do anything that is healthy for you. Join fitness classes, read up on self help books, this is the time to focus on being the best you. You can't control who you meet and who comes into uiyr life so just forget it. Set goals focus on it and everything will fall into place. Trust. Believe . have faith.

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And going back to church for me was a life saver. I met a lot of great people too and new friends. You got to get out of the rabbit hole! The biggest realization I had was NO ONE will pull you out but you. Sorry friend. No one can save you but you. You must know this.

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