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Me [24 M] with my gf [34 F] for a complicated year


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Hey guys,

I've met her when she was in relationship with someone else, she cheated on him with me, and some time after that they broke up(in May). We were seeing each other, but we weren't a couple. She would try to come back to him and ocassionally met with, until he told her that he has found a new girlfriend. That was the day she told me she's ready to move on, that the fact he has found someone made her feel like she doesn't have to care about she hurt him since he has found a new start, and that it's time for her too.


Obviously, I felt like it's a bad thing to build on, so I said I won't start like that, we can see each other, but I won't become her boyfriend just because her ex has a new girlfriend. I gave it some time to chill but after a month, we started to date each other. It was nice for a short while, but soon we started to argue, a lot, and we could never solve anything, because she would say she doesn't want to talk about it and often just left to 'give it some time to cool down'. Of course, after it cooled down, we would almost never come to any agreeement, just continued to be with each other as we both missed each other a lot and it felt good when we were together.


One day she met the other guy again to complete some bussiness about the car(they were together for 5 years, that leaves some liabilities to fix). The thing that bothered me was that it was for his car and she was the one super involved, she was going to him for the papers, she was finding the best offer spending time on it and after she did all that, he invited her for a beer as a "thanks". Apparently, he told her he broke up with his girlfriend in whom he fell in love. They also talked about how they burned out in their past relationship. She told him she's missing their two common friends with whom they played board games every two weeks or so. The same week he called and said he has set a meeting and she's invited if she wants. She went with him and I just couldn't stop wondering if she even thinks about my feelings or just do the thing that is most comfortable for her. It was the moment I snapped, I started to think about all the times she made decissions concerning us just basing on what she wants on this very right moment.


I went under his and her balconies like a stalker, to catch them doing anything in either one's home, it wouldn't even have to be ing if she didn't tell me they met together as two after the meeting with friends. But it wasn't fear like before anymore, it was something more like "do it to me, so I get over you". She didn't but I still couldn't feel good about it. I went to her, told her I'm getting mentally ed up because of how we work together and said I need to stop it. Few days later we had a job meeting and we were both invited, we drank few beers, we kissed, she said sorry for everything, that she wouldn't do it if she knew how it'll work on me, that it wasn't even needed, she went and felt like she's not a part of it anymore, but she just wanted me to trust her no matter what she does. It was t he first time I told her I love her, she didn't tell it back(It's okey because we were kinda drunk and that's not how you should talk about this stuff). We came back together and it was good for a few days, but when we went to buy a guinea pig, we had argument on the way, she left saying "I think I've had enough", I followed her, told her to not leave&say that during the argument unless she's sure of her decission, because I can't have it this way much longer. She said she is, that we just don't fit to each other. I followed her to home and started to pack my stuff. When I did, we talked, but ended up arguing again, she told me to leave, so I left, feeling like it's all over again.


But two days later, she messaged me again, saying that she's sorry, that she loves me too, saying she wants that guinea pig with me. I really wanted to say no and at least give it some time, it felt like right decission. But I couldn't, after all it's a girl I chased for so long. But again... it was good just for a moment, then I started to sense all these things around, and I couldn't stop about it, when we argued lately about really small , we didn't split but had a 'moment of silence', I asked if we're still going to go for a shopping as we planned. We did. It was still silence during the walk, after around 5 minutes, she said she won't be going in this kind of atmosphere, and that she will go other way on the closest crossroad, I can do the shopping alone. We talked some and she went away anyway. We later met at home and reunited, but day after I started a talk, that I can't go like this, that we really don't feel each other. She told me okey, but we can't keep splitting so let's make a decission now, going left or right. It wasn't easy but I left her. Soon after that she started to message me, pretty much daily, I tried to be cold, but sometimes I couldn't. One day we met to talk since we work together and need to fix the bad atmosphere(can't even look at your coworker), but after I walked her home, she asked if she could kiss me in a cheek, I bent, and she kissed my mouth. I didn't stop her, I followed the kiss, but I said I really have to go since I promised to myself to not make any decission under emotions, she said okey, but that she knows who and what she wants, that I won't be safe standing near her, because she wants me and unless I'll be hard, she will "use me". We talked some but I still didn't want to come back.


Two days later(it was weekend) she messaged me again, she said that we're doing all wrong and if that's really my decission, she will accept it, but let's stop making hope for ourselves. That was the moment I again felt like the first day I broke up with her, like if I lost her one more time. I felt like , messaged her and told her I can't do it anymore, it's not a play for me, and that we have to keep that decission for real, that I won't be giving her any hope, and that she shouldn't try to come back to me either. Over and out, stop kidding ourselves about being friendly coworkers for now, let's just give it a longer while and not talk about anything else but work and necessary stuff.


She told me she just wants to be with me, again, that she loves me, to give us one last chance, she knows what she did wrong and that she will be better, without joking around, one last try for real and if we don't make it, that's it. I said no at first but my decission broke down eventually, I went to her and gave her one last try after a talk, she's really trying to be better, but.. every day, when I look at her now, I think I don't have it anymore, I'm not feeling like I love her anymore, I lost something along the way of arguments and bad decissions, but I definitelly don't feel that big thing that made me want to be with her no matter what.


And I don't know what to do, should I try to get it back, is it even possible? or should I just tell her I lost it and we need to split up? Both decissions feel wrong, one because every day might make it worse, second because I didn't give it a real try and I'm giving up after few days...



tl;dr: Work, romanse, arguments, stopped loving(?).

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Her behaviour is ridiculous.. and she does not love you. She just loves all the attention.

Insecure woman.. with tangles web of men and broken relationships.


She is NOT for you. She is NOT ready for you.. or anyone else... mentally & emotionally.Time to accept and walk.

She can't 'give' anything to you right now, at this time in her life.

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