Confused

[Marie83]

Why does communication with an ex hurt? Even if it's calm and civil and kind, it still hurts. My birthday was Monday and we talked on the phone again. My ex said he was depressed, hated where he is living, he was lonely and homesick, etc. I asked why he had a bad week. He said because he was dumped on my birthday....

 

I don't know why but that stung like hell. I don't know if that's just me being too emotional or if it would bother anyone else. He still hasn't asked about PA school either. I don't know if there is something wrong with me and I am just plain blind.

 

He seems to want to be in contact but it just doesn't seem meaningful or in any way related to truly caring about me. I do not know if it's for his ego or selfish reason.

 

It was and is nice to hear how he is doing, but it seems so one sided. And even then, he is thousands of miles away in the northeast so we haven't seen each other in months and our communication until late has been pretty negative. It's not negative anymore just that he is depressed and I am working on myself in therapy and working on changing aspects of myself that caused us problems.

 

I know things could have been better. It just sometimes it feels as if something is dying like I am caring less and less with this distance and that kills me even more. I loved him so much. I do not want that to die. I have never felt or had something so special with someone else before. It was like magnets and euphoria and butterflies everywhere. He made me so nervous and still does.

 

I just do not know what to do. I'm sober and haven't been the past two months because I couldn't sleep and drank to sleep at night. It has increased my anxiety. I never had a drinking problem either before. I just used alcohol to not feel and sleep after the breakup. I'm doing everything I can. I'm not dating. I'm focusing on myself and growing. I just feel so lost and stuck. I don't want to let go and realize I lost the best thing in my life or hold on until everything feels dead. I do not understand love and loss. I do not know if this is normal because I have never felt so much for someone before and put some much energy, time and everything I could for someone else. I just sometimes think I'm unlovable and I'll never have this type of love again in my life and the crazy thing is that maybe it's just me, maybe he never felt this way and maybe he feels nothing now and I am scared and don't ever want to feel nothing. I don't want to let it die.

 

What's wrong with me?

[HeartGoesOn]

What's wrong with me?

 

My guess is you're at war with yourself because you know you're settling for crumbs, while your self-respect is slowly diminishing. Having said that, I'm not trying to minimize your pain, but the first step is to close that final door and clear your thoughts in order to begin to go forward.

 

One day at a time, one step at a time. Be kind to yourself...

[Marie83]

Thank you! Yeah, I don't want to continue to be so torn in two different directions. I just want to be appreciated, loved and treated respectfully and I don't think a man ever will. I'm sick of getting hurt. I just have never been so devastated before because this was such a strong connection. The strongest I've ever known and I'm in my mid 30s and been in relationships since I was 20. I just wanted a healthy and happy relationship and eventually have a family someday.

[SooSad33]

Never say never.. and if he is in your past now... you NEED to work on accepting that. Dont keep contact.. if it hurts.

 

Yes, you'll find love again.. but not right now.. while you are still working on yourself. Dont rush things.

 

As for sleep? Try to avoid alcohol. You're seeing therapist? Good.

As for sleep issue, there's many more alternatives out there. Sleepy time tea, Melatonin (natural boost).

All else fails.. speak to your Dr. I take lorazapam.. helps with anxiety as well b4 bed.

[Wiseman2]

Yuck. What kind of birthday greeting is that? Stop talking to him. It's over and he's being very negative. With 'friends' like this who needs enemies?

 

Choose people who enter and stay in your life wisely. Only negative people can stand being around other negative people so be careful about all the maudlin whiny energy you keep letting in.

My birthday was Monday and we talked on the phone again. My ex said he was depressed, hated where he is living, he was lonely and homesick, etc.