How do I deal with having a crush that I can't meet up with?

[Nappar]

I’ve had a crush on a friend of mine for a long time, but she’s had a boyfriend since i met her. I figured this meant she was obviously unavailable and I actually had no problems seeing her as just a friend.

Than she broke up with him a while ago ago. I figured I’d ask her to hang out a bit after that and try to get a feeling about how she feels about me. (or maybe just straight up confess if I can’t figure it out either way)

 

Now she apologized and told me she was very busy and not really up to it and I haven’t been able to hang out or even speak to her personally ever since.

 

I understand that it’s normal after a breakup (or maybe she’s really not interested and the fact that i’m not even that close a friend should tell me enough), but I would’ve liked to give it at least a try before i try to move on (or before she has a new boyfriend).

The problem is that this situation could probably remain unchanged for a pretty long time and it is emotionally really really draining.

 

Any tips or advice on how best to deal with this?

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately I would take this to mean she's not ready to date. Where do stand now? Back to the friendzone or she's backed off?

 

Why haven't you been able to speak to or hang out with her? Do you think you moved in on her too soon?

I figured I’d ask her to hang out a bit after that and try to get a feeling about how she feels about me.told me she was very busy and not really up to it.

[Reflections11]

Move on. She knows you are interested. She is not. You may want to give it a try before you move on, but clearly she doesn't.

 

Go socialize, meet new people, get engaged in life, and maybe scale back your interaction with her and the time you spend infatuating yourself with her.

[ThatwasThen]

I suspect that if you actually start dating another girl, she'll suddenly find you interesting. So: Set your sites on someone who isn't just getting over a breakup (you don't want to be her rebound anyway) and forget her. If you actually find a good girlfriend, you won't care if she suddenly DOESN'T find you interesting.

 

Don't contact her anymore. It's ridiculous to try and be friends with someone you want more with. It will just keep you unmotivated to find a girl that does want you.

[catfeeder]

Depends on how long the friend was with the BF, how long ago they broke up, and your ages.

 

A teenager who dated a guy for a few months is likely to have an entirely different grief timeframe and process than a woman in her 20 or 30s who's been seriously involved with a BF for years.