asking out coworker dilemma

[tom1607307597]

Among other issues, one is stressing me out at my workplace. There is a girl who I haven't really talked to much but we say Hi to each other sometimes. I have a strong urge to ask her out for coffee sometime. However the professional side of me recognizes that I shouldn't be dating coworkers. This is for a number of the usual reasons people say not to date someone at work, but also because I recognize I'm not very experienced at dating. Based on my past catastrophes with girls messing this up almost spell disaster. The thing is she must have liked me too because she's gone from being friendly with me for about a week or two to being cold. It seems that women do that when they feel rejected by a guy? I don't like that awkward tension. Now that all of that is out of the way I'm not sure what to do: if I don't try asking her out I'm safeguarding my job against the potential fallout of trying to date a coworker at the (small) cost of things being awkward. If I do and things were to work out I'd probably have to look for a new job so we can avoid. More of less I feel the need to weigh my desire to stay in this job vs possibly dating a girl I happened to meet here. Both options seem stressful and my life already feels stressed out as is. There actually might be a 2nd girl that has happened to as well... not trying to be a playboy or anything this just happened with me trying to be friendly and sociable with people outside of my team.

 

This is mainly what has me concerned:

It's like an itch I absolutely cannot scratch and it's driving me crazy. If I had a GF outside of work this wouldn't be an issue of course. I haven't been able to meet girls outside of work unfortunately.

[BigKK]

You're infatuated and can't get over it. If you care about your job then drop it out of your mind and try to date.

 

Don't sh*t where you sleep, you will regret it

[JaggerJim]

She's already displaying cold behavior, so imagine going out with her.

[tom1607307597]

She's already displaying cold behavior, so imagine going out with her.

 

Well I didn't make a move on her after a couple of weeks, it makes sense. I'm kind of wondering if women also consider the ramifications of dating a coworker, or if they just expect the guy to ask them out. I't not that simple.

[JaggerJim]

Well if you don't mind the pitfalls of dating another co-worker then you should probably ask her out. But if she stays in this cold moody way with you, avoid her at all costs.

[j.man]

The thing is she must have liked me too because she's gone from being friendly with me for about a week or two to being cold.

I'd say more often than them getting cold because they feel "rejected" by you simply exchanging greetings, they get cold when they start seeing the looks you give and want to give the exact opposite signal.

 

She's a co-worker and she's showing no signs of interest. I'd leave it alone.

[Wiseman2]

Then do work-related socializing such as coffee breaks or lunch hours to feel it out first. Don't just leap at asking for coffee, drinks etc outside of work.

 

Agree, first look outside of work for dating opportunities such as dating apps, groups, activities, clubs, interests, etc.

I have a strong urge to ask her out for coffee sometime. I shouldn't be dating coworkers

[WithLove]

You're infatuated and can't get over it. If you care about your job then drop it out of your mind and try to date.

 

Don't sh*t where you sleep, you will regret it

 

Whoa! Welcome back, stranger!!

[lizzyborden]

What kind of workplace is it? Why haven't you tried to say more than Hi? Has she approached you or said anything to you?

[tom1607307597]

Then do work-related socializing such as coffee breaks or lunch hours to feel it out first. Don't just leap at asking for coffee, drinks etc outside of work.

 

Agree, first look outside of work for dating opportunities such as dating apps, groups, activities, clubs, interests, etc.

 

I think I'll take your advice on this. Since I haven't talked to her much I should see if she's just being friendly or something else.

 

What kind of workplace is it? Why haven't you tried to say more than Hi? Has she approached you or said anything to you?

 

It's an office style environment. The girl in question works on a different team than me. I have on one or two occasions: once we had lunch kinda randomly but I had to get cut off my lunch early (she sat down with me even though she usually eats at her desk). Another time we talked about what we did over the weekend and I suggested we grab lunch sometime but I didn't get a solid answer. Management doesn't forbid dating coworkers, I'm just being cautious about putting myself in a bad position.