My girlfriend wants a break from texting all the time, but not seeing each other

Confusedbf12 · November 16, 2016

Okay, so I've been with my gf about 6 months. I've basically been living at her house for 3 months. Sunday she asked if I was happy because we had been arguing a lot, mainly over texting. She admits it's her who starts the argument with me over nothing. She doesn't know why I upset her so much, when she said she knows I'm a good guy. She told me she wants to stop texting all week, but still have me stay over every night. She says the break is so I MYSELF will realize if I want to be with her or not, not the other way around. She says she's fully confident she wants to be with me. It's driving me insane. After 2 days I can't stand the fact she hasn't been texting me. So my question is, why would she want a break from texting to see if I really love her? I think she's questioning things and just putting the experiment on me. Please help.

Confusedbf12 · November 16, 2016

And when she asked if I was happy, I said yes I'm happy, but obviously I'm not when we are in the middle of an argument over something she gets upset over for no reason. For example, the other night when I went over there, I came into her room and kissed her on the forehead right when I got home. I then left and went to the kitchen to cook my last meal. When I came back after eating, she was upset I didn't kiss her on the lips. She then rolled to the other side of the bed and went to sleep mad at me. The next day, she said she knows that's ridiculous but when the situation is in the middle of happening she can't stop herself from getting mad.

pippy longstocking · November 16, 2016

I am sure she is lovely , but blimey ..bit of a drama queen me thinks ..it makes no sense to have you over every night , but not to text ...she is creating drama .

Confusedbf12 · November 16, 2016

I am sure she is lovely , but blimey ..bit of a drama queen me thinks ..it makes no sense to have you over every night , but not to text ...she is creating drama .

It's all strange to me too. But I understand not wanting to text during the day because that's when she gets upset with me over little things. She misinterprets my texts and always thinks I'm being a jerk, but when I ask her, she says she knows I'm not a jerk and she says she's lucky to have me

reinventmyself · November 16, 2016

Texting is often the cause of arguments. Things get easily misconstrued in text. She is trying to preserve the relationship by cutting back.

Look at it as a good thing, not a negative.

pippy longstocking · November 16, 2016

It's all strange to me too. But I understand not wanting to text during the day because that's when she gets upset with me over little things. She misinterprets my texts and always thinks I'm being a jerk, but when I ask her, she says she knows I'm not a jerk and she says she's lucky to have me

ok well that makes it a bit clearer , so she is attempting to control herself and acknowledging her behavior is not right ...that's a good thing at least . You can never really win in your situation , you can;t do right for doing wrong when someone is so sensitive and getting upset over everything ..so this is about her getting her self to a place of confidence within herself and the relationship . It is not a bad thing to not text and I agree with her to some degree , the written word can be so easily misinterpreted .

I fear for you , you will go round in cricles , once this phase has passed and you reassure her she will no doubt be onto something else . So you have to be quite firm and not buy into all this drama ..be kind , but be firm and don't entertain any more games which are born out of her insecurities and need for validation off you .

Wiseman2 · November 16, 2016

Unfortunately it sounds like you are crowding and suffocating her. 6mos is way way too soon to practically be living there for the past 3 mos. It sounds like too much too soon too fast and the dating is over-saturating and you are getting on each other's nerves as a result.

No only stop text-tethering her but stop staying there so much. Being this clingy and needy and dependent will make you unattractive very quickly. maintain a life outside of her.

Do you live with your parents? Go back there most of the week so she can breathe and maybe even miss you once in a while . And stop the texting addiction.

been with my gf about 6 months. I've basically been living at her house for 3 months. we had been arguing a lot, mainly over texting. She told me she wants to stop texting all week, but still have me stay over every night.

Confusedbf12 · November 16, 2016

Well she says she wants to cut back for a week so that I'm sure I want to be with her. Should I expect it to stay this way for the remainder of the time we are together to eliminate arguments? I understand not texting if our day is the same as usually, but F there is something I need to tell her (I switched the laundry over, I loaded the dishwasher for you) should I be hesitant to text her those things?

pippy longstocking · November 16, 2016

Well she says she wants to cut back for a week so that I'm sure I want to be with her. Should I expect it to stay this way for the remainder of the time we are together to eliminate arguments? I understand not texting if our day is the same as usually, but F there is something I need to tell her (I switched the laundry over, I loaded the dishwasher for you) should I be hesitant to text her those things?

She will probably go back to normal after this weeks thing . But if not then sit down and talk about what communication she wants during the day .

boltnrun · November 16, 2016

Are you two teenagers?

I can't understand the drama of constantly getting into fights. Unless, of course, she loves the drama and the fight/make up cycle.

Why would you "need" to tell her you loaded the dishwasher? Can't she see the dishes are out of the sink/off the counter for herself? Learn to differentiate between "needing" and "wanting" to text her.

And why text, for the love of God, when you live together?????

Confusedbf12 · November 16, 2016

Unfortunately it sounds like you are crowding and suffocating her. 6mos is way way too soon to practically be living there for the past 3 mos. It sounds like too much too soon too fast and the dating is over-saturating and you are getting on each other's nerves as a result.

No only stop text-tethering her but stop staying there so much. Being this clingy and needy and dependent will make you unattractive very quickly. maintain a life outside of her.

Do you live with your parents? Go back there most of the week so she can breathe and maybe even miss you once in a while . And stop the texting addiction.

The thing is she wants me to still stay at her place. I have my own place, I don't live at home. I'm 25 and she's 23. I wasn't crowding her with texts either. It was the other way around. If I didn't text her first she would text me how that made her upset. Or if I didn't respond fast enough on my lunch break at work, she would argue she knows I'm on my phone and thinks I'm purposely ignoring her.

Wiseman2 · November 16, 2016

You shouldn't even be at her house to have to tell her all this. "i loaded the dishwasher' is not an urgent text. You're being way too clingy and controlling. Why are you there all the time? This is going to crash and burn in a couple of months

Well she says she wants to cut back for a week so that I'm sure I want to be with her. Should I expect it to stay this way for the remainder of the time we are together to eliminate arguments? I understand not texting if our day is the same as usually, but F there is something I need to tell her (I switched the laundry over, I loaded the dishwasher for you) should I be hesitant to text her those things?

Heavy · November 16, 2016

I think you are creating your own drama. Why do you need to be texting all day long?? Are you working if so why are you not working and texting.

Leave the technology alone whilst you are at school/work and bond with her when you spend time with each other.

boltnrun · November 16, 2016

You shouldn't even be at her house to have to tell her all this. "i loaded the dishwasher' is not an urgent text. You're being way too clingy and controlling. Why are you there all the time? This is going to crash and burn in a couple of months

I'm guessing if he's there, she'll complain he's there too much. If he's not there, she'll complain that he's not there enough.

Attention-grabbing drama queen is what I'm seeing here. And a guy who accommodates the drama because he's afraid he'll "lose" her if he puts his foot down and demands that the childish drama stop.

Confusedbf12 · November 16, 2016

Unfortunately it sounds like you are crowding and suffocating her. 6mos is way way too soon to practically be living there for the past 3 mos. It sounds like too much too soon too fast and the dating is over-saturating and you are getting on each other's nerves as a result.

No only stop text-tethering her but stop staying there so much. Being this clingy and needy and dependent will make you unattractive very quickly. maintain a life outside of her.

Do you live with your parents? Go back there most of the week so she can breathe and maybe even miss you once in a while . And stop the texting addiction.

You shouldn't even be at her house to have to tell her all this. "i loaded the dishwasher' is not an urgent text. You're being way too clingy and controlling. Why are you there all the time? This is going to crash and burn in a couple of months

I'm just giving an example. I don't think telling her that's is an urgent thing, but I just like to let her know so it will make her happy I did the dishes. Not so she feels obligated to unload the dishwasher lol

melancholy123 · November 16, 2016

Oh the agony of the addicted texter. There's no need to be texting constantly. People survive just fine by talking to each other in person, on the phone...whatever. Texting to say you loaded the dishwasher or are doing laundry is over the top. I'd tell you to stop too! Back off for the week and see how it goes.

Confusedbf12 · November 16, 2016

Unfortunately it sounds like you are crowding and suffocating her. 6mos is way way too soon to practically be living there for the past 3 mos. It sounds like too much too soon too fast and the dating is over-saturating and you are getting on each other's nerves as a result.

No only stop text-tethering her but stop staying there so much. Being this clingy and needy and dependent will make you unattractive very quickly. maintain a life outside of her.

Do you live with your parents? Go back there most of the week so she can breathe and maybe even miss you once in a while . And stop the texting addiction.

I think you are creating your own drama. Why do you need to be texting all day long?? Are you working if so why are you not working and texting.

Leave the technology alone whilst you are at school/work and bond with her when you spend time with each other.

I agree with this 100%. It's just the fact she wants to limit contact with me, makes me think she doesn't want to talk to me and figure out her feelings. I think she wants to figure out if she wants me, because I tell her I know I want her.

ParisPaulette · November 16, 2016

It sounds like maybe she knows she's out of control on the texting thing and she's trying to stop. Texting frankly should have no part in a relationship beyond "Hey, honey. Would you pick up a pizza on the way home? I forgot to put out anything to thaw for supper."

And yes, it is all too easy to read the wrong things into a text as so perfectly illustrated by a Key and Peele skit on the topic. But it sounds like it's really just something she is struggling with and knows she is out of control on.

This is the time to find out if you two can really make things work face-to-face, communicating in person rather than via a keyboard, and I think it's a good thing provided it brings you two closer and into better communication.

BUT if she continues to have this as an issue or the fighting doesn't stop, then it may be time to really explore other options.

Wiseman2 · November 16, 2016

Agree, you are over-staying your welcome and overdoing the nonsense chronic contact. She's seeing if she's sick of you.

Do either of you have a life outside of her apt or texting? What did either of you do 6mos ago?

I think she wants to figure out if she wants me, because I tell her I know I want her.

SooSad33 · November 16, 2016

Involved 6 months... very close together for the last 3.

Has more arguing gone on since the move in?

I feel you moved in way too fast.. too soon.

Why do u need to text so much.. you're living with her now. Do you think YOU are over bearing... or insecure?

As for hr not happy cause you didnt kiss her on the lips... get over it, lady.

Confusedbf12 · November 16, 2016

Unfortunately it sounds like you are crowding and suffocating her. 6mos is way way too soon to practically be living there for the past 3 mos. It sounds like too much too soon too fast and the dating is over-saturating and you are getting on each other's nerves as a result.

No only stop text-tethering her but stop staying there so much. Being this clingy and needy and dependent will make you unattractive very quickly. maintain a life outside of her.

Do you live with your parents? Go back there most of the week so she can breathe and maybe even miss you once in a while . And stop the texting addiction.

Agree, you are over-staying your welcome and overdoing the nonsense chronic contact. She's seeing if she's sick of you.

Do either of you have a life outside of her apt or texting? What did either of you do 6mos ago?

If I tell her I'm going to stay at my house, she insists on me staying. I don't tell her I want to every night. I'm afraid if I tell her I'm going to my house, she gets upset and thinks i don't want her.

Heavy · November 16, 2016

^^^^ This is where you need to say "No" in a polite way. Having your own space is really good and having your own friends as well so when you do spend time together and talk that you are not just talking about the same things over and over again.^^^^

sarabi · November 16, 2016

I myself have gone thru that, my husband is actually the one who acts like your girlfriend and I think she just doesn't know if you're really set and ready for her because she probably thinks she's too much to handle for you since she's a bit of a drama queen , you just have to show her you really want to be with her

Confusedbf12 · November 16, 2016

^^^^ This is where you need to say "No" in a polite way. Having your own space is really good and having your own friends as well so when you do spend time together and talk that you are not just talking about the same things over and over again.^^^^

Okay thank you for the advice. I know she will be upset but somehow I need to get her to this realization.

Wolfshook · November 16, 2016

Soo, she basically gets upset at everything and you're always afraid to breathe so she doesnt get upset?

I do agree with her decision to cut on texting when you're able to spend most of the time together.

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