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No contact...when does it start feeling better?


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My ex and I split just over 3 weeks ago. Very intense relationship, was only just over 3 months but first relationship for us both in quite a long time and I had real feelings for him.


I was pretty blindsided by the break up and stupidly, done all the begging etc. It was all done over text when I was out the country & I don't know how many texts/phone calls I made in my panicked state that day. A few times over the next week I initiated contact basically asking him to meet to discuss, apologising for stuff, basically being pretty pathetic. I think 4/8 days. I'm embarrassed by that, acting with my emotions and not my brain. He did answer some messages. 8 days after we broke up I texted asking if he'd be willing to talk, he asked what about & I said to clear the air and never got a reply. I went NC after that & removed him from facebook.


I'm on Day 16. I mean, I know there has been progress because the first few days he was on my mind every minute of the day and I cried pretty much everyday. Had to seriously fight the urges to message him. I still want to message him sometimes now but the actual need to do it isn't there like it was in the beginning. I haven't cried the last 2 days though today I got teary. There are times now when I think I don't want him back but there are still times when it hurts so much that I don't have him. Even when I don't want him back I still want to talk to him. I still think about him every single day though there are moments when I don't.


It's so hard to go from talking to someone every single day to nothing.


I know it's progress but it's not enough progress. I just don't want to feel this way anymore.

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The thing is, there's never a good time for a break up(at least for the dumper) and break-ups happen, we've all been here through many of them.


When will you start feeling better? When you realize, that this break-up probably had a reason, that there was something that wasn't working either for him or for you.

My ex girlfriend broke up with me 1.5 months ago, 4 days after the break-up she was already sleeping with her co-worker and texting her ex at the same time. You know, it was pretty tough for me..very. very tough. But surprisingly, I'm better now, I don't regret anything. And you know why? Because I'm focusing on myself, I want to be happy, I don't want anybody else to make me happy! Partners(girlfriends or boyfriends) should be just an addition to your life and we shouldn't relay on them 100% especially when the relationship is kind of fresh like yours (3 months is not long). I know that you're in tears now, sobbing, crying, etc.. I know because I was in your situation and was doing the same. But believe or not, after a few weeks you'll realize that you're way better without him. You will, I can promis you that.

Be happy! And by that I don't mean: "Laugh, smile, etc" I mean, do things for yourself! Focus on yourself and not on him. Leave him alone to let him know that he's lost a good person in his life.


And I know that this might sound like a stupid motivational speech, but this is the only thing that works.


Yeah, begging and being needy probably wasn't a great idea. The best idea is just to walk away. But what's been done has been done. You'll know next time : )


Holding my thumbs for you. Good luck!

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Yeah I feel like I had my life and I was happy & it was good having him around. For the beginning, he was that nice addition to my life. He kind of pushed for things to move quite quickly & I somehow got caught up in it. That independent girl who didn't need him was the one he fell for. Then in the last month I got really carried away with it. I definitely relied on him too much for my happiness and I don't know how that happened because I'm usually a very independent person. I'm frustrated with myself that I let that happen and I feel that's what led to it falling apart.


Same with the needy thing. It's not me and I don't know what it is about him that I acted that way.


I'm trying, I'm trying to do things I enjoy & do things for me. I'm not going to reach out to him because I know it's not the right thing to do. I just want to.

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I totally feel you because I'm going through the exact same thing! Just try and keep yourself occupied at all times, hang out with friends and although you may not want too, try talking to new people. And remember everything happens for a reason. If you too are meant to be it will happen eventually

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Have you heard the term "your other half" when referring to your partner?


It's true in many senses, breaking up with someone with whom you've come to know and understand well is like loosing a part of yourself. It takes time to adapt and rediscover yourself as a single "whole" person again.


In my experience the amount of time taken to get past the pain of a breakup is relative to the length of the relationship, 3 months is a relatively short time to be in a relationship with someone and i would expect you to be feeling more like your normal self after a few weeks.


Maintaining no contact is important, but its important to understand why no contact is important.


A broken heart is a wound like any other, if you were to fall and hurt yourself, for the wound to heal quickly it needs to be left alone to heal naturally. So avoid all temptation to look at facebook posts with your ex, etc.


As others have said maintain a positive and healthy lifestyle, hangout with friends, get plenty of sleep and exercise.


give it time and you will be just fine


Good luck

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It takes a while, depending on the length and intensity of the relationship. Those first two weeks will seem like an eternity, but it's really not that long in terms of the no-contact timeline. The good thing is, it does indeed start to get better. I know this is the worst thing to hear when you are in pain, but just give it time. The next two weeks will go faster than the first two weeks. The second month will go faster than the first. The important thing is to be strong enough to not make contact, or you will totally relapse and have to start all over.


In the meantime, you need to start focusing on yourself. When I go through this, I always try to start living a life that would make him regret losing me if he saw. (Though he wont see, you gotta do it for yourself).


I always become really dedicated to my fitness, so I can get in better shape, burn off some steam, and feel more attractive and confident.

I always dive into my social life, even though its usually the last thing I want to do . Spending as much time with friends, new and old, in time helps me move on and feel more appreciated. Plus, it opens up a lot of doors and helps get my mind off things (even though when im moping, i want to KEEP my mind on those things)

And often I try to find some third self development thing, some big goal to work on and focus on.


The point is, it gets better, but it takes time and you need to be patient with yourself. Start working out, spend more time with friends, and get busy finding a goal or passion to work on.

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I know, I feel so silly being so upset over someone who was only in my life for a few months but like...those few months we spoke everyday & already there were some routines. Things I got used to that were gone. I mean I am definitely better now than I was three weeks ago but I still feel so far away from being okay.


I'm trying really hard to keep busy. I'm making myself do things even when I don't want to. I'm trying to keep the everything happens for a reason thing in my head but I don't know how much I believe that.


I won't make contact. I tried going NC 3 days after the break up, caved 4 days later because I was still letting my emotions rule me. That set back the little bit of progress I had made so I won't do it again. I know that no matter how much I want to talk to him, what he's going to say isn't what I want to hear. That stops me, plus my pride. I lost a lot of it with my stupid emotion filled actions and I'm not going to contact him again and look pathetic. It's not who I am. Pretty sure I am stubborn enough to stick to this even on the days when I really want to reach out.


I've never been on this end of a break up before which probably makes it so much harder. How did I get to 24 before feeling this?

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it all takes time....



Been there... a short but intense relation.. left me in shambles Had to fight contact.. and keep going.

Been about 3 months now.


Just kep working on it... it will get easier. have that strength! No more contact.. begging etc. Sounds like you wanted some sort of closure.. you dont get it.. except the fact that its done now sorry.

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^^ yes, I think the fact that it ended over text with contradictory reasons left me so confused and denied me that proper finality.


Granted we did have an argument before I went away but it seemed sorted, I mean before I left I got "Everythings okay now, nothing to apologise for, I'll see you when you get home", to making plans for when I got home, him even booking things to suddenly...I don't want to be with you anymore and I was so damn confused I just wanted him to give me something. I have eventually accepted that he isn't going to give me that, I think I accepted that I wasn't going to get that closure the day I went NC but it doesn't mean I don't long for it.


I refuse to contact again and I wouldn't beg, now my head is at least a little bit clearer. I'm so embarrassed about doing that but I just acted with my emotions.


Thanks for your comment, I'm really glad there's someone else here whose struggled at the end of a short term relationship because sometimes I just feel so silly. I think though, it feels like it ended before it was really given a chance, before you were ready for it...there's not the same seeing it coming like there could potentially be with a longer relationship. I don't know....

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Yes... well most times, our EMOTIONS are involved with relationships... usually the woman more

So.. you reacted.. emotionally.


Now, just respect yourself and him.. and just leave it be.


Somtimes.. love does hurt I think i'll go single for a long while now. Too hard on my heart & head.

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I reacted far too emotionally. I honestly don't know what happened to me.


I am definitely leaving it be. It's been 17 days now, the urges to contact him are there but I don't feel like I'm going to act on them.


Oh I feel you there! I was single for a long time before this and I don't know if I can go through this again

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Day 19 and these 2 days have been the most difficult. I'm desperate to speak to him & have been struggling to ignore my urges. I haven't felt like this since the days initially after the break up. I though by day 19 it would be easier but it's definitely much harder right now than it was last week.

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Was looking for a photo on my phone& came across one of me & him that was never on facebook, instagram etc. I've seen pictures of him since the break up & not been at all bothered. Tonight I cried so hard my stomach actually hurt.


I swear I've found this last week harder than weeks 1&2. Maybe it's just that it's finally hitting home that he's really gone.

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everything you're going thru is normal. sometimes you think you're getting better and then the next day you feel like you're back to square one. take your time and grieve your loss - the process can't be rushed. In time, you'll start feeling better. But whatever you do, do not contact him. nothing good will come from that. There's a thread here that folks use to post instead of sending their ex a text - use that if you must. hope your days are better.

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Yeah, this last week I've felt like square one all over again. A little better today but still sad. I just don't want to feel like this anymore. I haven't contacted him. The urges to do so have faded somewhat again. I know I'd regret it if I did contact.

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Yeah, this last week I've felt like square one all over again. A little better today but still sad. I just don't want to feel like this anymore. I haven't contacted him. The urges to do so have faded somewhat again. I know I'd regret it if I did contact.


Unfortunately, it's never a straight line. Just when you think you are doing better another wave hits you.

Just know it's normal and be patient with yourself.

I am 4 months out and doing really well and then last week - I hit a snag.

Didn't see that coming but the good news is you start to bounce back quicker each time.

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