Loves me but after everything he has convinced himself breaking up is right

[breeec]

I'm 18, the boy i have been seeing is also 18. Ben

2 years ago when he had never been with a girl before and i started a new school we started speaking, because i was the first girl he has spoken to romantically he was all "loved up" always being cringey and really affectionate, we both were because it was all new. I turned out to be the first girl he had slept with and talked to romantically. Some boys at school began ringing me on unknown numbers saying horrible accusations like "Ben" is seeing another girl and "Ben says he hates you and doesn't really love you".. very very childish things. So every time that happened which happened from 9am in school into 3am in the morning at home, i kept asking Ben if these things were true? The things they were saying. He assured me they weren't (because they weren't it was just my ex and some boys trying to cause trouble) and told me to ignore everything .. it went on evern more and got out of hand with things they were saying. I care about Ben's feelings more than i have about anyone in my life, so when i kept asking if all these things said were true? ( because when certain things are said if you don't ask they play on your mind) i felt like by keep asking ben i was upsetting him because each time i asked he was upset that i would think he would say that' or do that, because he was a very shy and never had a girl before. It all got too much from the calls to upsetting ben so i panicked and i ending things with ben because of all the emotions that i was feeling for the first time! i ending things in a way i thought was good but later realised i ended it horribly. I didn't want to keep upsetting ben so i said we should just be friends and stop seeing each other, i loved him but i didn't know how to handle the situation at the time .. we ended but the idea of seeing him or hearing from him on social media or message made me feel sick so i blocked him off everything for a whole year. We didn't talk, i still loved him even after a year of being completely apart.

 

Early this year we surprisingly both asked our friend for the same lift back to our houses. I fessed up and told him we needed to speak because i wanted to explain the truth behind last year when i ended it. We met the next day and it was like all the emotions never left at all, he forgave me for what i had done and we carried on speaking this year again because we loved each other more and in a more mature manor. we started speaking again since july .. we met in may but he wanted them 2 months to think if we should carry on after last time! we surely stared seeing each other in july and after s few months i asked why we weren't official yet? (we have never been official) he explained he'd ask when the time was right?.. he has never asked..

2 months ago i realised that some days he was like what he was like last time we spoke (all lovey and affectionate) but some days he went very cold and i always kept asking what's the matter? why aren't you loving me like you did and doing all the things you have been doing? this carried on happening for about 2 months until about 3 weeks ago we had a massive argument where he said enough, he explained how he was loving me and giving me all the things i wanted but i wasn't feeling or seeing it, this is when he said it kept playing on his mind when i was saying all this and he tried to change to be like that but i was still feeling the same! He then said maybe is because we're not right for each other. After this argument i realised that the days he wasn't all (lovey) didn't actually mean something was wrong!! it was because over a year we both had matured and he was just comfortable with me! nothing more, so for 3 weeks we carried on whilst he was "thinking" if we should stay together or not until last night we met up and he explained that the damage had already been done and He loves me so much but he feels like the right thing to do is to end it because however much you love someone you might not be right for each other( take on board that at this point i'm still the first girl he has spoken to and done things with).. He also explained that it would be hard for both of us but it's the right thing to do so these things happen. I tried explaining my idea about a new start where we take our time and spend more time together and i have learnt from my mistakes and if you love someone you would try everything to make it work but he said how we can't forget about the things i said which made him think in his mind that we're not right for each other.. which after i explained about me misreading the situations he still says it still implanted into his head. I asked him this morning what about if he changed his mind will he tell me but he said he will not tell me because it will be like he is playing me, he explained that his decision stands and he will make sure he won't change his mind because he doesn't want me to wait around for him to "decide to or not to" be with me because he says that would be unfair on me. I asked this morning what about a break? where instead of breaking up when we both still love each other.. he has a feel for what it would be like without me, this will do one of two things. 1, make him realise he actually made the right decision and he is ok being without me or 2, he loves me so much he wants to overlook everything because he wants to be with me.. i'm scared he will not even consider it because it's like he has already made this decision and he isn't going to go back on it under any circumstances! please someone give me advice, two people who love each other like me and ben do are like soul mates, you cannot see or feel what i mean over this message but we have found each other once before i hope we will again! any advice off boys or girls as to what i should do to help me fix things. He believes it's the right thing to do even though he loves me and doesn't want to end it but his mind is telling him yes, i feel like giving him space will only push him away more! i want to keep fighting for him and i want him to give us one more go and let me show him how sorry i am and how i won't do that again but i don't know how to do it!!! obviously being all needy won't get me anywhere boy from a boys perspective or girls.. if you were in ben's position what would i have to do or give you for you to give me one last chance x

[MissCanuck]

He's already made his decision, girl.

 

He didn't make it official because there was too much drama between you two and you can't undo that. He doesn't feel the same way about you that you do about him. I know you won't see it now, but he's doing the kinder thing by ending it rather than giving you false hope. He can't force himself to want to be with you if he just doesn't want to. You can't really do anything.

 

You are both very young. It is better to let this go and move on - he essentially already has.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like some of your frenemies and others were playing tricks on you and you kept accusing him of the nonsense they were sending you. It sounds like some people were bullying you/messing with your head.

 

Unfortunately you let this make you insecure and clingy and took it out on him. Don't answer calls from unknown numbers. Learn to adjust your phone to filter unwanted texts and calls. Ask your parents to help you. Do the same for all your social media.

It all got too much from the calls to upsetting ben so i panicked and i ending things with ben because of all the emotions that i was feeling. 3 weeks ago we had a massive argument where he said enough, he explained how he was loving me and giving me all the things i wanted but i wasn't feeling or seeing it