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Second date set a week out - just bad at texting?


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Long story short - I messaged this girl on Tinder back in July, chit-chatted a bit, she said maybe we could meet up for drinks sometime, but she hadn't moved to my city yet (was going to start school here). Conversation dropped off, so I messaged her like two months later asking how thing are going, etc. No response, but in November, she just messaged me out of the blue and we chatted for a bit until getting her number and setting a date. I had a huge smile on my face when she contacted me, it was so weird. The date got pushed out twice, one due to family issues which she explained, and the second due to her not really feeling well and she said she wouldn't be any fun (the election had just happened)... but she was reassuring me and I stuck with it for one more date proposal, which she seemed excited about. Note: I don't really use Tinder, she's one of the few I've even messaged on there.


We went to a brewery and an outdoor art exhibit (it was cold) for about 4 hours. We clicked SO well in person on the first date, though, and she even pointed out we had a lot of common interests that other people don't seem to appreciate, however, I felt like I showed too much interest (more than I usually would on a first date). Like, a lot of common interests and she seemed really interested in me. We did hold hands and kissed on two separate occasions during the date, but I initiated both, but she was receptive. She was always by my side during the date and was laughing a lot. She texted "Thanks again!" immediately after dropping her off and I suggested we do it again and for her to let me know when she was free, she had just gone back to her hometown. Knowing I left it up in the air, no response, I texted her again 2 nights later suggesting definite plans for the following Friday. She said that sounded great and seemed excited.


Anyways, in a recent text, I gave her a compliment saying she probably looked great in anything (she asked if she should dress up for where I invited her to) and now I just feel like I'm coming on a lot stronger than I normally would... if there was constant chit chatting or some sort of consistency (like if I felt like she would reply within 6-12 hours), I'd probably feel better. This seems to be the first person I've been kind of infatuated with in a while. She seems to reply when I least expect it and seems happy and suggests even doing other things later on. Like, I might ask her a question in a text, she won't reply... but if I shoot her some other text some time later, she would reply immediately to that text and not address the previous text. She's also randomly initiated, so it's kind of established a norm.


Did I propose a second date out too far out (a week from the first one)? I could totally meet her before then and I do want to see her again. Is it possible she is just not a great texter?

I don't normally date people this young (she's 22), at the least, 25, where communication has always seemed totally different. Again, in person, it is TOTALLY different. I do know people who aren't great texters (me being one until re-entering the dating world after a 10yr relationship). Did not expect I'd click so well with her in person and she is very attractive.


I'm thinking of texting her tomorrow morning saying, "hey, want to get tacos tonight? if not, will see you on Friday. and I'd only do it because the text replies seem so inconsistent and I do want to see her sooner, that it almost seems totally fine to send another text, because she'd probably reply to that one.


I realize this is all just infatuation at this point, but driving me a little crazy, especially since she only comes back with positive responses... just as I think I should give up and move on after not hearing from her (I had even asked someone else out this week who seems very excited to meet me - she replies right away, but i'm trying to pace that conversation prior to our date).


Guard is definitely up watching for red flags, but I feel like I can't even judge or gauge things until I actually see her again on a second date (which has been set, I'd just like to bump it up a bit. ) OR. Just not make myself so available and just follow up before Friday, if I don't hear from her before then? (I kind of want to keep momentum going). Obviously, she must be interested after reconnecting an old chat months out and was excited to meet up, right?


Sorry long post - bolded my main questions in there, haha.

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So, you met a girl 10 years younger through Tinder who just moved to your city? I'm glad you are excited but I wouldn't anticipate any wedding China with this one.


Just relax and see where things go. Also, surely you have a less "hook up" site that you can use?


Finally, maybe it's a good idea to see them sooner so you aren't tempted to text so much. Generational or not, I personally find texting so boring. I have found the guys who prefer texting just aren't all that good at talking in real life and use it as a sort of replacement for verbalizing - which is a turn off to me personally. So, she may not be "great" at texting because she's not interested in it.

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Thanks, Mrs. Darcy. Appreciate your quality words of wisdom. And, yeah, a reason why I don't really use Tinder... but I had messaged her when I first downloaded it, she seemed different, and then she randomly reached out again months later, so I went with it (I had my profile not public, so only those who had already matched with me way back could message me). I have met good matches through Bumble and OKCupid in the past. Conversation just went so well with this girl and we clicked, which was cool (we both have really nerdy interests).


I'll just go with it and see what happens, first date was fun. I'd much rather talk in person and over the phone, rather than drawn out text conversations, any day. It just doesn't seem that's what the norm is these days.


Thanks again.

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Well, I just went with it.


I went ahead with the idea of trying for a sporadic taco date mid-week, and she was excited, but was busy with school work.


We texted a little throughout the week and she initiated, too. It is kind of nice actually she isn't constantly wanting talk through text, but that's just not what I've been used to.


Friday, I picked her up again and we went to a fun/themed place for drinks/dinner. Then we went back to my place to watch a movie and it was late, so she stayed over (both agreed no rush for anything to happen, the movie came up during dinner). Played around a little in the morning and I asked if she wanted brunch... after brunch, it was hanging out at her place, while she did some work for classes and watching netflix at the same time, took a nap, and then we got late drinks/dinner, and then an old midnight movie at a movie theater... It was the longest 2nd date both of us ever have had, heh. Friday 7pm - Sunday 2am... O_O It was just kind of spontaneous and happened. We both were pretty open and we just enjoyed each others company. We were surprised at how much we had in common.


Things seemed to be going well and we both seem to be looking for the same thing, she's focusing on school, and not looking to move in with someone or anything serious like that right now, which is perfect for me right now.


Her last BF (1.5 yrs ago) was even older than me, but she says that's not intentional, and guys her age tell her she is intimidating. I'm trying not to be too into this yet (it's hard), now, so I'll try and slow down a little... Never been so open with someone so quickly and she was also pretty open, seems like we're on the same page on just about everything. Also both very touchy-feely with rubbing hands, back, etc. We've already suggested/agreed to a lot of date ideas, so just trying to pace it now. No definite 3rd date planned just yet.


No need to rush something good, now, I suppose? I'm kind of crushing, heh. Trying to cool it down. Suggestions welcome.

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