Am I being irrational?

[sara9210]

I am currently living with my boyfriend of almost two years. We have been living with each other for maybe 5 months. He has three children that live with us. He takes care of all the bills. Recently he lost his job and he needs me to pitch in and help with bills. I'm refusing to do so because my name is not on the lease and we have been in some situations where I have trust issues with him. I feel as though if I help out with the bills instead of saving my money up he could put me out today or tomorrow and I'll be broke. I told him if I'm paying bills I'll need my name on the lease for some type of security and he refuses and said it doesn't matter if my names on the lease or not I still live here. Should I pack my things and move out or am I being irrational and I should pitch in and just leave the issue alone? He throws in the kids before anybody card and says his kids should be on the lease before mine but he isn't trying to put them on their either. His kids are grade school age, don't pay bills and are not going anywhere because they are his responsibility, where as me on the other hand, he wants me to pay bills and spend my money when he could put me out the next Ay and I'll be looking stupid. I can't get him to understand that.

[j.man]

Actually, as a resident of the apartment, you're subject to the exact same eviction process he would be, on the lease or not. Depending on the state, you'll have 30 - 60 days to vacate before law enforcement can physically remove you. Assuming you're not US but Commonwealth, there are similar laws protecting you as an unsigned resident in the interest of the state not having to deal with another homeless body.

 

Personally, as a matter of principle, grown adults should be willing to chip in for the space they occupy and the things they consume. Are you taking up living space? Are you eating food? Enjoying the benefits of heat/AC/electricity? Then you should be willing to pay for it. Being he's got 3 kids there, I'm not saying it should be anywhere near 50/50, but covering your 20% would be the responsible thing to do. If you feel you'd get a better deal elsewhere, then by all means move out. But it sounds like he's getting tired of housing a 4th dependent he can't even get a tax credit for.

[sara9210]

I do pitch in, I buy all the groceries for all of us to eat, I buy toiletries and things we need. I do indeed pitch in. And I have paid the electric bill twice within the 5 months. I have no problem with paying the bills this month. I'm just confused to why he doesn't want my name on the lease if I'll be paying the bills. Who knows when he'll find another job

[j.man]

Who knows when he'll find another job

So then why do you want to be tied down to a lease with him?

[sara9210]

I'm not signing the rental agreement just want to be put on as an occupant

[j.man]

I'm not signing the rental agreement just want to be put on as an occupant

You'd have a better chance finding a unicorn than finding a landlord who permits occupants over 18 without being signed to the lease.

 

And assuming it is a possibility, why would he want you listed as just an occupant with no responsibility over the lease so that you could, in theory, stop paying anything and have the right to stay for the lease's duration?

 

In any case, it's all pretty inconsequential. It's either worth it to you or it isn't. No one's making you stay there. If you feel it's unfair, find your own place to rent.

[sara9210]

I thought I was just being irrational but I intend on doing just that because I do need my own place for a bit. We need to work on things anyway. So I'm going to move out. Thanks

[itsallgrand]

Wanting on the lease isn't irrational.

But you expecting that result now in these circumstances after agreeing to live there under the table for months isn't all that realistic.

 

The time to negotiate that is before moving in.

 

I would think the trust issues in this relationship is why he prefers it this way.

[sara9210]

I was wanting to get on the lease but he always had some bs excuse so I was trying to be patient and the question arises again and he still refuses at this point I'm over the arguing and just ready to go. Obviously it's best I move out.

[j.man]

I was wanting to get on the lease but he always had some bs excuse

I'm not signing the rental agreement just want to be put on as an occupant

What concerns me is this, not so much you wanting to be on the lease at all. I agree with itsallgrant that I don't think it's unreasonable overall to want to be on the lease (though, to echo her again, in these circumstances and at this point, it is), but I would never, ever move in with a partner with her as an occupant and me as the sole lease-holder. And I would laugh at any girlfriend who asked. Then again, I also wouldn't move one in as an unlawful resident for several months, either.

[zeino]

Your name is not on the lease but your body is in the space, so inmy understanding you should contribute to the bills. However, if you want your name on the lease and if he is not doing it and if you feel like he could put you out the door, how rational is it to live there with this discomfort and trust issue? If you are not paying the bills and saving your money because of this fear, you are practically a guest there. How long in your own plan? It seems like at the moment, you don't have a home in your own mind.

[Wiseman2]

Move out. You are not on the lease and the father of three should be supporting himself and his three kids.

 

It sounds like he's using you as a maid, babysitter and now paycheck. And you are not even on the lease?

 

You are not married, not even engaged and moved in way too soon. It a raw deal financially and legally.

 

Let him and his wife support the three kids. Since he has custody he needs to get child support from his wife, not you.

He has three children that live with us. he lost his job. my name is not on the lease

[sara9210]

I don't watch the kids to be a baby sitter, I work myself. I'm not a maid because he cleans up after them. He could be trying to use me but he is doing a horrible job of it. I have been foolish to stay with him and not trust him but a damn fool I am not so that's why I'm considered to move. This draws the line

[DancingFool]

I am not sure why you are pushing to be added to the lease when you already have serious issues in the relationship.

 

Move out, have your own place and space. Date if you want, but don't play wifey with a boyfriend. Always maintain your independence and freedom to choose. It's amazing how much clarity that brings to the table, especially when your relationship turns sour and you no longer feel the need to put up with his carp.

[Wiseman2]

It's interesting that he's not worried about eviction by having a chronic guest there. He and his kids are on the lease however most landlords are not happy about unnamed swatters. The reason being it's more wear and tear and they usually charge more.

 

Clearly he doesn't see this as anything permanent. Just space filler to help with the bills, kids, meals. etc. until he finds a woman he will co-share a place with. Was he on the rebound when you met?

 

Where did you live prior to this? With parent? Roommates? Alone? A bf? It seems you are technically homeless now and merely couch surfing.

I don't watch the kids to be a baby sitter, I work myself. I'm not a maid because he cleans up after them. He could be trying to use me but he is doing a horrible job of it. I have been foolish to stay with him and not trust him but a damn fool I am not so that's why I'm considered to move. This draws the line

[sara9210]

His kids are not in their either

[Wiseman2]

Maybe because they are minors/dependents? As you know people under 18 cannot may or sign a contract. You are over 18, correct?

His kids are not in their either

[sara9210]

I don't think he does either so therefore it wouldn't matter if I go so I intend on doing just that

[sara9210]

Correct they are grade school age

[Wiseman2]

This is probably the smartest thing to do under the circumstances now that he lost his job. Where is the kids' mother?

it wouldn't matter if I go so I intend on doing just that

[DancingFool]

Btw, you can't just get listed on the lease the way you are thinking. Only under age children and disabled dependents can get listed on the lease as "occupant". Whether they get listed by name or whether the lease simply as a # of occupants in dwelling, is going to vary state to state. Also, it doesn't create any special rights and is more for meeting occupancy limit requirements, fire codes, etc.

 

If you are an adult, the second you get on the lease, you become personally, individually liable for the whole lease. If he quits paying rent, you are on the hook. If you quit paying rent, he is on the hook. You both quit paying rent, you will both not only get evicted, BUT get the eviction on your individual records and credit and good luck trying to find a place to rent after that. Essentially, you would be playing with fire.

 

In a way he has done you a favor as moving out for you now is easy. You are not legally liable on the lease and can leave any time you want. If he doesn't pay the lease, gets evicted, etc, that's not going to go on your record or become your problem. Getting out of a lease once your relationship tanks can be either extremely difficult or near impossible. Right now, you don't have to go beg plead and bargain with the landlord to let you out of a lease and he doesn't have to go through the mess of having to sign a fresh lease without you on it and then deal with the very serious problem that he can't prove income and employment and potentially find himself and his children being given notice to vacate the premises within 30 days as the landlord refuses to renew the lease.

 

You really really would be wise to consider all that in the future before you jump into moving in with someone or pushing for signing a lease together.