Need some advice totally confused!

[Sharny]

Hi everyone, this is the first time i have ever asked for advice on a forum but im so confused right now. Been with current bf for 3 months, last night he ended it due to his father being extremely unwell, his job relocating and just no time. He actually typed i cant continue with our relationship. This is a man who did all the chasing, we had made plans for the future, we even introduced our children who get on great. I can handle the 'i dont love you anymore' break ups but this is new to me. Obviously im in shock and i miss our chats which were 2-3 times a day. I dont know what to do or think. Friends said we were great together, he even told his friends he had met the one...we had forever, now we have nothing. Ive been told to do 30 day non contact from a good friend of mine to give him space but i would appreciate any thoughts on this xx

[Edmund Exley]

Hi welcome to ENA.

 

It may seem a lot, but 3 months isnt really a lot of time to really know someone and hardly a chance at "having forever". You're friend is correct, you need to give him some space and not contact him. Seems he is dealing with a lot of other stressors and decided a 3 month relationship was something he could remove to deal with other things. As hard as it may seem, leave him be. If he contacts you great, but dont allow him to string you on either. People in his situation with lots of other things going on tend to string others along for the emotional comfort.

[Sharny]

Thank you for your reply. I know 3 months isnt alot...ive been in 10 year relationships where i didnt know the person as well as i did him. I know you are right with him having so many stresses i was the one thing he could dispose of....just hurts x

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately at 3 mos, it sounds like too much too soon. Doing all this chasing and introducing kids and talking future were all red flags. Was he on the rebound? When was he due to relocate?

 

 

At three mos. in you barely know each other, you were not engaged and plans were just talk so you did not "have forever". Remain nc and block him. Not as a program to get him back but to heal and move on from all these red flags and lies and string-along talk.

3 months, last night he ended it. He actually typed i cant continue with our relationship. This is a man who did all the chasing, we had made plans for the future, we even introduced our children who get on great....we had forever, now we have nothing.

[DancingFool]

What burns hot and fast, burns out just as fast. For three months, there was just too much too soon too fast too intense. Although you feel like you know him, you really don't. In fact, it's only now that you've gotten the first real taste of him in that despite whispering all the sweet nothings in your ear and talking future, he had his feet firmly on the ground all along and when life happened, he wasn't attached enough to you to keep the relationship. Quite the opposite, it's the very first time sink he jettisoned. Had your relationship been longer and deeper, he would lean on your for support. However, it was less then skin deep so he cut it off. Sorry if this stinks to hear, but you need to learn from this and beware of getting swept up in another too much too soon too fast situation.

[Sharny]

Thank you all for the replies. I guess at 41 i thought i had gone through all the 'games' . I know it was all very fast but do people not fall in love that quickly then? Am i really to believe that all this was wrong....i mean how the hell do you know when love is genuine? Christ staying single forever seems like the only option right now.

[DancingFool]

Thank you all for the replies. I guess at 41 i thought i had gone through all the 'games' . I know it was all very fast but do people not fall in love that quickly then? Am i really to believe that all this was wrong....i mean how the hell do you know when love is genuine? Christ staying single forever seems like the only option right now.

 

Don't confuse love, the long lasting enduring emotion, with lust - what you feel when you first meet someone. Lust is powerful and quick and intoxicating, but love takes a long long time to develop. Love is when your SO gained 20 pounds, threw up on your most beloved pair of shoes and you stayed to put them to bed, got them water and hot soup, kept an eye on them all night long just in case AND still think they are sexy in the morning.

[Wiseman2]

It grows, it doesn't burn out after infatuation. You aren't picking out wedding halls and kids names while still just dating. It makes sense. It's not a rom-com or Disney movie.

 

You'll find love again, just watch out for too much too soon red flags.

TI know it was all very fast but do people not fall in love that quickly then? Am i really to believe that all this was wrong....i mean how the hell do you know when love is genuine?

[stelladevania]

Usually, when i ask for a break up, there's a lot of reasons behind it. The way i see it, he had a lot of pent up stress he didn't tell you, or something he dislike about you but couldn't tell you. And now he's at the point of saturation. You should give him some space, stop asking "why" and let him tell you when he's ready. If your relationship is really a forever one, then you'd be back together. If not, then he probably just used his reasons as an excuse to get rid of you from his life, so just move on.