Is this OK?

[ikanspelle]

I've been seeing my current boyfriend for over a month now. The relationship started off really great, and from the beginning he seemed like a really nice, friendly guy. However, sometimes it seems like his friendliness goes a little too far. He has some friends that are girls, and I was and am certainly OK with a guy having girls as good friends. But he recently started a new job and has since started texting and hanging out with a single, female coworker of his.

 

I didn't realize they were hanging out until last weekend. Last Saturday, he had spent a few hours with me at my niece's birthday party. Afterwards, he came back to my place and seemed to have every intention of staying later with me. Then suddenly he changed his mind and left. I didn't think anything of it, but he had left his wallet at my house. He called me a couple of hours later and said he was coming back to get it. It took him awhile to get back to my house, and when he returned he explained it was embarassing that he had left it because he had gone out to dinner with the aforementioned female coworker. I was immediately uncomfortable, but because he had told me I reassured myself it was OK because, if he had been cheating, he of course wouldn't have told me (right?).

 

Since then, however, I've noticed her texting him stuff at night when I am with him. She once texted him when we were hanging out and invited him to go to the movies with her. He acted like it was no big deal, and even asked if I wanted to go with them. Then today I was home doing homework all day. I didn't hear from him at all, which is weird because he usually at least says "Good morning" or something, unless he's busy (which is what I figured was the case). He finally called me at 6 PM and said he had slept in and then hung out with "a coworker." I immediately felt my heart sink. I asked him who, and he admitted it was the same girl. He did said he was thinking about me, even though he didn't text.

 

I'm sorry this post is so long, I just want to give all the facts. Half of me feels like I am completely justified in being upset and not comfortable with his hanging out with her alone, but he keeps saying they're just friends and he just wants to get to know his coworkers better. So half of me thinks maybe I'm paranoid and this is just who he is: super friendly toward young, single girls? This is the only coworker he seems to be hanging out with, which bothers me more than anything I think. It just doesn't feel right to me. I don't want to talk to him about it if I will just sound paranoid, possessive, or controlling, but I can't seem to help how this is making me feel. What should I do?

[ThatwasThen]

I would not, for the life of me continue dating a guy that has no relationship boundaries and thinks it's quite okay to go on date like activities with an opposite sex friend.

 

You've only been dating him for a month. Him texting with her when he's with you, going on dates with her and leaving you to do it should be enough for you to think twice about going forward with this pink elephant (her) driving a wedge between you and him. He's not a guy I'd take seriously in the least.

[JaggerJim]

I don't want to talk to him about it if I will just sound paranoid, possessive, or controlling, but I can't seem to help how this is making me feel. What should I do?

 

Is this the new thing now? I keep reading this nonsense!!!!!! Is it cool and fashionable these days to let people walk all over people, and people STILL won't stick up for themselves?????

 

Deep down you KNOW it's not ok.

[Kaykayxo]

I don't care if you have only been dating a month, this behavior is highly unacceptable. He is spending innate amounts of time with another women, going out with her, even leaving you to go hang out with her...I hate to say it, but there is most likely something other than friendly coworker activities going on there. I would tell him that you don't approve of it and leave it at that. Your relationship is still early on...why should you be handelling the BS already? Unless he seriously redeems himself or cuts all this "hangout" time with this women off (even then) I would dump him

[Andrina]

Harem masters have such a game going on, letting it all hang out for all to see, so that they don't have to hide anything. If that lady moved to another state, he would replace her with another female buddy. This is who he is. Probably forever. There will always be a dumb woman who will be his main squeeze, but she will always have to share him with other women. Don't be that dumb. Even if he never physically cheated, there is a different dynamic between male/female friends who spend one on one time together, and or/ lots of time together like best friends, even though they are in a serious romantic relationship with someone.

 

There may be some people who are comfortable with this, but I'm not. I chose a man who doesn't do this, and we have discussed boundaries with each other that we're comfortable with. If you will only be happy if he changes, he's not the right person for you.

 

I wouldn't ask him to stop what he's doing. He's not going to change. It's you who need to walk away from a situation you're not comfortable with. He's cute and fun, but it doesn't outweigh the bad. There are cute, fun guys out there who don't desire harems. Free yourself and go find one.

[rayfutz]

I've been seeing my current boyfriend for over a month now. The relationship started off really great, and from the beginning he seemed like a really nice, friendly guy. However, sometimes it seems like his friendliness goes a little too far. He has some friends that are girls, and I was and am certainly OK with a guy having girls as good friends. But he recently started a new job and has since started texting and hanging out with a single, female coworker of his.

 

I didn't realize they were hanging out until last weekend. Last Saturday, he had spent a few hours with me at my niece's birthday party. Afterwards, he came back to my place and seemed to have every intention of staying later with me. Then suddenly he changed his mind and left. I didn't think anything of it, but he had left his wallet at my house. He called me a couple of hours later and said he was coming back to get it. It took him awhile to get back to my house, and when he returned he explained it was embarassing that he had left it because he had gone out to dinner with the aforementioned female coworker. I was immediately uncomfortable, but because he had told me I reassured myself it was OK because, if he had been cheating, he of course wouldn't have told me (right?).

 

Since then, however, I've noticed her texting him stuff at night when I am with him. She once texted him when we were hanging out and invited him to go to the movies with her. He acted like it was no big deal, and even asked if I wanted to go with them. Then today I was home doing homework all day. I didn't hear from him at all, which is weird because he usually at least says "Good morning" or something, unless he's busy (which is what I figured was the case). He finally called me at 6 PM and said he had slept in and then hung out with "a coworker." I immediately felt my heart sink. I asked him who, and he admitted it was the same girl. He did said he was thinking about me, even though he didn't text.

 

I'm sorry this post is so long, I just want to give all the facts. Half of me feels like I am completely justified in being upset and not comfortable with his hanging out with her alone, but he keeps saying they're just friends and he just wants to get to know his coworkers better. So half of me thinks maybe I'm paranoid and this is just who he is: super friendly toward young, single girls? This is the only coworker he seems to be hanging out with, which bothers me more than anything I think. It just doesn't feel right to me. I don't want to talk to him about it if I will just sound paranoid, possessive, or controlling, but I can't seem to help how this is making me feel. What should I do?

 

He's thinking of you alright.. thinking of how to keep you around while he dates another girl at the same time. Whether you had the are we official? talk or not, you are in a relationship with him. Knowing this, its obvious what is going on. Does that not give you a foreshadow of what is to come? He has no respect for relationships and commitment. Really think about that and if you want to stay in this arrangement where you are some sort of an option. It wont get better any time soon, if it does at all.

 

Dont be naive and overly optimistic, the writing is on the wall here.

[nutbrownhare]

And does this new co-worker actually know you exist? Or does he tell her that you and he are "just friends" too? She probably thinks she's his girlfriend!

 

You don't need to talk to him about feeling paranoid, possessive or controlling. Just tell him this isn't working for you, and move on. You haven't been together long, and dating in the early stages is about finding out about each other, and whether you're a "fit". You clearly aren't, if he thinks this is OK behaviour!

[Wiseman2]

Are you exclusive? Have you explicitly discussed that? It sounds like he's trying to or already is dating the coworker.

I've been seeing my current boyfriend for over a month now. he had left it because he had gone out to dinner with the aforementioned female coworker. She once texted him when we were hanging out and invited him to go to the movies with her. He finally called me at 6 PM and said he had slept in and then hung out with "a coworker."

[Stay_home]

I've been seeing my current boyfriend for over a month now. The relationship started off really great, and from the beginning he seemed like a really nice, friendly guy. However, sometimes it seems like his friendliness goes a little too far. He has some friends that are girls, and I was and am certainly OK with a guy having girls as good friends. But he recently started a new job and has since started texting and hanging out with a single, female coworker of his.

 

I didn't realize they were hanging out until last weekend. Last Saturday, he had spent a few hours with me at my niece's birthday party. Afterwards, he came back to my place and seemed to have every intention of staying later with me. Then suddenly he changed his mind and left. I didn't think anything of it, but he had left his wallet at my house. He called me a couple of hours later and said he was coming back to get it. It took him awhile to get back to my house, and when he returned he explained it was embarassing that he had left it because he had gone out to dinner with the aforementioned female coworker. I was immediately uncomfortable, but because he had told me I reassured myself it was OK because, if he had been cheating, he of course wouldn't have told me (right?).

 

Since then, however, I've noticed her texting him stuff at night when I am with him. She once texted him when we were hanging out and invited him to go to the movies with her. He acted like it was no big deal, and even asked if I wanted to go with them. Then today I was home doing homework all day. I didn't hear from him at all, which is weird because he usually at least says "Good morning" or something, unless he's busy (which is what I figured was the case). He finally called me at 6 PM and said he had slept in and then hung out with "a coworker." I immediately felt my heart sink. I asked him who, and he admitted it was the same girl. He did said he was thinking about me, even though he didn't text.

 

I'm sorry this post is so long, I just want to give all the facts. Half of me feels like I am completely justified in being upset and not comfortable with his hanging out with her alone, but he keeps saying they're just friends and he just wants to get to know his coworkers better. So half of me thinks maybe I'm paranoid and this is just who he is: super friendly toward young, single girls? This is the only coworker he seems to be hanging out with, which bothers me more than anything I think. It just doesn't feel right to me. I don't want to talk to him about it if I will just sound paranoid, possessive, or controlling, but I can't seem to help how this is making me feel. What should I do?

 

He speaks about her so freely without second thought.

 

Either he's cheating and bold about it or has extremely lackadaisical boundaries when it comes to dating, and his lack of emotional intelligence won't permit him to see that this is a problem.

[WantsKids]

You're being a doormat. Ghost him and start dating other people. I swear people are becoming so pathetic and inconsiderate.

[tmarcwho59]

Unacceptable, drop him