She feels emotionally unavailable and I'm not sure what to make of it

[thestruggle]

I met this girl at a festival about a month ago and I was really attracted to her and she seemed into me after talking for awhile so I asked for her number. I hit her up a week later and asked if she wanted to hang out and she said she would love to but she was really busy with school and had plans for the next couple of weekends. We met on October 1st and we planned to hang out November 6th (which I thought showed commitment).

 

We ended up going on our first date and like most it's never ultra smooth but we had a drink and loosened up a bit. I ended up taking her back to my house about 20 minutes away. We drank a bit more (beer, we weren't drunk) and I thought she was warming up to me. We were kind of canoodling on the couch and I went to kiss her and she wouldn't kiss me. She told me she had just gotten out of an almost 5 year relationship 6 months ago and it was still weird. Which I can totally respect.

 

We went out again to my friend's show (EDM) and I'm pretty sure I pulled out all the stops to wow her: the headliner (a good friend) was hanging out at my house before the show, we got guest-listed, free drinks, got to go in his green room, etc. We had a lot of fun, but again just hand holding. Did not appear to have at any interest in kissing me and I didn't push it after last time. She dropped me off after the show, there was no kiss or even a hug. She texted me the next morning thanking me for inviting her and told me she had so much fun.

 

She lurks my Snapchat all the time which is a good sign but I don't know how much I can deal with just being flirty and mildly handsy. I really like her a lot but she seems totally emotionally unavailable. I'd like to date her but she also lives almost an hour away and I don't know if I can trust her like that yet. Again keep in mind, she's 21 and goes to festivals with her girlfriends a lot so anything could happen.

 

How do I proceed? It's only the day after the second date. Do I wait for her to ask to make plans again or should I wait a couple days and ask if she wants to hang again over the weekend? It would really only be a the third date so perhaps I'm being hasty but I like her a lot and I want to express it physically.

[Kaykayxo]

She hasn't even given you a kiss and you are already on about not being sure if you can trust her because she is young and sociable...what is wrong with men. Everything you just said is problematic. You don't know how much you can deal with being "mildly handsy"? Than leave the girl alone and stop expecting more than just holding hands after going out two times. She has told you that she just came out of a LTR and she is also very young. She is probably still processing the breakup and adjusting to the single life, and does not want to be tied down or rush into things. If you call that emotionally unavailable so be it, I think it is more strange when someone hops from relationship to relationship. If you have genuine intentions with this girl and enjoy her company, than by all means continue to spend time with her. But do not take her on dates hoping that she will be more "handsy" or get ahead of yourself. Allow things to flow nauturally, and let her decide what the next step will be. Also, what does snapchat have to do with it? If you are friends and she has you on snapchat, she is going to watch your things, no? I mean...

 

ANYWAY. Stop emphasizing being physical. You barley know this women. Not all of us want to jump straight to it.

[Anxious girl]

I have to agree with the above it sounds like you're more concerned with getting physical than about her. Women tie love and sex together it's the same thing to us. If she's still getting over her ex then she's not going to love you straight away she's probably scared of being hurt again. If she doesn't love you she probably wont feel like kissing you. The best thing you can do is hang out with her and give her time. Six months should be a good amount of time for her to work out how she feels. I'd probably cut your losses after that if it hasn't progressed. If all you care about is sex then I'd say move on to someone more easy.

[SoulTaker]

I'd like to date her but she also lives almost an hour away and I don't know if I can trust her like that yet.

 

You're not trying to date her. You are trying to get her into bed on a 1st date (drinking, bringing her over to your house,....). It's like you're trying to over-will a young woman, who is somewhat unsure of herself. I hope that one of her friends knocks some sense into her.

[reinventmyself]

She told me she had just gotten out of an almost 5 year relationship 6 months ago and it was still weird. Which I can totally respect.

 

We went out again to my friend's show (EDM) and I'm pretty sure I pulled out all the stops to wow her:

 

She gave you a clear indication where she was at emotionally, yet she still wanted to out with you. Instead of paying attention to her queues to take it slow, it seems you upped the pressure to win her over.