His ex-wife cheated on him a while back, should I give him more time?

[badluckgirl]

It's already been two months since he and I have unofficially been seeing each other.

 

It's been a while now since his ex-wife has cheated on him and that's an old story everyone knows.

Should I be the one to pay the price for what his ex-wife did to him and now because of that he needs more time with me?

 

Should I give him another chance when he's ready?

 

No one is ever ready when I'm ready and I'm sick of constantly having to compromise for them when they didn't do the same when the roles were reversed.

 

Now because of what his ex-wife did to him, he wants to play around for a while and not be serious.

 

Let's just say what if he comes back around later, should I give him a second chance?

 

I think two months is enough time for me, but I was never married, just could never find someone to commit to me.

 

After two months every time, things start to go sour instead of progressing.

 

I told him I know what this is about. Even if he may appear to be over his ex-wife, that he's taking his time with me and I don't like that. I think two months is enough time and if he can't commit then it's just wasting my time. Then again I do have empathy for his situation that he does want to be on his own for a while after being married to a cheater, but I will not be his second option if he can't find anything better.

 

I felt I had to be direct in this situation with everything. I don't give people second chances anymore because they never take it when I do give them second chances and they waste my time again. I just don't know what to do since I've never dated someone who has been divorced.

 

Has anyone else been in this situation and what did you do if you were?

 

Thanks in advance for any advice.

[Lisii]

Did he say he wanted to play around a bit and not be serious?

 

If he did, then there is your answer. He spelt it out for you.

 

You deserve some one better, who like you said, puts you first. (apart from if they have kids).

 

Best of luck sweetness.

 

# oh just on dating someone who is divorced... it should be no different to any long term break up, there will be skeletons in most peoples closet... just make sure there are no bodies hanging around.

[Hollyj]

Do you usually chose these types of guys? Is there a pattern?

 

I would be done with him. I'm sorry, but you were used as a rebound.

 

Don't ever wait for someone to choose you.

[SooSad33]

He is not ready.. for anything. You know that..

and this guy will be reeling with damages and memories for a while, yet.

 

I highly suggest you expect no more.. and let this be a lesson. Do NOT get involved with anyone who is freshly out of a relationship/marriage.

 

Thing is.. is sometimes we don't know.. who they are or their situation at first. Sad way to learn though

[SherrySher]

Well there is two unfortunate issues that sometimes go on with people who were married and now divorced, especially if it's newer...1.)they have a sense of freedom and don't want to run right back into anything serious or too committed, they do want to enjoy their freedom for a while, who knows how long.

2.) they are still reeling from the divorce and aren't always over their ex or the problems that occurred.

 

2 months is enough time to know whether this man is wanting something serious right now, or not, but he obviously isn't ready for anything serious.

As for if you should give him another chance down the line, that's up to you, but I personally would not be into it seeing as you'd basically be the option down the line after he's had his fun. I don't think that would feel too good. And even then, who knows if he's going to be serious. Either way, I'd pass.

[badluckgirl]

Hello, all, and thanks for the responses.

 

I told him if he keeps doing what he does I won't be around much longer and that he has no rights to get mad when I do find someone else and I am not there for when he may be ready down the line.

 

 

I also told him I have nothing to do with what his ex-wife/ex did to him and that I am not like her so he shouldn't take what she did out on me when I've been nothing but kind and faithful to him even when this isn't official.

 

I definitely let him know he is walking on very thin ice right now and if he doesn't get his priorities straight, I will be gone.

 

I have already given him two chances and if he wants to keep wallowing in the past, I told him, that's wasting my time when there are women like me out there who would commit to him without cheating.

[reinventmyself]

I don't think the threats are a good idea. This is a man who was honest with you from the beginning stages and you agreed to sign up under these terms. It's not a crime to want to take your time and not get seriously involved with someone while recovering from the end of the divorce.

 

You have no grounds to be upset with him. You can be disappointed in the situation but you need to respect where he is at at this time in his life. You, however, are at a different point in your life and looking for something different. This makes the two of you incompatible.

 

You have every right to tell him what you are looking for, asses the information and make a decision in your own self care.

If at 2 months he is still holding his line, then this is an impasse. Time to move on

[Ms Darcy]

Hello, all, and thanks for the responses.

 

I told him if he keeps doing what he does I won't be around much longer and that he has no rights to get mad when I do find someone else and I am not there for when he may be ready down the line.

 

 

I also told him I have nothing to do with what his ex-wife/ex did to him and that I am not like her so he shouldn't take what she did out on me when I've been nothing but kind and faithful to him even when this isn't official.

 

I definitely let him know he is walking on very thin ice right now and if he doesn't get his priorities straight, I will be gone.

 

I have already given him two chances and if he wants to keep wallowing in the past, I told him, that's wasting my time when there are women like me out there who would commit to him without cheating.

 

You know why your love life isn't working out for you? Perhaps dating men who you know are emotionally unavailable for what you want. And then threatening to walk away when they don't give you what you want.

 

Never should have dated him in the first place.

[badluckgirl]

You know why your love life isn't working out for you? Perhaps dating men who you know are emotionally unavailable for what you want. And then threatening to walk away when they don't give you what you want.

 

Never should have dated him in the first place.

 

Actually, it's not a threat. I'm not someone's second option and if they're going to treat me like one, I have a right to tell them so and then walk away. And then when they are ready, they shouldn't get mad when I don't want to play their games anymore.

[badluckgirl]

I don't think the threats are a good idea. This is a man who was honest with you from the beginning stages and you agreed to sign up under these terms. It's not a crime to want to take your time and not get seriously involved with someone while recovering from the end of the divorce.

 

You have no grounds to be upset with him. You can be disappointed in the situation but you need to respect where he is at at this time in his life. You, however, are at a different point in your life and looking for something different. This makes the two of you incompatible.

 

You have every right to tell him what you are looking for, asses the information and make a decision in your own self care.

If at 2 months he is still holding his line, then this is an impasse. Time to move on

 

 

It's not a threat, and I do respect where he is in life, that means me not being in the picture if he still wants to be hung up on the past and date around. I've had plenty of people who have hurt me, but I don't play around just to get it out of my system. If I find someone who will be faithful to me and good to me, I have no reason to still be hung up on the past.

[SoulTaker]

It's not a threat, and I do respect where he is in life, that means me not being in the picture if he still wants to be hung up on the past and date around. I've had plenty of people who have hurt me, but I don't play around just to get it out of my system. If I find someone who will be faithful to me and good to me, I have no reason to still be hung up on the past.

 

Are you sleeping with him?

[Ms Darcy]

Actually, it's not a threat. I'm not someone's second option and if they're going to treat me like one, I have a right to tell them so and then walk away. And then when they are ready, they shouldn't get mad when I don't want to play their games anymore.

 

If you keep doing what you're doing (which I don't like), I'm going to date other guys (which I don't think you'll like.) You're playing games too.

 

Walking away would just be clean and easy. "I don't think things are working out, so I am ending this. Have a nice life." No waiting for him to respond to your threat by doing what you want.

[Wiseman2]

Dump him and don't look back. It doesn't matter whether his ex was a saint or an ax murderer. What he's saying is he wants to play the field and blame his ex for that. Nonsense.

Now because of what his ex-wife did to him, he wants to play around for a while and not be serious.

[reinventmyself]

It's not a threat, and I do respect where he is in life, that means me not being in the picture if he still wants to be hung up on the past and date around. I've had plenty of people who have hurt me, but I don't play around just to get it out of my system. If I find someone who will be faithful to me and good to me, I have no reason to still be hung up on the past.

There ypu go. Your answer is clear.

[SooSad33]

Hello, all, and thanks for the responses.

 

I told him if he keeps doing what he does I won't be around much longer and that he has no rights to get mad when I do find someone else and I am not there for when he may be ready down the line.

 

 

I also told him I have nothing to do with what his ex-wife/ex did to him and that I am not like her so he shouldn't take what she did out on me when I've been nothing but kind and faithful to him even when this isn't official.

 

I definitely let him know he is walking on very thin ice right now and if he doesn't get his priorities straight, I will be gone.

 

I have already given him two chances and if he wants to keep wallowing in the past, I told him, that's wasting my time when there are women like me out there who would commit to him without cheating.

 

WHY are you being so lenient here? Giving him altimatums?? Just get out of this!

Walk.

 

If he doesnt do this.. or that.. you'll be gone? What are you waiting for?

 

Like you said.. you've given him TWO chances.. count this as a loss walk away for your own dignity and sanity!

[catfeeder]

Should I be the one to pay the price for what his ex-wife did to him

 

If you believe that the answer to this is no, then why position yourself to mess with the guy?

 

Certain situations render a person lousy relationship material. He is one of them.

[SherrySher]

I have to agree with the others here. You're not happy, but what doesn't work unfortunately, is trying to force someone to care the way you want them to, or act the way you want them to. Don't get me wrong, you have a right to want those things, but this man is not a willing participant. So instead of telling he'd better change or else, do yourself a favour and just let it go. You don't want anything that is forced,and you've said so yourself, you've given him chances. As frustrating and disappointing as it's been for you, the best thing you can do now is leave and find someone who won't need to be forced and will want what you want. That's the only kind of love that makes sense.