Do I just give up? So confused about break up!

[Skosky]

I'm not really sure how to keep this short but I'll try.

Me & my ex broke up four days ago. We've been together for four/five months properly and were sleeping together before that. We are both travelling and met on our backpacker trips. Everything has been really good in our relationship, we obviously bickered sometimes and we spent a lot of time together as we were living together in a hostel. I just went away for a month travelling with my girl mates.

We spoke every day via text and calls, whilst j was away j got quite insecure & I did start picking on lots of little things which were unnecessary. I became a bit of a nag but we were still talking happily etc.

Anyway last week our Christmas plans got turned upside down because a friend cancelled on us and I said a few things I shouldn't have said such as if we weren't in a relationship people wouldn't treat us like this and that I shouldn't have got in a relationship when travelling I apologised cos j didn't mean those things but I think I planted a seed in his head. He told me was worried about what would happen after our travels and if it would work and was worried about losing me and he could go through feeling that . I reassured him and told him it was down to us to make it work etc. A few days later we had a big argument and he said he couldn't deal with the fights anymore it was making him feel , he said he had to think about what he wanted as he didn't wanna waste his travels if this wasn't gunna work etc. The next day he sent me a long message and we spoke for an hour about everything he apologised to me he loved me, and was feeling homesick and was missing me so much that's why he was feeling so . He told me I was all he wanted and I make him so happy he doesn't wanna lose me and hope I could get over him having doubts etc. He told me I didn't need to change everything was perfect, I said we needed space as we spoke constantly he disagreed and I asked him what needed changing he just said I need to stop being so hot headed. Everything else was fine.

 

The nexts 2 days were lovely we spoke like normal and then he went out Saturday night and was on mdma and Coke, I didn't hear from him for hours so I was getting paranoid as he doesn't take heavy drugs in a while and he worried me 2 days before with his doubts. I pestered him all night which I shouldn't have done and the next day we spoke and he said I had no reason to worry etc. The next day on Monday everything was perfect he told me how excited he was to see me in four days, he loved me, missed me etc. Without me saying these things first he initiated those conversations . We then started talking about drugs and I said I didn't like him doing it and e said I thought you did t care and I said I do if you do it all the time and he said he would do it again not all the time (I should have left it at there as if he does it occasionally I don't mind) he then said I'm gunna do it again so let's not do this it won't be all he time I replied ok and went off for an hour when I returned he asked me do I really make you that miserable ? I said no why say that and basically he broke up with me saying:

He will never make me happy and were not happy together

He doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore, but he is worried he is wrong

he wants to do his own thing

He loves and misses me but can't be with me out here

He told me he was really happy when we were together but since I been away the last month he has become unhappy and we aren't s normal couple anymore and were on different pages

He is worrie he is wasting his time and travels when he can't help thinking he is 21 so he should be out being a little not in a relationship

 

^^ all these things after telling me all morning he couldn't wait to see me and e loved me etc. There was no signs other then his doubt Thursday. E had messaged me all the time and made plans for when j was home.

I can't understand why h couldn't wait four days to see my jn person as we had been away from each other 26 days! It was cowardly and so disrespectful he said he wouldn't talk to me on the phone dos he knows what he is like and he doesn't think he will do what he needs to do.

 

I told him be should ha e waited to see me and see why it was like as we hadn't seen each other in a month and when we were back together we had agreed a fresh start and we knew we would be happy. He said he couldn't do it.

 

I'm literally broken hearted I don't know where it has come from. I don't know whether I'm meant to accept it for face value or because he said he can't keep doing it to me it's unfair so he just needs to make a decision.

Since I have come back my friends have told me he hasn't been his self lately he has been smoking weed excessively and been getting extremely drunk since I've gone away, put on weight and just not been his happy chatty self. My friend said she was worried about him before she found out we had broken up.

I got back last night and the first thing I see is he has posted a photo with all his work friends drinking looking like he is having a great time, he never posts on Facebook and he knew I would see it and it would hurt me but that isn't something I ever thought he would do. He was more drunk then I've ever seen him before (as I seen on a friends snapchat story) so I dunno if he is going off the rails for some reason or this is the life he wants now!? I dunno whether I should be worried.

He has contacted me a couple times just because we had a hotel booked together and he has some of my stuff. He asked if j wanted I stay there I told him I'm no paying for the hotel cos he changed his mind and it's way more expensive then for me to go elsewhere and I said texting about my clothes is hurtful I'd I obviously get them he said he wasn't trying to be hurtful and said you thought breaking up with me in the last few days of my travels wasn't hurtful? He said maybe I should have waited but I couldn't I apologise !!! I have been ignoring him the last few messages.

 

I don't know what to think. Is it really what he wants? Do I take it at face value? Or is he having issues at the moment? Should I be worried? I'm so scared about seeing him but I'm sure I will. I've got really bad anxiety. I feel like it's come out the blue and I am so confused.

 

Sorry I know a lot of info! It's hard enough me processing it !

[SooSad33]

How well do you really know him... other than hanging with him while travelling?

I'm not sure I'd say it's actual 'love' he had.. more like 'lust'...

 

If this is him/how he is.. then maybe you don't want to be involved with him!?

[Skosky]

I think I know him really well, we've spent a hell of a lot of time together and lived together. But then again the way he is acting is so different! Don't know if that's the drugs or what to be honest!

What makes you assume it was lust and not love because I certainly really fell for him and never thought that would happen!

 

I'm starting to think maybe that is right if that's how he wants to live maybe he isn't right. However many positives I think we had, I think maybe the negatives are what I should think about now

[Wiseman2]

Long distance plus drugs plus all the traveling are all red flags. It sounds like it's just not working as far as moving this from travel-fwbs to a relationship.

Don't know if that's the drugs or what to be honest

I'm starting to think maybe that is right if that's how he wants to live maybe he isn't right

[Skosky]

He has been messaging me everyday since I've got back from my trip asking to see me then I gave him a time but he had to shower and have dinner... He asked me everyday what I'm up to and then messaged me yesterday saying I wish you didn't hate me, I miss you. He said he wants to meet up ... But apparently it's not important he just wants to see me see how things are