Phone conversation with ex

[Marie83]

I did something that I know I probably shouldn't have done. After a therapy session I was feeling guilt for my part in the relationship ending as well as confusion on how things ended. He asked me to move to the northeast from TN while he was doing his postdoc. I had just received a job offer and my dad was having heart surgery so I said I would love to but I think it would be best to wait a few months to save up money and work on ourselves. He then took it back and said he was still angry about things and we needed space to not be angry. He ended up starting to date the next week and from what he told me when he was angry a month later, he has a new girlfriend.

 

After the session, I sent a clarity and apology letter to him. He wanted to talk on the phone because emails can lead to misunderstanding. We talked for over an hour, but it was mainly catch up about life. Dating other people never came up which I am thankful in a way, but also kind of wanted to know as well. How the relationship ended with moving up there never can up either. He talked about work a lot and then he also told me he has been very depressed, isolating, lonely, homesick, and he felt really bad about everything. He did not apologize for anything specific just that he felt bad. I don't know what to think if it's the breakup, if it's that he misses me. I have no idea, but that's also kind of the way he communicates. He doesn't really say concrete things.

 

I ended up texting him the next day because I was worried about him being depressed and I cared. I said I hope you had a nice day, that was yesterday. He never replied back. It kind of stung really hard. I know at one point we had each other's texts blocked. He has an android and got an app to block texts. When I blocked his number it's different because I have an iPhone. I don't know if he still has me blocked or just isn't saying anything.

 

I just wish I really knew what he was thinking by saying he was lonely, depressed and felt bad about things. I did not want to get into past relationship/ breakup stuff much because we haven't talked in the phone since the breakup and I wanted it to be peaceful. I don't know if I did the right thing or not, but since we've talked it's been harder on me.

[Marie83]

On a side note, my birthday is in 3 days as well.

[smackie9]

Well happy birthday (in advance)

 

The hardest part of a breakup is letting go because they have been a part of your life...it always feels like a part of you is missing. I understand those feelings. Are you looking for proper closure? or reconciliation?

 

I feel right now, space, and time is best. Sounds to me things are still a little raw, and he did his best to be civil with you. He wasn't interested in going there, and talking about it.....he's not ready.

 

How are you doing?

[Marie83]

I honestly have no idea what I am looking for. If we can get along and work together, forgive each other, and be strong individually, my dream would be to have him back in my arms. I still love him and miss him very much. I know it will never be the way it once was, but even saying that it was such a strong connection that that still would be stronger than I've ever felt towards someone. I don't feel I can tell him this though for a couple reasons. The main is that he needs to stand up this time. If not, then I am looking for closure. I've dated some but cancel most dates, work long hours and travel, but I feel like it's to avoid the pain of never seeing him or being close again.

 

Yeah, that's one of our problems is that we both avoid things and I do think it was probably too fresh to bring that up which is why I couldn't and he couldn't.

 

Thank you for he birthday wish. I'm doing okay, I guess. I had today off so it has made it harder and I have no energy to go outside or do anything, but I'm trying to do something besides wallow. It's like a no win with breakups.

[Wiseman2]

You called, you spoke that's more than enough. Don't send nonsense "have a nice day" texts like this anymore. Leave him alone. He moved, he has a new gf let all his issues be her problem now.

I said I hope you had a nice day, that was yesterday. He never replied back. He has an android and got an app to block texts. I don't know if he still has me blocked or just isn't saying anything.

[Marie83]

I agree. I feel like I shouldn't have even spoken to him. I almost did not call when we asked me too after work. The conversation was just catch up and did not have any depth which is what he said he wanted to talk about. I feel like I back tracked some and right before my birthday too. I really need to move on and put my foot down.

 

It's hard because I still dearly love him and probably always will. I felt he was my soul mate or as close as I have been to that in my entire life. But I do not deserve these games and I would not want to be in a relationship right now with him for two reasons. One, I want to work on myself more and two, he needs to work on himself. Furthermore, if I go back, I feel like I will lose all the self-dignity and respect I have ever had for myself. I remember more pain than anything even the last time we saw each other before he moved, even my last birthday a year ago when he never wanted to hang out with his new friends as a group. I am currently visiting the town he lived and for an entire year, he had the choice to respect me, grow with me and work together on our relationship and plan a future. He didn't and now he is further away. It's like there is nothing left to say. He hurt me worse than anyone has ever hurt me in my life, ever.

[Wiseman2]

Don't these statements seem incongruous to you? still dearly love him and probably always will.

 

He hurt me worse than anyone has ever hurt me in my life, ever.

[Marie83]

Yeah, they do. I just see potential that people can change.