How can I, being socially awkward be able to look for a relationship?

[nerd7473]

I don't know how to start a relationship, I don't even know how to conversate accurately. Social situations often leave me feeling odd or being weird. I have Asperger's, though it doesn't hinder my want to be social. I am struggling to learn the things everyone takes for granted.

[Wolfshook]

I was really shy person that didnt know what to say most of the time.

 

Then I tried small talking with random people (older people are the best for this because they respond easely). It's basically you just saying something when you're in certain situation with another person. I will give you an example, you walk to the automatic door and the door doesnt open,and you comment to the other person "it looks like they locked us here". Or you walk to the counter and tell cashier "looks like we will have to clean snow today" (of course,if it's snowing,and keep an eye not to do this if there is bunch of people behind you.

 

This helps you easen a bit and you will learn how "normal" people communicate by their responses.

 

And read how to win friends and influence people by carnegie.

[nerd7473]

I was really shy person that didnt know what to say most of the time.

 

Then I tried small talking with random people (older people are the best for this because they respond easely). It's basically you just saying something when you're in certain situation with another person. I will give you an example, you walk to the automatic door and the door doesnt open,and you comment to the other person "it looks like they locked us here". Or you walk to the counter and tell cashier "looks like we will have to clean snow today" (of course,if it's snowing,and keep an eye not to do this if there is bunch of people behind you.

 

This helps you easen a bit and you will learn how "normal" people communicate by their responses.

 

And read how to win friends and influence people by carnegie.

Is that a good book? I've actually been doing some of the things you've suggested. I'm good at small talk. But I don't know how to ask certain things. It never "clicked" with me as to how people get into relationships I don't know how to be able to go up to an acquaintance and ask someone out.

[Wolfshook]

Is that a good book? I've actually been doing some of the things you've suggested. I'm good at small talk. But I don't know how to ask certain things. It never "clicked" with me as to how people get into relationships I don't know how to be able to go up to an acquaintance and ask someone out.

 

It's great book to understand certain aspects of social human behavior and what people expect.

 

Well,ideally, you see somebody that you like,you give them a quick glance and see whether they check you out,and then approach them, do small talks and then you would ideally ask them if they'd like to grab a cup of coffee.

[nerd7473]

It's great book to understand certain aspects of social human behavior and what people expect.

 

Well,ideally, you see somebody that you like,you give them a quick glance and see whether they check you out,and then approach them, do small talks and then you would ideally ask them if they'd like to grab a cup of coffee.

What then? Also what do I look for in body language and facial features to see if they're interested?

[DancingFool]

What then? Also what do I look for in body language and facial features to see if they're interested?

 

You don't. Don't try to mind read people, it will just backfire on you. Instead, rely on being more direct.

 

Strike up a conversation, if they stick around to talk to you, tell them you are enjoying their company and conversation and wonder if you could take them out for coffee or dinner. If they are interested, they'll say yes and you can set up a date and time for that. If they are not, they'll tell you so. Sometimes people won't be so direct when rejecting you and can give you excuses like they are really busy. It's OK. Just understand that anything other than a YES is actually a no. Accept rejection gracefully and move on. We all go through tons and tons of rejection before we finally meet that one person where things just click and conversation flows, and dates are fun and one thing leads into the next.

[nerd7473]

You don't. Don't try to mind read people, it will just backfire on you. Instead, rely on being more direct.

 

Strike up a conversation, if they stick around to talk to you, tell them you are enjoying their company and conversation and wonder if you could take them out for coffee or dinner. If they are interested, they'll say yes and you can set up a date and time for that. If they are not, they'll tell you so. Sometimes people won't be so direct when rejecting you and can give you excuses like they are really busy. It's OK. Just understand that anything other than a YES is actually a no. Accept rejection gracefully and move on. We all go through tons and tons of rejection before we finally meet that one person where things just click and conversation flows, and dates are fun and one thing leads into the next.

Thanks for clarification

[catfeeder]

It's easier to target other people who appear to be lonely themselves rather than try to befriend people who already have lots of friends. If you're in school, your tuition covers mental health counseling on campus, and part of mental health is social health. These counselors are trained to help students learn how to make friends and socialize. It might feel like a problem unique to you, but you can trust that lots of other people share it with you. Those are the ones most likely to be open to starting a friendship with you, and often times the counselors at school will aid this by offering group sessions where everyone supports one another.

[nerd7473]

It's easier to target other people who appear to be lonely themselves rather than try to befriend people who already have lots of friends. If you're in school, your tuition covers mental health counseling on campus, and part of mental health is social health. These counselors are trained to help students learn how to make friends and socialize. It might feel like a problem unique to you, but you can trust that lots of other people share it with you. Those are the ones most likely to be open to starting a friendship with you, and often times the counselors at school will aid this by offering group sessions where everyone supports one another.

The only counselor just kept trying to refer me

[catfeeder]

The only counselor just kept trying to refer me

 

Refer you to who?

[nerd7473]

Refer you to who?

Another counselor in Chickasha (the town I go to school).

[catfeeder]

Another counselor in Chickasha (the town I go to school).

 

Okay. Have you made an appointment with that counselor?

[nerd7473]

Okay. Have you made an appointment with that counselor?

No I have not, monetary reasons. I will be attending a autism conference though. It was recommended by my school's counselor.

[catfeeder]

No I have not, monetary reasons. I will be attending a autism conference though. It was recommended by my school's counselor.

 

I'd go back to the school counselor and state that you're entitled to the services you've already paid for through your tuition, and an unaffordable referral isn't useful to you. Request that he or she consult with any experts who can advise him or her of ways to help you, and begin a schedule of regular appointments with this counselor or his or her peers, augmented by any referrals to experts and resources that are affordable for you.

 

Head high.

[nerd7473]

I'd go back to the school counselor and state that you're entitled to the services you've already paid for through your tuition, and an unaffordable referral isn't useful to you. Request that he or she consult with any experts who can advise him or her of ways to help you, and begin a schedule of regular appointments with this counselor or his or her peers, augmented by any referrals to experts and resources that are affordable for you.

 

Head high.

Thank you.