To be or not to be

[D11monster]

I've been with my wife for 9 years, I've always worked, cleaned the house, took care of the kids, the bills, the house.... The whole time I've done this I've asked for my wife's help. At the most it will get better for a week. She watches net flix or her phone all day. After 7 years I told her to get a job or get out cause she would spend all the money on fast food and just stupid crap, and I make decent money. She never keeps the kids lunch account up at school. Sent my youngest to school with no coat in fall. Just stuff like that. My kids are always late for school and they say cause mom won't get up. ECT. So she gets a job..... Morning shift at a Walmart. Needless to say she has had 7 jobs the last 2 years and somehow always gets on the evening shift. Which don't work for us.

 

 

Now for the us part. I'm kinda old fashioned, I treat a lady like a lady. I call her everyday to check-in and see how everything is going.ect ECT. She never calls me. I went 1 week without seeing her because of our schedules and wanted to see if she cared basically and I didn't get one phone call, or nothing. I've talked and talked to her about these issues and her only response is I don't know or she is silent. The sex life the last couple years has been crap. I surprised her with a retreat for just us for a weekend and she just wanted to sleep the whole time. I've told her to go to the doctor thinking she might be depressed or somthing, she did and that was the end of it. No follow ups or nothing. Then 2 months ago I found some messages from her and a co worker flirting back and fourth. I said somthing about it and she said she was just talking then later on agreed it was inappropriate. Meanwhile I bust my ass for the family and have remained loyal for 9 years without a question. Which is hard to do for a guy who's 27 and in good shape lol.

 

 

At this point I'm looking for an excuse to leave. Which I hate to say but I've been hoping and trying for change for years and haven't made any progress. I believe she is just lazy and that's that. I can't live with a destroyed house, kids not being token care of while I'm not around, and the no to crappy sex life don't really work .

 

 

But idk what do you people think.

[StarfoxGod]

Damn bro, if you are'nt messing up somewhere and this is the full story, I would leave and you are young lol you wouldn't have no problem getting another nice girl that will keep things fresh. My only question to you, do you still love her? If not move on, you will be better off.

[gebaird]

It sounds to me like your life simply won't get any better if you stay married to her. If you leave, there will be challenges ahead -- divorce can be a long and painful process -- but once the short-term pain is over you'll be free to rebuild with someone you love who loves you in return and actually invests in the relationship.

 

I think if you decide to get divorced, your future self will thank you. Best of luck.

[StarfoxGod]

It sounds to me like your life simply won't get any better if you stay married to her. If you leave, there will be challenges ahead -- divorce can be a long and painful process -- but once the short-term pain is over you'll be free to rebuild with someone you love who loves you in return and actually invests in the relationship.

 

I think if you decide to get divorced, your future self will thank you. Best of luck.

 

That was great advice! If you don't mind could you lmk your perspective on my situation?

[D11monster]

The only thing I do wrong is work to much, but this is a somewhat recent thing. My bank account is going dry.

[D11monster]

I've been thinking about it for problya a year or so now just. My biggest worry is actually the inlaws. We get along great, and spend a lot of time together actually. But they should understand. They joke around about my wife all the time.

[StarfoxGod]

Working alot is good and it wouldn't keep the love life down as long as you are pleasing her and yourself 3-4 times a week or as necessary. Trust me, me too, been applying to several other jobs.

[Lester]

It's not about finding excuses, but instead, are you in a legitimate marriage or a non-marriage?

Was she like this all along?

[tattoobunnie]

She sounds like she has severe depression. Either way, you can't change her or fix her.

 

Keep records of each time the kids are late, or ill-treated, so you get full-custody. Don't let her win money, because none of it will go to the kids. Talk to a lawyer asap.

[innoutfan]

I've been thinking about it for problya a year or so now just. My biggest worry is actually the inlaws. We get along great, and spend a lot of time together actually. But they should understand. They joke around about my wife all the time.

 

Forget trying to make anybody else happy except for you and your kids. Ive struggled with this myself and it's eye opening to let go. There will be people who don't want to talk/see you anymore. That is their problem right? A better you makes for a better father to your kids.