He broke up with me and I kissed another guy

[alepage1]

I was with a guy for over a year and was head over heels for him. I loved him and showed him that. I was completely loyal and he was not. Never cheated, but continuously lied about little things and towards the end of our relationship had a "friend" who was a girl that got too involved in our relationship. Needless to say, he broke up with me because he didn't want to "hurt me anymore". I begged him to stay with me, and he ignored my calls, watched me cry and did not care. After months of crying, after we broke up, I madeout with a guy...he lived next door and witnessed that. I did not know he saw that, nor did I do it intentionally. He knows how much I love him, and I don't know why I did it. He has made me feel awful for what I did, and called me things like a "". I love him, and want to be with him, but I feel like what he is doing is manipulative and wrong. He's been saying things like "I could never get over that, you didn't love me if you could kiss another guy." That's absolutely not true, and I love him dearly...I don't know why I did it and I feel like he is just completely in the wrong. We were broken up. And I begged for him back, he wanted nothing to do with me then. Right?

[greta96]

You didn't do anything wrong. It was his choice to break up, and he lost any claims he could have had on you the second he did so.

Tell him to grow up and stop being a drama queen. Or better yet, block him and do not listen to one more thing he has to say.

[Wiseman2]

The best thing you can do is avoid, ignore, block, delete and go as no contact as possible. You may also want to date guys outside of your usual circle of people.

 

One you break up each of you is free to do whatever you want. Why do you still love him? Were you hoping to get him jealous so he'd come back?

 

Are you broken up or not? Why are you still talking and saying ILY, etc?

He's been saying things like "I could never get over that, you didn't love me if you could kiss another guy." That's absolutely not true, and I love him dearly.

[alepage1]

I don't know why I still love him. Yes we are broken up but a part of me wants him back...I never wanted gob real up in the first place

[alepage1]

And no I did not do it to make him jealous, I really don't know why I did it.

[Wiseman2]

Why are you talking to him and saying ILY, etc if he dumped you? Why did he break up? Is he dating other girls?

Yes we are broken up but a part of me wants him back...I never wanted to break up in the first place

[RainyCoast]

And no I did not do it to make him jealous, I really don't know why I did it.

 

you did to feel like you've regained worth and power after feeling the rejected loser in the game of romance.

 

it doesn't really matter why you did it, even the fact that you've done it is irrelevant. you were single. you could've blown half the town had you wanted.

 

he cheated on you and dumped you so the accusation that you didn't love him should've elicited not guilt but the response "damn right i don't".

 

why are you still talking to him?

[j.man]

He shouldn't dump people if he doesn't want them kissing other people.

[Wiseman2]

you were single. you could've blown half the town had you wanted.

]

[audrej]

If he cannot stand to know you kissing with other guy, he should not have left you.

[alepage1]

Thank you all. Going to try and get over him. I know I didn't necessarily do anything wrong...just feel guilty because I did and still do love him.

[moodindigo91]

He sounds like a manipulative POS. That's what they do best, they make you feel crazy, they make you feel like you're the one who did some terrible wrong, and they are always the victim. If this is how he's being now, I guarantee that he will be holding it over your hear and making you feel guilty about it forever and ever if you get back together. If you want to live that way, then go for it, but the fact is that you have nothing to feel guilty for so why spend your time with someone who will continuously put you down for doing nothing wrong? No one deserves that.

[HeartGoesOn]

You're a free agent, and he has no say in anything you do. However, you're shooting yourself in the foot by continuing to stay in contact with him.

 

Why are you allowing him to interfere with your life?

[RainyCoast]

she loves him.

 

honestly, you can "love him" from afar. it doesn't require you two communicating, it especially does not require this kind of manipulative communication which implies you're his possession even after you've been disposed of, and which implies you answer to him for what you do- despite not being anyone or anything to him.

 

 

if you choose to keep in touch, you are doing so in hopes of benefiting from that contact somehow. anyone on here can tell you you won't benefit from him.

 

the other possibility is you're holding on to a unsatisfactory tie to protect yourself from making new emotional investments.

[ParisPaulette]

And good for you on trying to move on and kiss other men. I am going to prescribe the following to you and I hope you'll do it:

 

1. Go spend the next two months immersing yourself in something like a marathon, a bike-a-thon, dancing lessons, something physical that you pour your heart into. Doubly great if it's for charity and you don't give two hoots if you even finish or not, but by god you are raising some money to fight cancer or take the night back or help people who need help with medical bills or something you feel is a good and decent cause.

2. Go take something you've always wanted to, but may have been scared of doing, and just do it. Sign up for those art classes, scared of water? Find an instructor who specializes in those types of cases who will teach you swimming. Afraid of balancing a checkbook? Take a finance class or three.

3. Find someone or something who genuinely needs help and volunteer for that organization. Not saving someone from themselves, but just an honest volunteer who goes and mucks out the cages of the abandoned puppies and kittens at a no-kill shelter or you work in a soup kitchen or agree to help a local church do food drives for their food pantry or you go to a nursing home or senior center and volunteer your services. You do something that will honestly help other people and you do it through a well-established legitimate organization that needs your help.

 

Do those three things and watch your self-esteem come up and you get out of your head and into the world where you belong. Just.do.it.

 

AND while you're doing all of that you go NC from the ex. That means you send him a text or you tell him, "Never contact me again." And you go full NC. And if he's stalking you, you make a report to the police.

 

At the end of two months of not any contact from this soul-sucking manipulative little worm AND a nicely boosted self-esteem from doing things that show you that you do matter, can make a difference, can help others at that point if you still have any interest in doing so, (if you haven't by that time simply wondered why in hell you ever dated him in the first place and are bored to tears by him) tell this clown:

 

SOD THE F*ING OFF AND NEVER DARKEN MY DOOR AGAIN. YOU DON'T GET TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO ABOUT ANYTHING!!!! Then go blast "It's my life," by Bon Jovi followed by Metallica's "Don't Tread on Me" and crank it until the cops come. Tell them you're celebrating your independence day, apologize, turn the music down, and if you see him peaking at you from anywhere flip him the bird.

 

And never look back. Trust me you'll feel amazing.

[RainyCoast]

3. Find someone or something who genuinely needs help and volunteer for that organization. Not saving someone from themselves, but just an honest volunteer who goes and mucks out the cages of the abandoned puppies and kittens at a no-kill shelter or you work in a soup kitchen or agree to help a local church do food drives for their food pantry or you go to a nursing home or senior center and volunteer your services. You do something that will honestly help other people and you do it through a well-established legitimate organization that needs your help.

 

i did that. i not only genuinely felt like i would never want that d-head back, i made great friends, and i got the best job ever. i'm also getting extra education in the field (which isn't my field originally) because they're offering to move me up the ladder. do it!! you'll love it.

 

i also blasted "take the power back" by rage against the machine. ( and met a great musician who helped me improve my bass skills a lot. )

 

get out of the house, date guys, do stuff, take your power back. you have a life force that craves to flow on and when you allow it to, it's experienced as joy. i'm a curmudgeon by nature and even i can feel it. you can do this op.