Extreme Third Date (Part Deux)

[Naomi99]

I owe it to the forum to post an update of what happened on/after trip. This post is not meant to be a "nyah-nyah" moment because the majority of you were not in favor of me going, but as a true update to what developed and how I'm feeling. I really appreciated everyone's input from the prior thread, esp. those who were concerned about my safety, so thank you again.

 

First and foremost, I am completely intact and physically unscathed. The trip turned out exactly how I imagined with every day progressively better. I know you guys think I'm living in some fantasy la-la land in my head, but seriously, it was straight out of a movie. Claw-foot tubs in the middle of the room and 2-hour hikes in the drizzling rain in a forest surrounded by waterfalls Yes, we were singing and eating terrible snacks and talking about complete nonsense on the drive. It felt natural and easy. And no, he did not drop me off at the nearest train station. I never felt threatened or awkward; rather in control, respected and admired. During the long ride, we learned we have very little in common and are polar opposites, or as he liked to put it, we are complementary. But our differences didn't stop us from bonding. I felt closer to him than I have with anyone in a long time. Even though this trip was ultimately for him, he took care of me and was extremely mindful of my presence and not once did I feel neglected or smothered. (no murder jokes, please!)

 

And for the question you're all probably wondering…he remained a complete gentleman, giving me control over the hanky-panky department. We shared a bed every night, except for the first night, but never had sex, not once. We snuggled and talked and made out and barely slept. We held hands in the car, bathed together, slept together, kissed, talked about everything from the smell of our poop to childhood traumas. I've never experienced that level of intimacy and romance without it being sexually suggestive. He asked if I wanted to spend an extra day together knowing full well I wasn't going to give it up, and that made me like him more.

 

When we parted, he said I am the meanest most evil person he's ever had so much fun with. I also got an email saying how happy he was to have me in his life and thanked me again for going with him.

 

During the trip he kept making references to doing things together in the future, so now I have a big decision to make. Do I keep seeing him and deal with his unavailability when it arises? Or should I wrap this fantastic experience in a neat little package with a big fat bow and label it as a fond memory and not ever see him again?

 

For now, I'm going to savor the past week and be perfectly content with this rare and surprisingly special experience. It was the type of experience that you don't even want to share with your best friends because it sounds so surreal, and it's best kept to yourself. Know what I mean? I couldn't ask for a better way for this to have happened.

[DancingFool]

"During the long ride, we learned we have very little in common and are polar opposites, or as he liked to put it, we are complementary." Initially, in the short term, opposites attract and can get on like wildfire. The very reason of being opposites is what makes it so fun and interesting and refreshing and entertaining. However, in the long run, opposites will clash and fight as the differences lose their novelty glow and become a source of exhausting contention. So for that reason, I'd wrap this up in a glowing bundle of a wonderful once in a lifetime experience and leave it at that.

[Wiseman2]

Are you long distance? Does he come to your area often? What is his "lack of availability"? Are you still in daily contact?

Do I keep seeing him and deal with his unavailability when it arises?

[Naomi99]

"During the long ride, we learned we have very little in common and are polar opposites, or as he liked to put it, we are complementary." Initially, in the short term, opposites attract and can get on like wildfire. The very reason of being opposites is what makes it so fun and interesting and refreshing and entertaining. However, in the long run, opposites will clash and fight as the differences loose their novelty glow and become a source of exhausting contention. So for that reason, I'd wrap this up in a glowing bundle of a wonderful once in a lifetime experience and leave it at that.

 

This is true, but I meant opposites in terms of music/hobbies, things we are passionate about, math vs. reading, reality TV, how we were raised, food we like. But as for core values, mindfulness, respect, appreciation, cleanliness, I feel like we are right on point with each other.

[Naomi99]

Are you long distance? Does he come to your area often? What is his "lack of availability"? Are you still in daily contact?

He will be moving away in five months.

We have been in daily contact since the last day of the trip.

I think he is falling for me.

[pippy longstocking]

Oh Naomi this is fab . I often wondered how it had gone so really glad you posted and of course I am really happy that you are safe and had a fabulous time . It would be sad to part ways now , unless there is never ever any chance of this going anywhere and you think you will fall in love with him ... but while you are enjoying him and enjoying this experience I would just enjoy it .

[missmarple]

I'm glad you're ok and you had fun on the trip How far away will he move?

[Naomi99]

I'm glad you're ok and you had fun on the trip How far away will he move?

His business gives him several options: Across the country is the furthest. Three hours away from me is the closest.

He does not have the option to stay in our city.

[pippy longstocking]

His business gives him several options: Across the country is the furthest. Three hours away from me is the closest.

He does not have the option to stay in our city.

 

Well maybe you can just enjoy it , see what happens when he goes and it may just naturally fizzle out or you may both be able to have ways of seeing each other often enough to make it work ..it is your call darling , only you know how far you want to take it .

[greta96]

I am very happy you had a great time, and that none of our fears came true! What you described sounds about as awesome as awesome can get, and even if it doesn't progress to something long term, I think this is exactly the kind of memory that deserves to be cherished and always remembered with a smile.

Now as to what to do from here on, if it was me I know I wouldn't be able to just forget about it and move on lol, so I would probably take it one day at a time and see what happens, without making any kind of solid plans. Just enjoy the ride, you know what I mean? You two sound like you really hit it off, so try not to overthink. Don't make any decisions now, you don't need to.

Go with the flow because if more serious things are coming, they will come regardless of whether you fret over it or not.

 

Thanks for updating, I loved this post!

[tattoobunnie]

Nope, keep walking. If it's meant to be, you will be together.

[Wiseman2]

Are you seeing each other until then? He doesn't want you to move with him?

He will be moving away in five months

[katrina1980]

Naomi, first off I am so glad to hear your are safe and had an awesome time!!

 

Second, you say he is leaving in five months.

 

To me, it sounds like he is very much into you but is a bit of a "drifter," and prefers not being tied down or committed.

 

If it were me, I would lower expectations (or simply not have any - long term anyway), and enjoy what you have now until he leaves.

 

If you wish to keep communicating, while he's gone, that is fine too.

 

You sound very cool with everything, have your feet firmly implanted on the ground, so have fun, enjoy, no expectations and let it play out!

 

Again, glad you are safe and had an awesome time!

[lostandhurt]

Wait one minute here!!!

 

How do we know he didn't leave you in a ditch and this is actually him typing this update on your laptop so we won't call the police? Hmmm It has happened before cuz I saw it in a movie once Ha Ha

 

You talked about your poop? What a romantic.

 

Seriously if he is leaving in five months are you okay with having a fling and just cutting it off? The other options are stop right now to avoid hurt in five months or go on seeing him and possibly trying a long distance thing.

 

Anyways I am glad you had a great adventure.

 

Lost

[surfdiva]

Yay! I love this update. And this made me smile "I am completely intact and physically unscathed".

 

So glad you had a good time. Enjoy what you have with him and don't overthink things (says the Queen of overthinking, LOL!)

[Batya33]

Glad you had fun and it was safe too! Has he actually asked to see you again -time and place?

[Naomi99]

To me, it sounds like he is very much into you but is a bit of a "drifter," and prefers not being tied down or committed.

 

He is very much a drifter and that is an understatement. He admitted this during one of our "deep" discussions on the trip. He said he doesn't want to live this way anymore, been wanting roots and stability for a while now.

[Naomi99]

You talked about your poop? What a romantic.

 

I had to poop so bad in the hotel room, but I couldn't go because I didn't want him hearing me grunting and making pooping noises, so he said, "Okay, I'll leave the room and go get us hot chocolate." So he left the room so I could poop.

 

Another endearing moment…he said he found me so adorable, there is absolutely nothing I could possibly do that he would be turned off or disgusted by. I said, be careful. You haven't seen my ass after ethiopian food.

 

It was all so very romantic.

[Capricorn3]

I had to poop so bad in the hotel room, but I couldn't go because I didn't want him hearing me grunting and making pooping noises, so he said, "Okay, I'll leave the room and go get us hot chocolate." So he left the room so I could poop.

 

Another endearing moment…he said he found me so adorable, there is absolutely nothing I could possibly do that he would be turned off or disgusted by. I said, be careful. You haven't seen my ass after ethiopian food.

 

It was all so very romantic.

 

Ohhhh, um ...... ICK.

[Naomi99]

Glad you had fun and it was safe too! Has he actually asked to see you again -time and place?

 

Yes, he has. We got back earlier this week. After we went our separate ways, he said he felt sad and missed me. So he invited me over for dinner and to meet some of his friends, and I went…even though I kind of didn't want to because I know it could potentially mean huge heartbreak in five months.

 

We still haven't done the horizontal hokey-pokey. I know this one will wait for me.

[JaggerJim]

I said, be careful. You haven't seen my ass after ethiopian food.

 

omg did you really say this

[Naomi99]

Yes, I really did.

[boltnrun]

Naomi, is there a way, and would you be willing, and would HE be willing, to try to continue on after he moves away?

[Naomi99]

Naomi, is there a way, and would you be willing, and would HE be willing, to try to continue on after he moves away?

 

Anything is possible, but right now I think he is high on oxytocin and *I* am the one who is being more realistic about things (surprise.)

As a hypothetical, he asked if I could imagine myself living in the city we just visited. I said not really. If it was temporary, maybe.

 

This is sooooo new, I know better than to commit to something/someone I barely know. How well can you know someone after one week????

He is the one who has history of moving around so much, leaving a trail of failed long-distance relationships behind him. Not sure I want to attach myself to someone like that.

[Naomi99]

Anyway, I just hung the most beautiful wallpaper at my house and I do not want to leave it.