Free from Emotional abuse

[kfk]

Hello everyone,

I just thought I'd share my experience to encourage others who may have gone through a similar experience with emotional abuse from a partner.

 

I'm 23, have had a few relationships, only one that was serious. Now when I met my now ex, I was trying to figure out my life as far as school and work. I had just ended my LTR because I was just unhappy. A few months later I met my most recent ex, we met online and instantly hit it off. We met & had an amazing connection. He lives about an hour and a half away from me but we agreed we would make it work. He told me everything I wanted to hear, like how no one ever made him feel this way, he knows I'm the one, etc.

 

Now, although everything seemed lovely, I ignored some red flags. I noticed that whenever he would go out with his friends especially at night, I wouldn't hear from him. At all. I called him once, not knowing he was out with them and he asked me what I wanted in a very rude manner. I always made the effort to go and see him. I always went to his house, never once did he offer to take me anywhere. He constantly criticized my friends, saying they were bad people to be around (he never met not one of them) & got upset whenever I was with them. He would also start arguments over the slightest things too, especially when I joked around about something. One particular time, we fought about a joke I made for about a week. When we fought, he would start the argument, & if I didn't immediately apologize, I would get ignored until I finally did apologize.

 

He always accused me of lying. He didn't believe my age (why would I have any reason to lie about my age?!), thought I was still in high school, & was convinced that my parents adopted me. He also thought I was cheating on him with my ex who I was in a LTR with. He would call me randomly and accuse, making me feel terrible. Then hang up and ignore me. He's broken up with me multiple times, & yes, I begged and begged. He told me that I was an evil person & I caused problems between him and his parents although I never met them. I tried to do whatever I could to prove to him that I was worthy of having him. I can honestly say this person has never done a damn thing for me.

 

This only got worse. As months went on, we fought every single day. He went as far as to contact my mother and ask if I was with anyone else. While we were together, I graduated college and got promoted at work. Not once did he express any happiness for me. One time I got hurt at work, not once did he ask if I was okay. My hands were full, but still I made time to see him. He would call me crying & angry, telling me to be truthful and everything would go back to normal. I wasn't going admit to cheating because I never have. Again, he would give me the silent treatment after cursing me out, hanging up and blocking me. Then he would come back days later and talk to me as if nothing happened. About a month ago I finally had enough. Talking to him was literally giving me panic attacks to the point where I wasn't sleeping or eating. When he realized I was finally done, he threatened to come to my job & "embarrass" me. He looked up my jobs address and sent it to me and said "see you tomorrow". He never did show up. I kept an open line of communication because I thought he would realize & change for me. Whenever I spoke to him about how hurtful he was, he would stay completely quiet and not respond. I begged him to get help because he obviously has issues, but he flat out told me that I'm the one that needs counseling. Since then, he found any little reason to contact me.

 

This past week though, I've realized a lot. I don't want that type of person in my life at all. The person I thought I fell in love with is all an illusion. The last time we spoke was a little more than a week ago but I already feel SO relieved that I don't have to deal with this person anymore. It's not my job to fix him, it's not my job to feed his ego. So I completely cut him off, deleted him from all social media, blocked and deleted his number from my phone. I'm doing so well for myself, & I wouldn't have realized that unless I let him go for good. I'm so happy with where I'm at now. I only feel bad for opening up to such a horrible person but I can only learn from this and move on. This made me well aware of the type of person I want to be with. For now I'm not looking for anyone, just focusing on myself.

 

For those in toxic relationships, sometimes there is no fixing things. Sometimes it's best to move on & learn because greater things are coming your way

[boltnrun]

Wonderful that you got out.

 

Are you interested in any counseling to understand why you thought you "loved" someone like that?

[kfk]

Yes, very interested. I never thought I'd be in a situation like that. I plan on attending therapy very soon, because I also suffer from anxiety.