Boyfriend of almost 2 years broke up over this weekend.

[flowergrl80]

Hello, i am here to express my thoughts and feelings. As I am feeling very depressed sad and many emotions going through my mind now. Bf and I just broke up over the weekend.

 

A little about ourselves. I am in late 30s and he is in late 40's. He has a professional job, house, and pretty much settle. As I am still not having a profession as of yet but i do have a settle job that pays all my bills and etc and live ok but of course I need a better job.

 

Boyfriend and I had a good relationship. We did have many differences but we tried to work things out. Our cultural was a big difference as I am an American/Asian and he is in Middle eastern nationality. But i learn a lot about his culture.

 

He was a bit controlling about things, like the way I eat....or dress....or whatever. He puts comments about me that makes me feel very low of myself. This was not good at all. But if something he doesn't like what I do or act he will get upset and say things about. And that makes me feel like crap of course. I tried to take it like he is trying to tell me it in a good way So i can learn about things and that he isnt intentionally making me feel low. But how i felt was how i felt at that time.

 

I wasn't feeling like myself and I felt very uncomfortable because i felt like if i do something it might be wrong to him. He notices that too and he told me that I really need to feel good and happy and comfortable around him. But sometimes he wasn't make that happen to me. Other times yes but most of the time is no.

 

He also say i have bad breath and this can be caused by so many factors. I didnt take it seriously because it was a hurtful thing to hear and also i couldnt smell it on myself?! He mentioned this to me a year ago. And he kept mentioning it and to him he says i didnt really care to see how important that is and that he cant keep repeating himself all time. I tried the best I can to fix it but No one else smelled my bad breath and it was only him cus of course we get close together.

So this year i tried to fix it and couldnt find anything that can be wrong. I did tests and stuff and nothing came out that i had bad breath??? but what can i do about that?

 

This is just one reason and there are so many more of things he dislike about me. I won't go in details but this sounds more important to me to discuss it here than others.

 

So, moving on , Our relationship was good. Met all his friends and family. He thought I was the one to marry and to have kids ( As he says) we had a good life together.

 

Sometime in mid of this year, he was acting a little different towards me like he was loosing interest. So one day i went through his phone because he had me looking for something like a picture of us to send to my phone I was reading through the text messages. And one thing in particular got my attention. It turn out he went on a dating website and talk to another female and went out for a coffee and that was the end of the convo ( this was back in June) and i found out few weeks later in that Same month. He denied of course and later he admit that he felt our relationship wasn't moving forward. So from here on out my trust for him was going away. I kept thinking he is going to meet someone to replace me. How can i take him seriously and work on myself or anything if i keep thinking he is going to cheat on me all time. I tried my best to ignore and forgive as he said he won't do it again. I want to trust him so i moved on with the feelings but it was always on back of head of mine.

 

As months went by, he started to be distance towards me saying he is very busy with work and etc. Last month, (october) he was very distance and not talking to me much. So this brought up me to worry of what is going on. I kept asking him and he said he is very busy with work. We still saw each other and went on few weekend trips but it felt different and felt something was wrong. Towards the end of October, i was getting very worried and fraustrated and started to call or text a lot to get some answer. If he didn't want to be with me than he needs to tell me. But he wouldnt give me a straight answer.We didn't see each other on the last weekend of october because he said he needed some time for himself and that i need to feel comfortable around him and etc.

 

first week of November. Just last Friday 4th. I called him and ask if we are going to go out on the weekend. he said sure why not. So on saturday, i text him to tell me when is he free so we can do something together. He was not into it at all. I called him and said u said u would see me but now u got other plans? so i immediately told him this is not right and i need to call of this relationship. We argued and that was it. And that night i drove to his place to talk to him in person about all these problems and issue. He said that his place is not only place to meet. There is other places like my home and etc...he is been going at it that i dont invite him over. I have a dog and it seem like he isnt comfortable her barking a lot and stuff ( thats how i felt) But he said it wasnt like that...

 

So, on Sunday the 6th. We went out for breakfast and we had a talk about all of this things. It is always the same thing we been discussing over the periods of time we were together. So, overall,he said he wanted to marry me cus he thought i was the one. He really cares and likes me and respects me alot. But he isnt for sure because the relationship isnt moving forward. he said we tried to work it out but it isnt working out well. We are stuck in the middle and not moving forward. He said that he is overly stressed and he has this tummy problem that is not psychical but mentally. He is seeking therapist and trying to figure out things. He said he is going through a lot of things right now.

 

So we talked and talked and i express my feelings as well and etc. And he said that we need to make a decision now with the holidays coming up. And he said it is best that i live my life and be with friends and that we just dont take breaks or time away because he doesnt want a hope that he wants me back again. I

 

So he just got up and said he had to go and walk away. I remain there sitting there crying and crying. It wasn't the best scene there is in front of people at a restaurant. That evening i text him saying i am sorry for not giving a proper goodbye and that this is good for us now and it may hurt awhile and that i respect his space and his decision and that i said thanks again and be well. he never respond me back.

 

He still has our pictures up with ourselves and our friends on his facebook. I know it doesnt mean anything but it makes me feel he still cares and likes me. And yesterday one of our freinds invited us both for a house dinner party. I didnt reply I am guessing he will tell them about it.

 

I am sorry for this long long letter of my feelings and expression. I just need it to talk about it and let it out. I would love any feedbacks and advices to take as this is really hard for me.

 

I dont know what to do? I want to be with him and work things out . I want to call him and see him. i cant ignore the way I feel about him. Do i just move on? Do i wait til he figures out what he really wants me or not? Will he call me again?

Or is this it???

[greta96]

"He was a bit controlling about things, like the way I eat....or dress....or whatever. He puts comments about me that makes me feel very low of myself. This was not good at all. But if something he doesn't like what I do or act he will get upset and say things about. And that makes me feel like crap of course. I tried to take it like he is trying to tell me it in a good way So i can learn about things and that he isnt intentionally making me feel low."

 

Why on earth did you put up with this dip&hit for so long??? I know you love him and all, but the breakup is the best thing that could have happened to you! It's like the Universe, seeing that you are too weak to end an unfortunate, destructive situation, threw in a helping hand to rid you of that controlling, abusive, cheating POS.

 

Yes, move on and thank your lucky stars he's out of your life! Ugh....I feel sorry for his next victim.

[Wiseman2]

After 2 yrs, what does he mean by "It's not moving forward"? Does he want to marry a Muslim/middle eastern woman? Do his parents want to arrange a marriage for him?

 

Why was he on a dating site and meeting women for coffee? Do you think he found someone else? Were you exclusive?

 

It sounds like a horrible relationship where he was controlling and insulting. Why did you put up with that? Did he support you?

I am an American/Asian and he is in Middle eastern .It turn out he went on a dating website and talk to another femaleand went out for a coffee. he isnt for sure because the relationship isnt moving forward. he said we tried to work it out but it isnt working out well.

[flowergrl80]

He says it isnt moving forward because he doesnt feel i am the one I guess. Because he feels that I am not taking things seriously and I am not showing things to fix / But you cant change a person right?

I dont know if he wants to marry someone in his same race. He been divorced once or twice before I met him. We were exclusive. I have no idea why he would do that in first place...maybe he wanted to date his own race again???

 

Yeah he was a bit controlling about the things about me. I think he was expecting too much from me. I felt insulted because the way he approach things.

[Wiseman2]

Agree. He sounds like a jerk, be glad he is out of your life. Go no contact and block him from all social media.

He been divorced once or twice before I met him.I think he was expecting too much from me. I felt insulted because the way he approach things.

[Ms Darcy]

The relationship was horrible. He was controlling and cheating on you.

 

I hope you are not this desperate for a man.

 

In time, I think you will see how bad he was for you.

[Edmund Exley]

He says it isnt moving forward because he doesnt feel i am the one I guess. Because he feels that I am not taking things seriously and I am not showing things to fix / But you cant change a person right?

I dont know if he wants to marry someone in his same race. He been divorced once or twice before I met him. We were exclusive. I have no idea why he would do that in first place...maybe he wanted to date his own race again???

 

Yeah he was a bit controlling about the things about me. I think he was expecting too much from me. I felt insulted because the way he approach things.

 

SOunds to me like 2 other people couldnt put up with his control issues.

[flowergrl80]

SOunds to me like 2 other people couldnt put up with his control issues.

 

 

 

Thanks everyone for their replies. I am accepting the fact that this relationship was not going well. OF course we both had our good times. I hate the feeling of this.

 

Anyways, one of our friends ( his circle of friends) Invited us to a dinner party this weekend. I called Ex to let him know if he was able to tell them and he did reply back saying he already talk to them. And another friend of ours invited us to a bbq party and so i text him and let him know as well. it is hard because i am friends with all his friends and family on facebook and we all contact each other through there.

 

He has not replied back to me yet BUT i guess he wont and i know in my mind i want him to reply back and i want everything back to normal which i know it wont happen. I been keeping myself busy with reading books about healing my mind and watching vidoes about breaking up and what to do and how to deal. It has been helping me a lot. BUT once again it has been few days since we made our final decision.

[Wiseman2]

Why don't these people know you supposedly broke up? Why can't you notify these people and then unfriend and block them if they are his people?

one of our friends Invited us to a dinner party this weekend. I called Ex to let him know if he was able to tell them and he did reply back saying he already talk to them. And another friend of ours invited us to a bbq party and so i text him and let him know as well.

[flowergrl80]

These are mostly his circle of friends. I met them through him If they were my friends of course I would already told them. But I dont think he told them about it. It seem like. I am not sure. But I won't say anything to them. I have him tell them and if they delete me and unfriend me than thats fine too. I just dont do that. It seems a bit childish to me. These people didn't do anything to me. But thats how I think......