Can anyone explain why he did this to me?

[jane4221]

Hello.

 

I posted a little while ago about a man I met, really liked, and very shortly after we met his parents passed away. I asked him right away if he thought maybe it was a bad time to date, and that I would understand if he wanted to forget it and he could contact me in a few months if he wanted; but he said he was 100% sure he wanted to date me and that he saw a definite possibility of something really special with us and did not want to lose the chance.

 

For the first three months, he was upset and up and down as to be expected, but was also saying that he definitely wanted to date / be with me - but he needed a little time and space to process his loss. We got on really great, had so much in common and I really liked him, so I "waited" for quite a while and was there to talk /share with him over that time period and just grew to like him more and more as we talked.

 

Then just as we had arranged a date and to meet up again finally, he suddenly did a 180 degree turn and told me that due to his loss he was not ready for a relationship and that he could not be the person I needed and it was better to walk away than to break my heart down the road. I was pretty surprised because he'd asked me all that time to just be a little patient and kept saying he was 100% sure, and by then we had invested a lot of time into each other, but I accepted his decision and walked away. He disappeared for about 4 weeks , but then popped back saying he missed me and asking me if I was dating someone else and telling me he hated that idea.

 

At this point he started to want to speak to me all that time, and that escalated to the point that for months we were talking every day. We talked by phone and message most days and over that time a really deep friendship grew. We talked about practically everything from our day to day lives to our childhood worries, our fears in life, our thoughts about books / religion / the world and this became a really close and important relationship in my life. We started to even read the same books at the same time and then talk about them together. For certain this man was my biggest cheerleader. Even though he was grieving and seemed a bit of a mess emotionally sometimes, he went out of his way all the time to make me feel happy and good and he talked to me about all my insecurities and worries in life and seemed to want to protect me in some way or make me happy.

 

Over all this time, we never saw each other.

 

He constantly said he wanted to, and we arranged dates half a dozen times and something always came up to prevent it. Each time I'd be upset and ask if he was avoiding me and he'd say really earnestly that he desperately wanted to see and be with me but that he was in a really "bad place". I tried to date other people a couple of times and when I did it was difficult with him because he was clearly really jealous and upset about it, and also I didn't enjoy the dates because I was thinking of someone else.

 

He kept saying he just wanted me to be happy and have someone who deserved me etc. but at the same time he seemed very jealous and sad at the idea of losing me and I felt torn because he seemed to really want to be with me and I could not understand what was stopping him. I know grief can be bad, but I just did not understand why he was avoiding seeing me and started to wonder if he just wanted a penpal or to friendzone me or something. He always said that was the opposite of true, that to him, he knew a lot of people and that I was the only person in the world that really made him happy, the only person in the world who was totally beautiful on the inside and outside and that he really genuinely wanted us to be together.

 

He was up and down though.

 

Half the time he would be romantic and would constantly tell me how beautiful I was and how I was the brightest spot in his day and he would make plans for the future with me and we'd happily talk about all the things we were going to do / see.

 

Other times he would get really strange and not talk to me for a few days or weeks. He'd then come back, sad and frustrated telling me he had tried to walk away from me but could not do it because I was always in his head. I'd ask him why he wanted to try and walk away from me and he'd seem really sad and tell me that I deserved better than him and that the reality of being together would not be what I expected, and he'd talk in circles about how maybe we'd not be together in this life but he'd been reading up on Hinduism and maybe we'd have a chance in another life. I did not understand what he was talking about or why he was saying those things. He'd just tell me he was not as good a person as me, and that he felt if he had me, he would ultimately screw it up and lose me.

 

It was all a bit strange but to be honest I put it down to a man who was going through really severe grief and maybe also depression so it didn't seem that strange.

 

All the way through I pretty much had no doubt we would end up together, because the bond between us was just so strong there didn't seem to be any real possibility either of us would walk away from it. That said, it went on for a really long time that he would not see me! It got to nearly 8 months since his parents died and I had still not seen him. I know this sounds ridiculous, but he was always planning and arranging to see me, and then he'd pull away as if he was in a panic about something and so it seemed like it was always going to be happening "soon" and before I knew it so much time had passed that I realised it wasn't normal and started to wonder if maybe he was hiding something from me.

 

I had a talk with him and I told him that I really liked him, had perhaps even grown to love him, and that I understood he was grieving - but that I couldn't continue anymore being so invested and close emotionally with someone who was not making the choice to spend time with me face to face. I explained that because of my attachment to him emotionally, it was preventing me from dating other people and that this was preventing me from having a life and that he either needed to take a step forward and be fully in a relationship with me - or he had to walk away from me completely with no more contact.

 

He listened to me, and he was really sad - tearful - and he went away for a few hours then came back to me and he told me although it was really hard for him to do it, he knew that he had no choice to but "let me go" and he wanted me to move on and find a really happy life, he explained in detail how beautiful he thought I was on the inside and the outside and he told me that to him, I would always be the best person he ever knew and made me promise to look after myself and find someone who would be good enough for me because I deserved the entire world.

 

It was really sad, and I didn't get why he was letting me go, but I accepted it was for the best and that if he missed me he would be back. I cried like a baby for about two weeks solid and was honestly and truly heartbroken.

 

Then a friend of mine, who was suspicious over his refusal to see me and other things he had said did some research online and found out he had lied to me from day one. He lied about his name, age, job, location and his parents did not even die. Worst of all, he was married. All of this was the most unbelievable shock to me and I just did not understand why he would do this to me or what he gained from it.

 

The deception was extensive. He had fake social media pages, fake everything. Countless times over the time period he had shown me work emails and messages from his "ex wife" talking about the kids or contact and I even got messages from his friends sometime saying they could not wait to meet me - and absolutely all of this was fabricated. Worst of all, I think this game of deception must have been going on for a long time and I was probably not the only person he did it to -both because the deception was just so extensive and had so much detail and also because his "fake" self has new female friends, presumably "new" people he is pulling this deception on.

 

I can almost in some way understand someone doing all of this perhaps to get you into bed or to have an affair if they were married, but we never slept together and he was rarely sexual on the phone. It seemed more emotional as if he wanted to pretend to be this other person and pretend to be dating me or to have a future with me and for some reason he made up this awful story about his tragedy which made me feel so sorry for him.

 

I am struggling right now, because I kind of know that only a very ill or twisted human being would be capable of doing any of this, but at the same time I feel almost like he did actually care about me. It seemed very real in some way I can't explain and I am finding it hard to eat or sleep or even think straight because I feel so violated. I haven't (and won't) confronted him or anything - I just can't face that, so I think most likely I will just never speak to this person again but my mind is in such a mess.

 

Can anyone tell me why a person would even do this?

[missmarple]

only a very ill or twisted human being would be capable of doing any of this

 

And only a very naïve or gullible person would have fallen for all that...and keep falling for 8 months!

 

Look...the reasons someone would create a fake self online are countless. It's happened a lot and it will keep happening. All we can do is protect ourselves by not giving endless chances to people. Just the thought that you hadn't met in 8 months and you kept talking to him boggles my mind.

[SherrySher]

People have a computer in front of them, they get bored and enjoy playing games, for the sake of it if nothing else.

You, and more than likely countless others, were something for him to do on the side. He was in a fantasy world, and enjoyed pretending. There doesn't have to be much more reason than that. But hands down, he was not interested in you in "real life", he just wanted to play around.

If you should ever find yourself in another online relationship, do investigating, don't sit around and assume that the other person is completely honest.

There is actually a term for this now a days because so many have pulled the same stunt.."catfish"...and yes it's sick and twisted.Some people have little to no morals and enjoy messing with people. Hopefully this has now taught you a lesson and you won't allow someone else to do this to you again.

[jane4221]

And only a very naïve or gullible person would have fallen for all that...and keep falling for 8 months!

 

Look...the reasons someone would create a fake self online are countless. It's happened a lot and it will keep happening. All we can do is protect ourselves by not giving endless chances to people. Just the thought that you hadn't met in 8 months and you kept talking to him boggles my mind.

 

We did meet though, only did not see each other after his tragedy - which was why I was convinced it was normal or understandable anyway

[SherrySher]

No, no,no. It was a bait to fool you and make you think it was something real. You let it go on for far too long. Try listening to your instinct next time, you said so yourself that it seemed odd, or weird, so somewhere inside of you, you knew. Next time listen closer to that instinct. Unfortunately, not everyone is honest.

[jane4221]

I know that, looking back it was weird -I actually posted on here about it because I felt something was off and people pretty much unanimously said "his parents just died, he needs space" so the whole "faked death" thing definitely put me into a weird position for sure - which I guess is probably why he made the story up I suppose!!!

[SherrySher]

Yeah, some people are jerks with a capital J and don't care who they hurt. I'm sorry this happened to you, but it did give you more smarts now on what people online can be like and next time around, you will know better. Hang in there.

Incidentally, how sick to make up a story of dead parents...*shudder*....count yourself lucky that you caught him out.

[MissCanuck]

Good heavens, this man is a sociopath.

 

I would wager that you are one of many women in his roster and he wanted to keep that filled up so that when opportunity came, he could meet up with you. Those times he canceled? His wife or another girl on the side had other plans for him.

 

He is a sick individual.

[jane4221]

Yeah, it wasn't really like just saying "my parents died" it was way worse than that.

 

He texted me a photo of the obituary with a spelling mistake in it and copies of letters to complain to the paper for the distress of the family.

 

He would message me through the night when he said he couldn't sleep.

 

He'd go on an on about how he was losing weight and felt lost and it totally had my sympathy.

 

He would call me saying he was having his first panic attack of his life and I'd talk him down.

 

I sent him books of grief and grieving to help him.

 

I paid for a DAMNED TREE to be planted in a forest with a plaque in memorial of his parents and we planned a trip to go and visit the forest.

 

He went on and on about how great a man his Dad was and how he hoped he was proud.

 

Back in July when I tried to call it off because he would not see me, he called me up saying he'd taken the day off work and gone to the cemetry to "talk to them" and he quietly told me he understood if I wanted to walk away because he had been "rubbish" but he said it was unintentional and he genuinely wanted his life to have me in it and that he did not want me to go. It was total manipulation.

 

It was sick, sick, sick. I absolutely believed him.

 

It wasn't like the TV show "Catfish" really in the sense that we'd met, he was not texting and messaging me all these love messages or anything crazy or teenage or over the top - we mostly talked about our kids, our lives and he was supportive and a good person to me. I really do not understand what he got out of it!!!

 

He lied so much about his job too - claiming to be a lot more successful and wealthy than he was, and that part I can understand but it was as extensive as pretending to be places he obviously wasn't and fictitious business trips where he would actually send me selfies and gifts. It was a seriously polished act! I think most people would have believed it, at least for a few months. All my friends believed it and even my therapist did not raise any red flags to me. He did not seem married at all...he would call me and talk to me anytime day or night and we often spoke at bedtime most nights. I do not know how he did it! Maybe she lives apart from him or something.

 

Its just hard for my brain to compute that over that length of time someone would deceive me like this just for kicks or entertainment and that not a shred of that friendship was real.

[jane4221]

I genuinely do not believe he was dating anyone else simultaneously. He pretty much talked to me day and night. First thing in the morning, last thing at night, often for hours most evenings. There is just no way he was actually dating anyone else and also little time. I think he must do one "project" at a time, but I definitely believe it is a well rehearsed thing and something he has done multiple times and will continue to do. His wife and him must live separately during the week or something because often the only time we didn't talk by phone was Saturday night, but he would text the entire time saying he was with his kids. He passed off the image of being the greatest Dad in the world. All weekend photos of them doing cool stuff and he endlessly asked about my son and basically said and did everything possible to make me like and trust him. Ugh, I feel so sick. I don't know how to process all of this in my mind AT ALL.

[SherrySher]

Definite sociopath. You dodged a huge bullet. Thank your lucky stars you found out and got away from him. He is not right in the head.

Don't let this upset you anymore, just shake your head at it and move on.

[Iggy5129]

Have you never seen the show Catfish?

[katrina1980]

Not defending the guy, but his *scam* seems quite elaborate especially in light of the fact he never asked for money or even sex (cyber sex which many people get off on)..

 

Curious to know what type of "research" your 'friend' did that made her determine everything about him was fake?

 

Is it possible her suspicions caused her to embellish a bit? Because she personally didn't like him or trust him?

 

I am not so naive to believe such scammers don't exist (experienced it myself actually by doing MY OWN research), but again his hoax seems quite elaborate for someone who apparently did not want money or sex.

 

Did YOU confirm HER "research" or just take her word?

[kktang]

I usually conduct a due diligent search on LinkedIn after 2nd or 3rd date if I like a guy enough. By then I'd know better where he works, went to school and sometime last name. What other background check should one do to protect him/herself?

[jane4221]

Have you never seen the show Catfish?

 

Yes, I watched lots of episodes after this. People who had never met, never even video chatted, pretending to be someone else for months of years. This was a little different in that we'd seen each other in the flesh and he gave reasons of personal tragedy for pulling back from moving forward in the relationship, so it was harder to "spot" and also a lot harder to understand the motivation behind it - which was why I was never suspicious.

[jane4221]

I usually conduct a due diligent search on LinkedIn after 2nd or 3rd date if I like a guy enough. By then I'd know better where he works, went to school and sometime last name. What other background check should one do to protect him/herself?

 

So did I, before first date. He checked out on all of that - he had fake profiles which looked real.

[jane4221]

Not defending the guy, but his *scam* seems quite elaborate especially in light of the fact he never asked for money or even sex (cyber sex which many people get off on)..

 

Curious to know what type of "research" your 'friend' did that made her determine everything about him was fake?

 

Is it possible her suspicions caused her to embellish a bit? Because she personally didn't like him or trust him?

 

I am not so naive to believe such scammers don't exist (experienced it myself actually by doing MY OWN research), but again his hoax seems quite elaborate for someone who apparently did not want money or sex.

 

Did YOU confirm HER "research" or just take her word?

 

 

Yes, what she found was irrefutable. His hoax was very elaborate, and no, sex was not a motive but more emotional attention or my "good opinion". He used most of the details of his real life, his real children, his real wife was presented as his ex, his real job history was given to me although he lied about the job titles and the false version of himself was much more successful. He used all the same names of family and friends and just a different name and "character" of himself planted into this very real picture of a life. He even sent me screenshots of conversations with friends like "Oh when are we going to meet Jane" and sometimes I thought I was texting his kids when he was driving. It was crazy! He pretended to be multiple people using multiple phones and accounts Anything "weird" was always easily explained away by the fact that his parents had just died, and that drew me away from any suspicion. Most of all though, I could not figure in my head a single reason why anyone would do that so it never occurred to me that he was lying. As you say, not wanting sex or money, so why? In think honestly was to get my "love", emotional connection and to pretend to be the version of himself he wished he was.

 

How anyone could be that cruel to use someone else that way is the part that is beyond my comprehension. Genuinely over that time, I thought we were very close and that he deeply cared about me and the entire time he was lying to "take" from me emotionally.

 

My friend was suspicious because she felt it was odd that his parents both died like that, and that he wanted to talk to me all the time but not see me and that there was always an excuse. She suspected he was married. She checked it out by calling his office - no one there had ever worked there by that name. Then she digged around his Linkedin page and found someone on who had "endorsed" him multiple times and she looked up THAT person on facebook and found basically the "Real" him - the wife, the kids, all the same friends and family he had described to me and I was able to verify it all because he had sent me REAL pictures of friends and family and used all their real names / jobs /details.

 

So yeah, he definitely made up a fake identity. I found it incredibly hard to believe, trust me. I sat there staring at the evidence in my face and still could not even actually believe anyone had done something so elaborate. My guess is that it has been going on a long time, and serves some sort of fantasy for the person or life he wishes he was and that he uses the tragedy story in order to convince the person to take up some sort of cyber romance with him without asking questions. I think probably most people would have rumbled him or become suspicious earlier than I did, but honestly, I guess I just wanted to believe him. The alternative was beyond my brain capacity and I cared DEEPLY about this person and believed we were close and had trusted him with all my own past losses and thoughts and feelings. Coming to the point of realising that person is actually all a lie is really, really hard so at some point I guess you just accept the weirdness of the situation.

[katrina1980]

Well true sociopaths possess neither empathy nor a conscience so in that sense, it makes sense why he did it.

 

Be thankful you found out earlier rather than later.

 

Lesson learned!

[jane4221]

I usually conduct a due diligent search on LinkedIn after 2nd or 3rd date if I like a guy enough. By then I'd know better where he works, went to school and sometime last name. What other background check should one do to protect him/herself?

 

 

Just to further answer your question here, I did a lot of research on this after it happened to me. Online dating is full of people who lie or embellish or who are married, and in my case of people who are basically predators who will fabricate ANYTHING to get attention and supply from you. I think the advice I would give to "be safe" would be:

 

1. Check out their social media. Bear in mind how easy it is to fake these, so really be suspicious of anyone with no photos, or no photos they are tagged in by others, or who have few friends or thousands of friends or a lot of selfies or pictures without anyone else in them. It's alarmingly easy to set up 20 fake profiles and create and entirely fake network that makes it look real but it is harder to get the real links to real life people who check out. After looking into my guys "fake" profiles, I could see more easily how he faked it.

 

2. Google them. If they have a certain type of job, check it out. Like if they say they are a doctor they WILL be on Google somewhere.

 

3. Meet them face to face within a week or two or don't keep talking. It can also be good to facetime or Skype before meeting so you "know" this persons photos are real, before going to meet a stranger. anyone who says they can;t video chat nowadays is a liar, everyone can from their phone.

 

4. Use common sense in terms of coincidences. Of this person is REALLY unlucky, like stories of crimes or dead family or illness or that sort of thing this is a huge red flag. This guy seemed to be the most unlucky person on the planet and looking back I can't believe I was that dumb but they use this commonly to explain away weird behavior.

 

5. Watch out for anyone with limitations on normal dating and contact. If they can only speak on certain days or times or if they seem to have heaps of time to chat with you online but not actually date, then be worried. Even if they have just been through a bereavement there is no reason they can't be in the same room talking to you!

 

6. Don't get attached emotionally or form "trust" for someone you met online until you have met their friends or family. I honestly believe that is the ONLY way to truly verify someone is authentic, not just in terms of their name but in terms of their "story". I mean, that person can go on 290 dates with you and still be lying to you about a lot.

 

This is my experience and how I will behave in future.

[katrina1980]

Many people (like myself) don't use social media, Facebook, Twitter, IG, etc . I am way too private a person to feel comfortable with all that.

 

I did have a Facebook account awhile ago for *friends* only.

 

Also I don't use my full last name (too long) in my email address ....only first name (partial) and partial last name (last six letters).

 

I don't do OLD, if I did I would look for local guys and meet them in person asap!

 

For guys I meet on a forum or chat room, who live long distance, I don't give personal info about myself until we meet in person... whenever that may be.

 

So ... many guys might think I am "fake* too if they were to rely on what they find or don't find on the internet.

 

I think the only way to determine if someone is real is to meet in person, until then be wary.

 

If they refuse to Skype or video chat, another red flag.

 

But just to know, people can scam you even when you meet in real life!

 

Conducting due diligence is good. Fortunately, I work in a law firm and as such have tons of resources to confirm things such as where they live, real name, (via their IP from their email address) that most people don't have.

 

In short, you just can't fully trust anyone, on line or off, until you have met in person and spent a reasonable amount of time with them.

[DancingFool]

He didn't do this to you. You did this to yourself. As much as this bites, you've got to start thinking about it from this angle.

 

You cannot become a PI or hire one for every single person you might be considering dating. What you can do is exercise some strong rules, boundaries and common sense. In short, don't engage in pen pal type "relationships" regardless of what reasonable sounding excuse someone gives you. Dating happens in real life, there is no such thing as online. Print that out, put in on your fridge.

 

Cut out the bs - exchange a few basic e-mails, meet. If you both like each other, date. If dating keeps going well, eventually it will grow into a relationship. If someone is putting up excuses, doesn't matter what the excuse is, the point is they are putting up excuses for meeting, for dating, for real life interactions - you walk away immediately. If someone starts telling you they are broken, have issues in their life, busy with work, etc, etc, etc - you walk away. Tell them to contact you when they are stable and walk away. You do not suggest it, you do not make it their option. YOU walk away. If someone pushes all kinds of Hollywood rom com style romance, high pace, trips to Paris before they know you from Jane down the street - you run away screaming and block them from all access. At all times seek out people who are healthy, happy, satisfied with their life and are emotionally stable and open to dating today. This approach will save you all kinds of headaches and getting scammed or catfished or whatever you want to call it.

 

It's on you to protect yourself from crazy people and that means you need to develop a ruthless filter system. Without that, you'll always be prone to being a victim.

[Hermes]

"Dating happens in real life, there is no such thing as online. Print that out, put in on your fridge.

"

 

Indeed, DF.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this happened .Some of these catfish and scammers are very slick and have a variety of motives. Obviously for the scammer, it's money. He may be into catfishing for other reasons...emotional, enjoys the charade and feeling smart fooling people. He probably deceives several people at a time.

Over all this time, we never saw each other. He lied about his name, age, job, location and his parents did not even die. Worst of all, he was married. The deception was extensive. He had fake social media pages, fake everything. we never slept together.

[katrina1980]

You know I just think people are lonely. I am sure he had feelings for you (perhaps deep feelings) but had no sense of SELF so felt he had to impersonate others to feel good and worthy of you and your love.

 

I have watched the show Catfish a few times and this seems to be the general theme. They're not looking for money or sex, they are just lonely and want to feel emotionally connected but for various reasons (low self esteem, insecurity, not being happy with their lot in life), they prefer to scour the internet looking to make that connection, make up a fake persona, steal another's identify.... and thus the "scam" begins.

 

Yes it's cruel because you're pulling someone in based on a lie, a false persona.

 

Like I said though, this can happen when you meet someone in real life too.

 

I read a story a while back about a guy who claimed he was a med student at Harvard. Of course med school takes many years, so while attending med school, he met a woman, courted her and married her.

 

He left everyday for "school" and came home afterwards. For years his wife (and everyone else) thought he was studying to become a doctor! Had books and everything.

 

Eventually, the truth came out that it was all a big lie, in fact everything about him had been a lie. Even had his immediate family fooled!

 

By the way, my parents died suddenly too, back in 2014. My dad from a bad fall (head injury) and my mom a month later from cancer.

 

So in addition to finding virtually nothing about me on the internet, not knowing my full name (for the reasons I gave in my previous post), and my parents dying suddenly (although I don't use that as an excuse to pull back or anything else), no doubt some men I meet on a forum or chat room may think I am a fake too.

 

But they don't, because I am not.

 

Having good intuitive and perceptive abilities helps too. Sometimes you just know when you are being scammed even when you have nothing to back it up.

 

Trust your instincts!

[katrina1980]

Yeah, it wasn't really like just saying "my parents died" it was way worse than that.

 

He texted me a photo of the obituary with a spelling mistake in it and copies of letters to complain to the paper for the distress of the family.

 

He would message me through the night when he said he couldn't sleep.

 

He'd go on an on about how he was losing weight and felt lost and it totally had my sympathy.

 

He would call me saying he was having his first panic attack of his life and I'd talk him down.

 

I sent him books of grief and grieving to help him.

 

I paid for a DAMNED TREE to be planted in a forest with a plaque in memorial of his parents and we planned a trip to go and visit the forest.

 

He went on and on about how great a man his Dad was and how he hoped he was proud.

 

Back in July when I tried to call it off because he would not see me, he called me up saying he'd taken the day off work and gone to the cemetry to "talk to them" and he quietly told me he understood if I wanted to walk away because he had been "rubbish" but he said it was unintentional and he genuinely wanted his life to have me in it and that he did not want me to go. It was total manipulation.

 

It was sick, sick, sick. I absolutely believed him.

 

It wasn't like the TV show "Catfish" really in the sense that we'd met, he was not texting and messaging me all these love messages or anything crazy or teenage or over the top - we mostly talked about our kids, our lives and he was supportive and a good person to me. I really do not understand what he got out of it!!!

 

He lied so much about his job too - claiming to be a lot more successful and wealthy than he was, and that part I can understand but it was as extensive as pretending to be places he obviously wasn't and fictitious business trips where he would actually send me selfies and gifts. It was a seriously polished act! I think most people would have believed it, at least for a few months. All my friends believed it and even my therapist did not raise any red flags to me. He did not seem married at all...he would call me and talk to me anytime day or night and we often spoke at bedtime most nights. I do not know how he did it! Maybe she lives apart from him or something.

 

Its just hard for my brain to compute that over that length of time someone would deceive me like this just for kicks or entertainment and that not a shred of that friendship was real.

 

I just read this, and am speechless.

 

I would recommend getting a new therapist because I saw a TON of red flags in there!!

 

Any man (or anyone!) who goes to such lengths in an attempt to pull you in emotionally, before truly knowing you and trusting YOU, including sending you copies of the obituaries, discussing his "panic attacks," eliciting your sympathy when you attempt to end it by crying into his beer about going to cemetery, calling in middle of night claiming he couldn't sleep, blah blah is BULL******* YOU!

 

I would have been running a mile from this guy!

 

So hopefully lesson learned for you!

 

His "game" was just too elaborate and IMO very transparent. The man didn't even know you for chrissakes!

 

Yet he feels comfortable dumping all his emotional **** on you?!

 

RED FLAG. Huge!

 

ETA: You paid money for a tree and plaque? I hope you didn't send HIM the money cuz it's anyone guess what he actually did with it. Since his parents didn't actually die, obviously it wasn't used to buy a tree/plaque to memorialize them.

 

This whole thing sounds really hokey IMO, including your naivete in believing all of it to be true.

 

Sorry.