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Is he using me?


Ivegonemad

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So I've been seeing this guy for about a month now. He's recently divorced (about a year) and I got out of a 5 yr relationship w a child about 4 months ago. He's great, we get along really well and have a lot in common, and things are great physically as well. I spent all of last weekend w him at his place, he cooked for me, we relaxed and watched sports, it was perfect. We don't get to see each other a whole lot bc I share custody of my daughter and I don't want to introduce her to anyone I'm seeing until I know it's serious. He surprised me weds night and asked me to come over after I got home from hanging with my friend. I spent the night and accidental left some of my stuff at his place bc I was running late the next morning. He texting me joking about how I left so much stuff at husband place. We had plans that night too, so I spent the evening w him and the next morning when I left I grabbed the stuff I left. He told me to text him, so I did, and he made a comment about how I got all my stuff. After that he got kinda weird, and the conversation just stopped. Then today I haven't heard from him at all. I'm going back and forth in my mind between thinking he's sleeping with someone else, or is thinking I was saying something by taking my stuff when I left. He's texted me everyday since we met, so I'm freaking out having not heard anything from him. I really want to text him and see what's up but I don't want to be clingy if he is just wanting some space. I'm just worried sick that he's been using me for sex and now has maybe found someone else. The fact that this weekend I can't see him bc I have my daughter and I haven't heard from him is kinda sketching me out. Idk what to do. I really care about him, but idk where I stand. We've talked about it and he says "we're taking it slow". I just don't want to reach out to him if I shouldn't. Maybe he just needs some space or something. But you think he would say that. ūüėě

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Just text him and see how he responds (if at all). No sense sitting around stewing about it. He may have plans with his kid this weekend and just hasn't had a minute to initiate. Do you always wait until he texts first? If you do, maybe he's just seeing how long it takes you to say hello first?

 

A simple text asking how he's doing and offering him an invite to meet with you on (say) Wednesday for dinner should let you know what's going on.

 

If you've not had a talk about being exclusive once you have been intimate then you may want to talk to him about that. If he doesn't want to be exclusive then you can safely assume that he is also dating others or is still looking to find others.

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Omg... YOU just got out of a relationship, yourself.....

 

You have only been involved a month.. and he wants to take it slow. Can always send a 'hello' tomorrow?

 

So... relax... NO expectations. this is all very new for you both.

 

I do suggest YOU make sure you ARE actually mentally & emotionally ready to move on.. again.

 

In time, you WILL see his true intentions with you... so heed caution.

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It's only been a mo. and he's not using you. You are both dating with consensual staying over, enjoying affection mutually,etc. He'll contact you, relax.

 

Give him room to breathe since he's still going through a divorce. Try not to suffocate each other and set a pace. You don't need to run over there whenever he calls or you don't have your daughter. What did his text about your husband's place mean?

He texting me joking about how I left so much stuff at husband place.
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I really care about him, but idk where I stand. We've talked about it and he says "we're taking it slow". I just don't want to reach out to him if I shouldn't. Maybe he just needs some space or something. But you think he would say that.

 

I don't see how you're taking it slow when one month in you're already having sex and staying over and basically doing everything a couple would do. I would say this is why you feel anxious and confused.

 

To me, you need to establish both of your intentions towards each other and at least agree on dating exclusivity before having sex. Have you agreed on that?

 

Also 4 months out of a 5 year relationship doesn't sound like enough time to recover.

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Don't take offense. Instead, see it as a blatant fact moving forward so you start getting what you want:

 

If you're comfortable enough to open up your legs to another human being -male or female- then you BEST be comfortable enough to, at the very least, communicate any concerns you may have. From STDs/Testing questions, to simple questions about "Hey!! Haven't heard from you today, hoping all is well!"

 

That's not clingy at all. No where NEAR clingy... and better yet, if he acts in anyway negative to your question then your answer is a resounding: Yes, he just wanted to get into your pants.

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