I cannot tell if I am in a healthy relationship

[drbubbles]

Im 19 and ive been dating my girlfriend for over a year now and I am not sure I am in a healthy relationship. In the first two months, I did something bad, I texted my Ex for a month and a half without telling my girlfriend and I lied about it. I know that's a pretty bad thing, but she got absolutely hysterical. She told me to delete all girl's numbers, snapchats, i deleted my twitter, and girls on facebook. I understood that so I did that because I did want to be with her, I didnt say anything sexual or anything to my ex while I was talking to her. The time between the time she found out to now, she has hit me 3 times, although it did not hurt very much I knew she was trying to hurt me. I felt really bad during those times and I just let her hit me because I felt horrible. Fast forward to now and I still cannot talk to girls, which I don't mind but she talks to several guys and hangs out with them, I would be okay with that but many of them hit on her all the time. I also hate double standards, I dont know why it is just a pet peeve. Anyways she overreacts over little things. For instance, she searched a girls name on my facebook one day and later that week she saw the name and just started crying and stormed off, until she realized she did it. Lately we have been fighting and she is very sassy and rude, which I mean is probably normal when fighting. But I feel that I cannot share my feelings like she wants me to without her exploding or turning it around or bringing up that past. I have told her this and she said sorry and she'll fix it, but I still feel this way. I just need to know if this is normal? or how to fix it. But im in college despite my bad grammar and I dont know if I can deal with all this emotional stuff. Thanks for the help

[Edmund Exley]

You made a bad mistake. Horrible one. But she doesnt get to treat you like a prisoner for the rest of your life for it. She chose to accept what you did and stay.

 

You can't fix it, and I'm 46 years old but if I was talking to 19 year old me I would tell myself "You messed up, time to move on" and not ever do what you did again.

[Edmund Exley]

And physical abuse is always unacceptable. Doesnt matter if its the girl doing the abusing.

[SooSad33]

No... of course this is not healthy.... she has some issues!

 

I can see her being upset about your involvemnt with an ex.. but come on.. to have you remove everything r: Females in your Life? That's a form of control.

And to then end up being physical on you? Abuse.

 

Then she can go get on with othr guys... yes, we can have friends of the opposite sex.. BUT... it goes both ways.

 

I suggest you remove yourself, totally from her Life now.. before you end up damaged forever by this...

[Lone She Wolf]

Sounds like she's very immature. She has no business telling you what to do or run your life and especially being physically abusive...even if it doesn't "hurt that much". Can you imagine having children with this woman....what kind of life lessons will your kids learn:

 

1. It's ok to be disrespectful to someone you supposedly "love"

2. It's ok to hit another human being just because you're pissed off

3. It's ok to control and manipulate another human being because he did something a long time ago that he has since stopped doing

4. It's ok to throw an emotional tantrum whenever something happens that you don't want to happen

 

Basically that's what you're dealing with. Now, if you're mature...you'll put an end to it. But if you're right there with her....good luck because this will just spiral out of control.

 

Sure, you'll have those nice moments and you think, "well, when we are getting along it's so blissful, all we have to do is fix it so that we get rid of the bad moments and keep the good moments." Uhhhh WRONG! The good moments need the bad moments to be there....you'll never keep the good moments the way they are without the bad. The only way things will change is if you both decide that something is seriously wrong and then consistently put in the effort to change old habit patterns. Otherwise, if you're the only one who starts to act in a mature way and not allow her to treat you badly, she'll eventually spiral out of control as she realizes more and more that she can't control you and the relationship will end.

[Wiseman2]

She's not healthy. She's an immature drama queen...nothing more than a psycho in training wheels. Who hit you!...Run!

she got absolutely hysterical. The time between the time she found out to now, she has hit me 3 times, although it did not hurt very much I knew she was trying to hurt me.

[Edmund Exley]

before you end up damaged forever by this...

 

I forgot this part. Yes, this could damage you for life. You are allowing yourself to be treated poorly in order to be in a relationship.

[Snny]

The time between the time she found out to now, she has hit me 3 times, although it did not hurt very much I knew she was trying to hurt me. I felt really bad during those times and I just let her hit me because I felt horrible. Fast forward to now and I still cannot talk to girls

You need to break up with her now and seek therapy.

 

I dated a guy who did the same thing to me because he was super insecure with me meeting new people in college on top of suffering from PTSD (refused counseling). He ended up hitting me in the head so hard that I ended up in the hospital for a concussion. I was so traumatized that I had to receive counseling- and it took me awhile to become less fearful of military men (my ex was a Marine).

 

No matter what excuse she has, she is never in the right to hit you. Tou don't respect her anyone- you are afraid of her. Do you really want to be in a relationship out of fear for the rest of your life? You should never, ever endure someone's who physically assaults you, and vice versa. It doesn't matter what gender, race, or culture- you don't ever hit your loved ones. You do deserve loss of trust, but nobody should EVER lay a finger on you.

 

You need to end this relationship. She will cry and apologize and beg, but ignore that noise. Her behavior is a massive dealbreaker after she assaulted you 3 times and think it's ok. It is an absolute deal breaker to anyone who is assaulted by a person they love. Do not tolerate or forgive this behavior. The abuse ends now by you walking away from this girl.

[Capricorn3]

Neither of you are ready for a relationship (imo). You're both toxic for each other and at best, this is a dysfunctional "relationship". Do BOTH of you a big favor and break up.

[drbubbles]

Hey guys thanks for all the advice, I will take it into consideration. I have some thinking to do!

[Hollyj]

This relationship is emotionally and physically abusive. End it!!!