ryanmartin22 Posted November 4, 2016 Share Posted November 4, 2016 So my so of 11 years and 3 kids together cheated on me then broke it off with me. After almost a year apart but still in contact (not exactly the best communications either) turns out karma got to her when she was cheated on and dumped. I should also point out she developed a heroin and crack drug problem during this time and has been totally clean after their relationship ended ,if this helps any. She came to me to get back together and yeah, I love her and the idea of having my family back together is wonderful so after being hesitant, I decided to go for it and we've moved and "started over". But my problem is this. During our time apart she used serious put downs on me and seemed to love throwing her happiness with "him" in my face and it bothered me. Still does. I have been having nightmares since she did this from the start and now after 2 months of being together, I still do. All involve her cheating and leaving again. Im not insecure about myself at all but I am about her. I feel like I can't connect with her like before and about 50% of the time I think I just did this out of love and didn't realize just how much I stopped liking her. Should I give this a chance? Is this normal like a phase? I would love to hear from those who've been in similar situations. Thanks. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted November 4, 2016 Share Posted November 4, 2016 Why did she and the relationship suddenly get so volatile? Cheating? Crack? Heroin? Really? All in this in one year and now shes Ms clean and sober and faithful? Either her horribleness after 11 yrs and 3 kids of being an angel is grossly exaggerated or you made a huge mistake. either take her back and try to be a family or move on. Blaming her for "flashbacks and nightmares" sounds crazy. Did both of you have drug problems before or still now?So my so of 11 years and 3 kids together broke it off with me. she developed a heroin and crack drug problem during this time. I feel like I can't connect with her like before and about 50% of the time I think I just did this out of love and didn't realize just how much I stopped liking her. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted November 4, 2016 Share Posted November 4, 2016 You are not doing your kids any favors by taking back a cheating heroin addict. Really poor decision making. You say you love her, but it doesn't sound like you love yourself much. Link to comment
ryanmartin22 Posted November 4, 2016 Author Share Posted November 4, 2016 Why did she and the relationship suddenly get so volatile? Cheating? Crack? Heroin? Really? All in this in one year and now shes Ms clean and sober and faithful? Either her horribleness after 11 yrs and 3 kids of being an angel is grossly exaggerated or you made a huge mistake. either take her back and try to be a family or move on. Blaming her for "flashbacks and nightmares" sounds crazy. Did both of you have drug problems before or still now? She's says her friend got her hooked on the drugs. And she wasn't bad at all during our relationship only up until about 2 months before the break up. Gone too much, lying about going to work, and long bathroom times. I knew something was wrong but until she told me a year later I wasn't sure exactly. I have always been drug free. As for her I always thought she was but it makes sense giving the way she started acting towards the end. Also I'm not blaming her for the dreams. After all those are MY dreams. Fear of this happening all over again I guess. I mean, when this happened it hit me like a train. We've has our arguments but never full on fights an I assumed shed let me know eventually that something was up. I just did not see THAT coming. There is damage here and not sure how to proceed Link to comment
Hollyj Posted November 4, 2016 Share Posted November 4, 2016 People do not get you hooked. You make an active choice to take drugs. She is not a child. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted November 4, 2016 Share Posted November 4, 2016 What worries me for you is the circumstances she came back ....because she was dumped , if she had ended it with him because she realised she couldn't be without you then fair enough ...but she came back because she had no one else . I imagine you already think this anyway which is why you are unable to fully let go and fully trust that she wont do it again . Sometimes too much can be said , too much hurt can be caused and there is simply no going back . This may be the case with you , the verbal abuse and put downs eventually do take their toll on the best of us and it just can't be unsaid or forgotten . We can't tell you what choice to make , but what I will say is listen to your gut. Link to comment
doyathink Posted November 4, 2016 Share Posted November 4, 2016 I just went through all of that myself. My ex and I broke up over a year ago, and while we were broke up, he started dating a woman who used meth, and he decided to get into it too. He broke it off with her, and asked me to get back with him. Long story short, I finally did...and for a year he was smoking it while living me with...and I was too stupid to even know he was. I ended it. I block him so he cant contact me, so then he ends up here at my house. Anyway, not wanting to get into all the details, but I feel he just comes back around when it doesn't work out with a current fling. I don't trust him one bit! I worry that he'll cheat on me, or start using it behind my back again. The lying was so bad I don't believe a word he says, and on top of all that...do they have a STD? I wasn't intimate at all with him when he came back, I couldn't forget all the things he did. Sometimes they cause too much damage, and altho you love them with all your heart...you cant forget! Sometimes love isn't enough Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted November 4, 2016 Share Posted November 4, 2016 Generally and sadly, addicts are mostly looking for someone to suck every penny they can get out of to support their habit. Seen it way, way to many times and every time the non-addict felt they were helping the addict. Many of the addicts ended up dead, while the non-addict ended up destroyed. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted November 5, 2016 Share Posted November 5, 2016 How does a mother of three in a relationship for 11 yrs find crack/heroin addicts and suddenly start hanging out with them?2 months before the break up. Gone too much, lying about going to work, and long bathroom times. I knew something was wrong but until she told me a year later I wasn't sure exactly Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted November 5, 2016 Share Posted November 5, 2016 How does a mother of three in a relationship for 11 yrs find crack/heroin addicts and suddenly start hanging out with them? It happens. My wife's friend's husband was a successful business owner. Father, husband, good guy. He hires a guy to work for him and one night out drinking he decides to try what the guy was taking, heads down the road to heroin. Twice left for dead by these so called friends and finally found dead in his truck on a city street. All this occured in less than 2 years. Destroyed everyone in his wake. Link to comment
ryanmartin22 Posted November 5, 2016 Author Share Posted November 5, 2016 Her friend of many years was on the stuff. We both knew it but I don't have a reason why she decided to start and I still don't. She doesn't like to talk about it and I don't pressure her into talking about it. I'd like to keep from picking old wounds. That's why I posted here to begin with. Before I tell her how I feel, I'd like to figure myself out and asking for advice to guide me in the right direction Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted November 5, 2016 Share Posted November 5, 2016 What are the chances she'll return to this or cheating? Does she live with you and the kids? Will she agree to couples therapy and therapy for this issue?She doesn't like to talk about it and I don't pressure her into talking about it. I'd like to keep from picking old wounds. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted November 5, 2016 Share Posted November 5, 2016 Keeping your head in the sand does not accomplish anything! Good grief! It's time to put you and your children first, and deal with this head on. The woman needs counseling at the very least!!! And so do you. Link to comment
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