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We've been together for a little over 3 years now, engaged and great chemistry between us. As in, we both can't imagine someone better for each other and always talk about the future together.

 

Any conflicts we have won't last more than the day they happened and they have been seeming further between the longer we've been together.

 

I love her with all my heart, can't imagine a world without her and up until a few of weeks ago she would say the same.

 

I am a senstive introvert.

 

She is an introverted extrovert who has always craved more interaction with others (friends, like-minded people etc) but has had a difficult time feeling accepted (even among family) and tough time coping with life's hurdles. It is a bit of a roller coaster sometimes, she could be motivated and upbeat one minute followed by feeling unmotivated and lost the next.

 

She visited her mum's for about 2 weeks and on her return she is feeling down more than ever and driven to find her purpose, to take a journey to find herself so to speak. I couldn't have been happier, I told her I would support her in whatever decisions she made and I'd not inhibit her being who she wanted to be. She replied saying she wanted to make these discoveries alone.

 

Sad discussions followed, where I've only been able to pick up little bits and make assumptions. I would ask her questions and she would reply almost always that she doesn't know the answer. For example, "You still see us together in the future right?".... "I don't know".

 

Now I'm gutted and paralyzed by this free-fall of dread and chaos that has hit us full force about 4 hours ago. She is on her way to talk to a psychologist (primarily regarding her finding direction and not relationship related so much) and she asked that I leave her to it by herself.

 

So now I'm sitting here where time couldn't be moving slower.

 

We've been through something similar previously, during the first year or so of our relationship. She was completely lost having feelings for someone from her past and didn't know if she wanted to pursue them or stay with me as we were at a point where we were making the bigger commitments to one another. I waited patiently trying to support, we saw couples counseling together (only 2-3 sessions) and abruptly the fog cleared for her, so to speak, and we bounced back closer than ever maybe 2 weeks after the free-fall began. During this time she had no answers and didn't know what direction to take. I told her this time feels very similar but she feels it is more different than similar although I'm not so sure, considering she seems so uncertain about most things.

 

I have no-one to talk to about this, so here I am... throwing my thoughts here while letting youtube autoplay through loud upsetting music... just to kill the time waiting for her to come home.

 

I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose her. I feel helpless.

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Sorry to hear this. Do you live together? How old is she? Is she working or going to college?

 

You mention she's had these existential dilemmas before and they also involved not being sure about a relationship with you or in general. People don't talk to psychologists for no reason, is she being evaluated for depression?

 

Unfortunately all you can do is honor her wishes and leave her alone.

We've been together for a little over 3 years. she would reply almost always that she doesn't know the answer. For example, "You still see us together in the future right?".... "I don't know".

 

She is on her way to talk to a psychologist (primarily regarding her finding direction and not relationship related so much) and she asked that I leave her to it by herself. We've been through something similar previously, during the first year or so of our relationship.

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We've lived together a month after we met without regret for just over 3 years.

 

She is 23, unemployed and not studying for about a year. She is very senstive about finding work thinking she is not good enough. Previously she had been studying (about 2 years or less ago).

 

I agree the only action is to give her space, unfortunately I pressured her with my questions or even just talking about how I feel or wanting to go to couples therapy and she had closed up completely that night.

 

All I can do is almost pretend everything is normal, bury how it is affecting me because she cannot handle it while I wait it out in respect of everything we've been through.

 

That night we still slept in the same bed, cuddling. The next morning she opened up minorly and we also had the usual couple flirty sappy dialogue almost like normal. I told her I'd give her space and left for work with a smile on each of our faces.

 

Unfortunately I believe I can not engage her much at all on the subject even when she brings it up as anything I say applies to much pressure, so I just tell her I understand and that I'll be patient.

 

She is going to a psychologist as I suggested it and it was an idea we both thought would bd good as she has no-one else to open up to face to face about it. she coukd have depression but she denies it.

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