Should I tell

[Shortcake29]

Should I tell my soon to be ex husbands new girlfriend that he is sexually attracted to young girls? We went to marriage counciling and she recommended that he seek sexually therapy because he is attracted to girls around age 12. He agreed to go but never went. His new girlfriend has 4 daughters of her own and he and I have 2 together. Should I say out of it or let her know to be on the lookout?

[moodindigo91]

Unless you actually think he is a danger to her daughters, I'd stay out of it. It could be misconstrued as jealousy or something along those lines. If you think he is really a danger to her children or yours, then you should be alerting authorities.

[Wiseman2]

Did he cheat? It sounds like you are angry, jealous and trying to undermine his new relationship. They will see through what you are doing. He will tell her you are a crazy psycho and she will believe him.

 

Be careful. Making a false innuendo that he is a pedophile could result in him suing you for slander.

 

Find better ways to deal with your upcoming divorce. Did he ever molest your children?

Should I tell my soon to be ex husbands new girlfriend that he is sexually attracted to young girls?

[abitbroken]

You will look vindictive if you say anything right now. If you get to be friendly with her after the divorce and she asks you about why you left, then tell her the honest truth about it. But this is not the right moment to do so because you will not be believed. What is the visitation arrangement with your daughters? it doesn't mean that he would ever hurt his own daughters, but if visitation is supervised or very limited, it could give you a talking point with her.

[ThatwasThen]

We went to marriage counciling and she recommended that he seek sexually therapy because he is attracted to girls around age 12.

I'd warn her. If a sexual therapist diagnosed him as being attracted to 12 year old girls then not to tell her, imo, would be criminal. She can make up her own mind after she knows the deal. No one should have to go into a relationship without informed knowledge of such proclivities.

 

How do you know he's not in therapy for it right now?

[melancholy123]

If I was the other woman and had 4 girls I'd want to know the man in my life was sexually attracted to young girls. I see the points being made about the ex wife being jealous or vindictive or whatever, but the safety of those girls is paramount.

[Hermes]

I need to ask.

 

Why is he taking up with an ADULT GF if his taste runs to 12 year olds?

 

Scondly, why would an adult woman want to be with him?

[ThatwasThen]

I need to ask.

 

Why is he taking up with an ADULT GF if his taste runs to 12 year olds?

Because 12 year olds are against the law in the Western world. Not too sure how it goes in the middle east though.

 

Scondly, why would an adult woman want to be with him?

Good question which is why I think the Op should tell the other woman. If she still wants to be with him then god help the young girls if he actually acts on his attraction.

[bunzana]

I would tell her. If I were in her shoes I would want to know. If something were to happen and you did nothing to warn her I'm sure you would feel guilty. I would. However, be prepared that she may think you are trying to sabotage the relationship. Tell her, do your part, and then let her do what she will with the information.

[abitbroken]

I'd warn her. If a sexual therapist diagnosed him as being attracted to 12 year old girls then not to tell her, imo, would be criminal. She can make up her own mind after she knows the deal. No one should have to go into a relationship without informed knowledge of such proclivities.

 

How do you know he's not in therapy for it right now?

 

How does she tell her in a way that doesn't seem vindictive? Does she make an effort in a few weeks to befriend her "since her daughters are playing together...maybe we should get to know eachother?" B) Does she assume this is a rebound and will quickly fizzle. Who dates a man who is not yet divorced that has kids? C) does she go to the soon to be ex husband and say "look, I don't have any say and no longer care if you are dating. But I am concerned that your girlfriend has young girls and you were in therapy for your attraction to young girls. We can do this one of two ways. Either you tell her or I do. But if she doesn't know and I know, and something happens to one of those girls, it will be on my conscious for knowing. I can only protect my own children."

[Hermes]

TWT.

 

I am well aware of that.

 

"Because 12 year olds are against the law in the Western world."

 

(Except in Holland I believe).

 

But anyway. Once more. I ask what draws him to an adult woman if his taste runs to 12 year olds. If adult women are not his thing, does he get married to or invovled with adult women because it is a sort of screen, not because women attract him.

I am not asking if it is against the law.

[bunzana]

TWT.

 

I am well aware of that.

 

"Because 12 year olds are against the law in the Western world."

 

(Except in Holland I believe).

 

But anyway. Once more. I ask what draws him to an adult woman if his taste runs to 12 year olds. If adult women are not his thing, does he get married to or invovled with adult women because it is a sort of screen, not because women attract him.

I am not asking if it is against the law.

 

Just because I may be attracted to dark haired men most, does not mean I won't date a man with blonde hair.... just an analogy

[Hermes]

Not a valid analogy. Not something superficial like hair colour.

 

We are talking age here. Ages of consent, and where an adult male is attracted to 12 year old girls!!!

[Hermes]

Just to add I see Belgium is thinking of lowering the age of consent to 13. Certain other European countries thinking of raising the age threshold.

 

However, beside the point.

 

If this man is attracted to 12 year old girls then perhaps he needs to talk to a professional about it.

[boltnrun]

Well, the soon to be new wife has daughters.

 

Some men who are attracted to children have married women in order to have access to the woman's children.

[bunzana]

Not a valid analogy. Not something superficial like hair colour.

 

We are talking age here. Ages of consent, and where an adult male is attracted to 12 year old girls!!!

 

Of course it is... just because he may prefer 12 year old girls does not mean he cannot be attracted to older women. I don't see why the two need to be mutually exclusive.

 

And this is not the point of the thread regardless. If she feels he may pose a danger to these four young girls she should speak up. That is all.

[Hermes]

Quite so, Bolt.

 

And that is the point that needs to be addressed. It isn't the adult female he is after (possibly).

 

So, what is to be done?

 

Outrage and rending our garments is not the solution, if you see what I mean.

 

So, yes, I would go for tell the new GF.

[Hermes]

Take it from me, Bunzana. They are very exclusive. I don't wish to argue further.

 

I agree, that she should speak up.

 

All this is a bit like the old story of "who is going to bell the cat".

 

Much talk, nothing doing.

[Hollyj]

The guy is a pedophile. You should tell her!!!!!!!

[Hollyj]

Not a valid analogy. Not something superficial like hair colour.

 

We are talking age here. Ages of consent, and where an adult male is attracted to 12 year old girls!!!

 

I think that quite a few men do this as a cover.

[Cheetarah]

Yes. It doesn't matter how it makes you look.

 

Whether he one day acts upon his desires or does not, point blank this woman has daughters and, in a worst case scenario, that may be the very reason he selected her.

[Hermes]

"I think that quite a few men do this as a cover."

 

Precisely my point, Holly. Yes.

 

It is surprising what a lot of adult women will overlook in the quest to "get a man". "Eyes wide shut" and all that.

[j.man]

"Around 12" is a bit vague. What's your margin of error with that number? There's a fine line between being a good person and warning someone with little girls about a pedophile / hebephile (which I'd support you doing), and someone on a vindictive streak noting a time he was attracted a more mature looking 15 or 16 year old girl and rounding it down to 12.

 

Don't get me wrong, as I get older, I can't even look at 21 year olds without thinking about my little sisters and cousins, so I can't personally relate, but there's a lot of jailbait out there.

 

I'd have to have sat in on your counseling sessions to know what was shared and what led to what to give any concrete yes or no. How did the whole "around 12 year old" thing even come up? Did you come across child pornography? You stayed with him despite the apparent attraction. Were you never planning on having daughters yourself?

[pippy longstocking]

Without reading anything else and feeling swayed ...my first instinct was to scream YES ....

[pippy longstocking]

"I think that quite a few men do this as a cover."

 

Precisely my point, Holly. Yes.

 

It is surprising what a lot of adult women will overlook in the quest to "get a man". "Eyes wide shut" and all that.

 

AHH so everyone thought the same