What could have been done differently

[tikkitak10]

Need other's views on who/what caused this ugly fight and what should be done next. I am going to refer husband (34 yrs) as H and wife (30yrs) as W in the below post.

This is the sequence of events which both wife and husband agreed upon next morning on watsapp because wife wants to go and talk to marriage counsellor regarding these frequently occuring (atleast once in 2 days) arguments

 

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Yesterday evening while walking from office to parking, W asked H to walk together when he was walking in front; though she kept saying her feet is paining, he didnt stop. He asked her to walk faster to be together.

Then in car she replied 'i want to sleep' when he asked nicely how was her day.

Then at home H gave her phone charger, she noticed its not working and started saying he changed the cable. He said nicely 3,4 times 'i didnt touch it', she continued to say he replaced the charger cable because he is the only one in house who removes the cable. He also said that he doesnt even use this charger, infact he uses the one in car (next morning he used the same charger).

He started to exercise in living room, and she asked to close the balcony door because it was cold for her n mom (outside temp averages 7- 10 degree celsius) . He asked her rudely to wear jacket. She got angry, wore the jacket but didnt say anything. Then he went out in balcony for few minutes.when he went out for 2nd time, she asked to close the door at least when he is out in balcony. Then he shouted angrily, slammed the door and went out to jog in rain in peace.

When he came back, she asked nicely what he is eating for dinner and asked 'whether ur anger is now gone'. He replied 'u r creating argument' and blamed her for rent claim (this is claiming a part of monthly rent from employer and W is responsible for this task). She continued asking him calmly on where is topic of rent claim coming from because he told her less than a month ago not to control her habits and he will also not interfere in her tasks. He refused to listen and continued shouting 'rent claim .. rent claim'. Her calm sentences were replied with angry shouts about rent claim. His mother also tried to calm him by saying 'trust her on rent claim topic' but he shouted on her as well. He also was saying 'now she will cry and sleep without food' but continued shouting about rent claim. After controlling for so long, her anger burst and she snatched plate with dinner from mom and smashed it on floor. She didnt raise her voice even after that.

He stopped shouting after she snatched and smashed dinner plate and put headphones and started doing his work on laptop while she kept crying and gave mom history of earlier arguments.

Later in the night, she was going on and on in bed for like an hour explaining how he brings in irrelevant and unconnected points from past in small daily conversation and makes a big argument and that she is done asking him to talk nicely and not bring in argumentative things from past.

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[Wiseman2]

Do they live with his mother? Sounds like a lot of nasty arguments over nothing. Marriage counseling is probably a good idea.

His mother also tried to calm him by saying 'trust her on rent claim topic' but he shouted on her as well. After controlling for so long, her anger burst and she snatched plate with dinner from mom and smashed it on floor.

He stopped shouting after she snatched and smashed dinner plate and put headphones and started doing his work on laptop while she kept crying and gave mom history of earlier arguments.

[surfdiva]

What is a "rent claim"?

[tikkitak10]

We stay in a rented apartment and our employer reimburses the monthly rent. So we need to submit the documents for it.

It's her responsibility to submit and get the claims back.

He feels she delays it by not doing every month and submitting claims every few months and keeps nagging her about it.

Though around a month back, he told that he doesn't want her to say anything about the tasks which are his responsibility and he would do the same to her.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like you nag and pick at each other. Why? Also is there a reason this is written in the third person?

He feels she delays it by not doing every month and submitting claims every few months and keeps nagging her about it. Though around a month back, he told that he doesn't want her to say anything about the tasks which are his responsibility and he would do the same to her.

[tikkitak10]

It's written in third person to make sure that it doesn't create an impression if it's wife or husband to avoid influences on the responses.

Like I mentioned it was written with both together.

[kamurj]

Multiple accounts are not allowed. Thread closed.