What would you do if you experience Benjamin Button moments?

[Maybach]

Hey guys, I will do my best to make this short because this experience is very new, frustrating and confusing.

 

Lately, I've slowly started to go to the gym, pot lucks and church. People are usually friendly but then the conversation would stop and they would ask me

THE problem question "how old are you".

I will tell them the truth, that "I'm in my 40's" and the response has all been

negative with shocked responses and people thinking I am playing games with them.

 

 

Because it has been so prevalent over the past few weeks, I even wrote it down because I was starting to not get amused.

 

1) Last week, the gym instructor asked me the "how old are you" question, and when I answered, he said "No, you're not, you're in your twenties like my niece", then he kept saying "C'mon, tell me how old you are". When I kept repeating the answer, he looked pissed and said he will look it up on facebook. I wasn't lying to him.

 

2) Woman at my church asked me the same question and I answered and she said, "No, you're not. You don't look like you're more than 27". This was an unsolicited response.

 

3) Guy in my gym class asked me the question today and I answered and he said "Bull! you're in your twenties". I kept telling him the same answer then he looks pissed like I am just mocking him or playing games. I was not.

 

4) A twenty-something potential date at a party was interested in me, and asked me the "how old are you" question and I answered and my potential date made a FUSS and said "What?? I thought you were around my age"

....and then a woman overhead the fuss made, walked up and said to me "No, you're not. You aren't over 30". I didn't know what else to say but to say I'm in my 40's. It made for a very uncomfortable evening as some people thought I was playing with them.

 

 

I want to handle this situation graciously and with appropriate tact so I would appreciate your advice & wisdom shared

I don't think my age is anything special. I get very uncomfortable about people making a fuss about my age, like I am some weird spectacle.

 

1) How do I handle this? I never thought not looking your "supposed age" is such a problem.

 

2) Why do people think they have a right to be angry and accuse me of giving them bull***/ playing games/ lying to them? Frustrating.

 

PS: I hope people will understand that I am in no way, shape or form trying to "humble-brag" as this is an anonymous forum.

While it was amusing, it got old when younger people turn away from me when they find out they mistook my age.

At the same time, older people quite often think I am feeding them a line of bull about my age.

[abitbroken]

1) If the gym instructor is someone you have known for awhile, why didn't you just pop your license out? Or say "yeah, you know what it was tough when I was in my 20s. I grew a beard so I wouldn't look 15".

2) For Woman #2, say "Thank you," and say "Maybe i look young because I try to stay healthy". Take it as a compliment.

3) if its a guy you have seen before - you could lighten up and say "quiz me. Ask me what song was #1 the year i was born"

4) She might have been upset that it was a "i have a girlfriend" line. But honestly, are you hanging out with people in their 20s only? If you met her at a Rotary Club meeting, she would not be ticked off, but if you are going clubbing or at a party where there's you and then only under 30s you need to get some new friends. You can avoid it completely by not hanging with 20 year olds.

 

The more upset and sensitive YOU are with it, the more attention you will attract.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like they are being flattering and polite, just smile and say thank you.

[journeynow]

Why does this have to be seen as a problem? I've gotten this all my life as well, and the only time it really bugged me was in highschool and then again in my 20's when I was pregnant and someone thought I was in my mid-teens. But, really, just shrug it off. And don't play into the "name your age" game it you don't want. Just smile and shrug your shoulders and feel free to say "I've lost count."

[Maybach]

It sounds like they are being flattering and polite, just smile and say thank you.

 

Thank you Wiseman. I was wondering how to handle the situation when people think you're saying bul**** and keep asking "C'mon man, what's your real age"....when I have already told them my age a few times.

 

It's a frustrating experience because they feel like I am not serious and playing with them.

[journeynow]

It's a frustrating experience because they feel like I am not serious and playing with them.

 

Then just smile and say "It's either that or I'm just wise beyond my years. "

 

It was probably more annoying for my sister when she was mistaken for my mother, or my son, who was mistaken as my partner.

[Wiseman2]

No one lies about being older, tell them that and laugh. Make a joke out of it. Tell them you had a fortune of plastic surgery or you have a portrait of yourself aging in the closet.

"C'mon man, what's your real age"

[surfdiva]

I get this a lot myself. People don't believe how old I really am. One person was so unconvinced how old I really was I showed them my drivers license. Now when people say it, I just say "well, I must be well preserved from all the saltwater", LOL!

[Maybach]

No one lies about being older, tell them that and laugh. Make a joke out of it. Tell them you had a fortune of plastic surgery or you have a portrait of yourself aging in the closet.

 

"No one lies about being older..."

 

Fantastic Wiseman!!! Really dig it. I'm gonna use it & see what the response is.

[Maybach]

I get this a lot myself. People don't believe how old I really am. One person was so unconvinced how old I really was I showed them my drivers license. Now when people say it, I just say "well, I must be well preserved from all the saltwater", LOL!

 

Wow, you must know how it feels like!

As a guy, I just don't like the reaction of shock and the accompanying fuss. Plus being accused of playing around with people. Drama I don't need.

[Hermes]

Why do people need or want to know your age in the first instance?

 

It isn't like you are at an interview or the police station-.

 

No idea why people would constantly keep asking that question.

 

Short on conversational skills maybe......

[Maybach]

Why does this have to be seen as a problem? I've gotten this all my life as well, and the only time it really bugged me was in highschool and then again in my 20's when I was pregnant and someone thought I was in my mid-teens. But, really, just shrug it off. And don't play into the "name your age" game it you don't want. Just smile and shrug your shoulders and feel free to say "I've lost count."

 

Thank you Journeynow for the gracious reply.

 

Is there ANY way to avoid that "how old are you question?" Also, do you know why people keep asking that??? it seems so rude, I never ask a woman that.

[Wiseman2]

Even then...it could happen

It isn't like you are at an interview or the polcie station-.

]

[Maybach]

Why do people need or want to know your age in the first instance?

 

It isn't like you are at an interview or the polcie station-.

 

Hermes, you're spot on! Thank you so much

 

Question from your life experience.....May I ask why women (and now quite a few guys at the gym) would always ask "how old are you"? I have never asked that of women (and men). I just think it is personal and impolite (in my personal opinion) so I have ignored thinking much about it until lately.

[Matto85]

"When i was a kid I thought I'd grow up and people would look at me and say 'hey look at that man' instead they're saying 'that tall child looks terrible! Get some rest tall child you can't be burning the candle at both ends'" - John Mulaney

 

I have the same problem man I feel ya

[Maybach]

Even then...it could happen

]

 

Wiseman, as a man, do you think it is rude to not answer the "how old are you" question?

I personally find that it is getting old and am trying to find a tactful way to not answer (since I never ask it anyway...makes no difference to me)

[Wiseman2]

"Old enough". Done.

I personally find that it is getting old and am trying to find a tactful way to not answer

[Maybach]

I get this a lot myself. People don't believe how old I really am. One person was so unconvinced how old I really was I showed them my drivers license. Now when people say it, I just say "well, I must be well preserved from all the saltwater", LOL!

 

Surfdiva, I had time to re-read your post. I can't believe you had to show your driver's license. People can be so rude.

 

I never ask a woman, younger or older, her age. It doesn't matter very much to me. Them carrying themselves with dignity and maturity impresses me a whole lot more than this dumb age thing.

[Hermes]

It is a dumb age thing, Maybach. You are right about that! I don't understand this fixation either.

 

I don't ask people their age. It's rude. What's in it for them anyhow.

 

They must have very uninteresting lives and be short on stimulating conversation.

[Fudgie]

While I'm not particularly sensitive about my age (I offer it up, don't care) I know that other people are so I don't ask the question. I find asking someone "how old are you" outside of certain situations to be a little intrusive and insensitive. Also, it's not needed. If you are wondering about someone's age but don't want to ask directly, you can always figure out more information in other ways. "Oh..where did you go to college? What did you study? Wow, that's cool. When did you graduate? Do you find that the field has changed since then?" blah blah.

[katrina1980]

 

While I'm not particularly sensitive about my age (I offer it up, don't care) I know that other people are so I don't ask the question.

 

I find asking someone "how old are you" outside of certain situations to be a little intrusive and insensitive. Also, it's not needed. If you are wondering about someone's age but don't want to ask directly, you can always figure out more information in other ways. "Oh..where did you go to college? What did you study? Wow, that's cool. When did you graduate? Do you find that the field has changed since then?" blah blah.

 

Beat me to it Fudgie! All of it, but especially bolded.

 

Asking someone's age out of the blue like that sounds very strange to me.

 

I mean OP do you have older children you were discussing? That may prompt someone to ask.

 

But just out of the blue like that? Very odd.

 

It's no one's business how old you are, and frankly if you look to be in your 20s, why wouldn't they just presume you are in your 20s?

 

Why question that?

 

Makes no sense whatsoever.

[Maybach]

Beat me to it Fudgie! All of it, but especially bolded.

 

Asking someone's age out of the blue like that sounds very strange to me.

 

I mean OP do you have older children you were discussing? That may prompt someone to ask.

 

But just out of the blue like that? Very odd.

 

It's no one's business how old you are, and frankly if you look to be in your 20s, why wouldn't they just presume you are in your 20s?

 

Why question that?

 

Makes no sense whatsoever.

 

"It's no one's business how old you are, and frankly if you look to be in your 20s, why wouldn't they just presume you are in your 20s"

 

1) Per your question, they do presume I am in my 20's.

When I tell them the truth that I'm in my 40's, they give me their unsolicited opinion that I am in my late 20's and ask me again, "you're not fortysomething!

c'mon hold old are you really?".

 

 

Full disclosure: I have had genetics on my side and a babyface my whole life (I think of no obvious benefits to a guy). I didn't realize how much of a difference this made in people's perception until I got to my 40's as the real age vs people's perceived age disparity became bigger.

 

2) As for your other question, I will mention that I have been working for almost 20 years...or graduated approx. 20 years ago...and almost guaranteed, that question comes up.

The other half of the time, it just comes up in the middle of conversation (out of nowhere).

 

My age doesn't bug me. As someone in my 40's, I appreciate each year I get of life! I get more mature and more satisfied with each year.

What bugs me is people give me grief like I am feeding them a line of BS....

[katrina1980]

 

I will mention that I have been working for almost 20 years...or graduated approx. 20 years ago...and almost guaranteed, that question comes up.

The other half of the time, it just comes up in the middle of conversation (out of nowhere).

 

What bugs me is people give me grief like I am feeding them a line of BS....

 

Okay that makes more sense.

 

Re giving you grief, perhaps they're just teasing you? Like "oh come on, you can't be, prove it! LOL"

 

I would take that as teasing more than giving me grief.

 

But I'm not there and you are, so maybe they're jealous or something.

 

Hard to say but in any event, I wouldn't let it get to you.

 

Just be thankful you look so youthful! And hope it lasts as long as possible!

 

Look at Christie Brinkley? She is in her 60's and I swear she looks 35!

[reinventmyself]

I get the same thing and as much as it is a compliment, people seemed determined to dispute it with you. I tell them my age, they dispute it, I counter back and at what point does it end? I just change the subject. Some people are very determined though. Not sure what they are trying to get out of it. When they seem perplexed in the moment, they really aren't being complimentary.

 

Saturday night, in my Halloween costume, I run into a liquor store to buy a bottle wine to bring to a party.

The man behind the counter compliments me and asks me my age.

He disputes it and as the next two costumers come in he plays the `guess how old she is?' game.

The costumers were embarrassed. I smiled and left.

 

Yes. . it's a compliment. But it's a compliment that turns awkward on occasion.

Quality problem.

[journeynow]

Also, do you know why people keep asking that??? it seems so rude,

 

Some people are rude and don't realize it. You could deflect it, and in that way you are not rewarding the behavior

 

"I've lost count"

 

"Ah, good question…."

 

"I'm wise beyond my years."

 

"Old enough."

 

"Why do you ask?" Yeah, do that, answer their question with a question.

 

If you do tell them the actual number, then history tells you it opens the door for more (unwanted?) discussion. And if anyone says "No you're not, you're xx" just say something like "Oh? Really?"

 

I understand, some people have young features, and what can you do? Just carry on and do your good work.

 

Eventually, though, I think gray hair and wrinkles will catch up with us all.