Confronting a family member who always lies

[jennylove]

This person lies about damn near everything, and God forbid if you confront her, then you have some "issues" and she spins it all on you. Family walks on eggshells with this person, because if you confront her, all hell breaks loose. But I'm so sick of the lies. What should I do? I'm thinking about confronting her, and when she gets mad, oh well.

[Hermes]

Don't bother, Jenny.

 

Apply the lash of indifference.

 

It's a pathological situation.

[jennylove]

Thanx Hermes. I've reached the point of indifference. We rarely speak. This is why I'm upset, she has no idea what is happening in my life, but she speculates and puts her spin on everything when it's not even close to bring true. The latest? One of my coworkers knows her and saw her out recently. Coworker told her that she works with me. The lying family member went on to say, "oh I hope she loves working for XYZ company, I know she left her last job because her coworkers partied too much" - I mean, where does she get this shiot from? I've never talked to her about my coworkers. It's ridiculous.

[Wiseman2]

That's gossip, so address that. Tell her don't talk about me behind my back, it gets back to me.

Coworker told her that she works with me. The lying family member went on to say, "oh I hope she loves working for XYZ company, I know she left her last job because her coworkers partied too much"

[ThatwasThen]

Thanx Hermes. I've reached the point of indifference. We rarely speak. This is why I'm upset, she has no idea what is happening in my life, but she speculates and puts her spin on everything when it's not even close to bring true. The latest? One of my coworkers knows her and saw her out recently. Coworker told her that she works with me. The lying family member went on to say, "oh I hope she loves working for XYZ company, I know she left her last job because her coworkers partied too much"

Is she reading stuff on your Facebook page and misinterpreting it?

[melancholy123]

I had a brother in law who lied about everything and a lot of it was unimportant things that did not need to be lied about. One of his best was that he was engaged to a girl named Candy who was a stripper! Well there was no Candy...I guess it made him feel special or important, but everyone knew he lied.

 

People lie for so many reasons, you can't figure it out, you cant win with them. Ignoring them is the easiest way to deal with them but it can be infuriating, as you well know.

 

My sister in law used to tell real whoppers about me and she made me so mad until I learned to just ignore her. Nobody in her family ever confronted her about her BS and I barely knew her so I wasn't about to say anything back then. Now, I'd call her on it if I caught her lying about me.

 

I really detest liars!

[ParisPaulette]

This is how you handle liars, you cut them out of your life as best you can. And if anyone approaches with this person saying lies your only response is to roll your eyes, shake your head, and say "Well, someone's been at the whoppers again, and I don't mean Burger King." If she says anything to you then you laugh and say, "Oh Cuz, we all know how much you love to exaggerate things. Relax, I meant no more by my remarks than you did in your gossip about me. Take a chill pill."

 

Then you walk away laughing. In other words, you treat it all like a big joke. "Hah, good one Cuz. I never heard that story before." And you refuse to acknowledge it any way except as a giant joke and they're the punchline.

 

She'll lay off the gossip when she gets the whole "Oh, this person loves to joke about her family and I shouldn't take her seriously at all" routine a time or three and figures it out.

 

It also makes you look far less guilty to be amused rather than defensive and people, weirdly enough, believe you when you treat something with humor and an "Oh well, family, whadda ya gonna do, amaright?" attitude far more than they do with defensiveness or denial or anger. I have a pathological liar in the family and that's how we handled him. He stopped gossiping and spreading lies after a couple of friends of my family started laughing and telling him they got the joke, and then we all had a laugh at him in his presence. Gossipers hate it when people think they're joking and refuse to take them seriously.

[jennylove]

Is she reading stuff on your Facebook page and misinterpreting it?

 

Haha nope. I deleted Fb almost a year ago. I never used to post anything work related on there anyhow, and we were not fb friends. again, her comment came from left field. I don't know where she gets this stuff from. My ex-coworkers were like my family, I never alluded to any of them partying too much to anyone because it's not true at all. I'm not bothered by what she actually said. What bothers me is how she comes up with this stuff. It happens all the time within the family with her. Everything is dramatic.

 

I did confront her via text last night. I asked her why she would say something so untrue. She said "DONT START. my hormones have been messed up because I HAD CANCER removed, I don't remember what I said, I haven't been feeling well at all this year because of the cancer"

 

Me: "you had a non-cancerous fibroid tumor removed? Not cancer. Besides,,that has nothing to do with the lies you always tell"

 

Her: don't start

 

Me: quit lying and mind your own business.