Athen Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 two guys were trying to get to know me (i live in a students dorm) and then they asked me what do i usually do in my free time. i didn't want to talk much so i just responded that i like going to museums. then we didn't talk much anymore and i left them and went to my room. when i told about this situation to my boyfriend, he got really angry and said "how do you allow guys to get so close to you?" i told him that i didn't have a long conversation, just a chit chat. he responded that these guys were trying to hit on me, and to the question "what are you doing in your free time?" i should have said "meeting my boyfriend", ("so they would know their place" - his words) he was really upset and was clearly overreacting and said that he can't trust me anymore, that i am too open with guys ect. and that he won't call me anymore and he doesn't want to hear anything from me as well. the problem is, that lately he's been in a difficult period of his life and almost every fight we have he is staring to overreact, brings up my old mistakes and breaks up with me. then he apologizes. but it's been too frequent lately - every week. and right now again. what should i think about it? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 Jealousy, possessiveness and controlling behaviors like this are giant red flags. Do not take him back, this breakup is even staged in an attempt to control you. So will coming back, playing the victim, he's having a tough time blah blah, he loves you too much blah blah etc. Take him up on his offer to break up lose his number block him and stay no contact. He's trouble. Read up on 'dating violence', 'red flags for controlling relationships' and 'warning signs of abusive relationships'. See a campus counselor and tell trusted adults what's going on.he got really angry and said "how do you allow guys to get so close to you?" he was really upset and was clearly overreacting and said that he can't trust me anymore, that i am too open with guys ect. and that he won't call me anymore and he doesn't want to hear anything from me as well. almost every fight we have he is staring to overreact, brings up my old mistakes and breaks up with me. ? Link to comment
willdation Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 Looks like your bf needs to do a little growing up...he just is afraid of losing you and feels threatened...maybe those guys don't want just a platonic friendship....But as long as you are not calling or hanging out with guys that are clearly interested in something more than friends, there should be no issue.. If a girl was asking your boyfriend about his favourite hobby and stopped by his dorm room, maybe you wouldn't like it as well? People can get jealous sometimes over little things...but it is a part of growing up to learn from this... i would tell him that you both need to set boundaries of what is appropriate and what is not...just answering a question is not bad at all....just explain that since you live in a dorm it is not possible to be locked up isolated and never able to speak to anyone...but of course if any guy flirts with you, you will let him know you have a boyfriend...and he should learn to trust you until he has a reason not to Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 the problem is, that lately he's been in a difficult period of his life and almost every fight we have he is staring to overreact, brings up my old mistakes and breaks up with me. then he apologizes. but it's been too frequent lately - every week. He has placed you in detention/punishment while he sits in the drivers seat, enjoying the ride. It's time to call his bluff, end his little play time hobby, and send him packing. You didn't sign up to be bullied by this clown. Link to comment
Matt3939 Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 I've dealt with this extensively with my last relationship. Be happy he showed this side to himself. It's not your fault it's his problem not yours. Good luck Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 st a chit chat. he responded that these guys were trying to hit on me, and to the question "what are you doing in your free time?" i should have said "meeting my boyfriend", ("so they would know their place" - his words) stuff like this pisses me off. I am a friendly guy and sometimes i like meeting new people, and when people give responses like that i think they are crazy or their boyfriends are crazy. my gf had a lot of opposite sex friends at college but we had boundaries. she also put her foot down if anyone tried to hit on her..she took care of herself. but i didnt expect her convos to go like this guy: hey gf: hi guy: whats up gf: i have a bf if you know what i mean Link to comment
JaggerJim Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 People are foward these days. I was waiting on a park-bench for a mate, and this chick just bowled up and sat down beside me. Then she goes "I'm Suzie" and held out her hand for me to shake it. Ummmm ok. So I shook her hand and then she goes, who are waiting for and where do you work? Just like that. I gave her some false info and got up and left. I can see how you got yourself into this situation, but it happens everyday. It probably happens to your boyfriend but of course that's different......... Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 People are foward these days. I was waiting on a park-bench for a mate, and this chick just bowled up and sat down beside me. Then she goes "I'm Suzie" and held out her hand for me to shake it. Ummmm ok. So I shook her hand and then she goes, who are waiting for and where do you work? Just like that. I gave her some false info and got up and left. I can see how you got yourself into this situation, but it happens everyday. It probably happens to your boyfriend but of course that's different......... or maybe she was just trying to be friendly lol.. could of been a chance to meet a random person Link to comment
melancholy123 Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 Be thankful he doesnt want anything to do with you. Control freaks are a total pain in the butt and that's what this guy is. General chit chat is nothing to get upset about. I've always talked to guys (and girls) openly, that doesnt mean I am interested in them or looking for some action! My husband knows I'm a social person and so what if I talk to people! Suspicious people like that guy are doomed to have miserable lives if they continue to be like that. Link to comment
willdation Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 I was buying groceries on vacation in Czech Republic and some random woman waited for me to finish paying..asked where I was from...started chatting..,walked with me in mall...asked where my hotel was...but yeah..I had a gf at the time....but maybe she was just trying to be friendly lol i guess it just depends on you and what you can handle...just try explaining your boundaries...I personally don't get offended one bit if my gf gets jealous...I usually just laugh and think it's cute...but that's just me... my gf said it's ok to have friends that are girls and one night I was out with 5 girls and another 5 showed up, one gave me a high five and my gf randomly showed up with her friend...she came up to me and said "you are not going with those %^%^*{ to a dance club. You are coming with me." I thought it was soooo funny ... some people would try and turn that around and say she is controlling, abusive? My gf actually wrote the girl I was with saying she didn't appreciate her inviting me out with 10 girls ... But it didn't bother me one bit... Link to comment
JaggerJim Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 I was buying groceries on vacation in Czech Republic and some random woman waited for me to finish paying..asked where I was from...started chatting..,walked with me in mall...asked where my hotel was...but yeah..I had a gf at the time....but maybe she was just trying to be friendly lol Yip friends only. Of course Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 I was buying groceries on vacation in Czech Republic and some random woman waited for me to finish paying..asked where I was from...started chatting..,walked with me in mall...asked where my hotel was...but yeah..I had a gf at the time....but maybe she was just trying to be friendly lol i guess it just depends on you and what you can handle...just try explaining your boundaries...I personally don't get offended one bit if my gf gets jealous...I usually just laugh and think it's cute...but that's just me... my gf said it's ok to have friends that are girls and one night I was out with 5 girls and another 5 showed up, one gave me a high five and my gf randomly showed up with her friend...she came up to me and said "you are not going with those %^%^*{ to a dance club. You are coming with me." I thought it was soooo funny ... some people would try and turn that around and say she is controlling, abusive? My gf actually wrote the girl I was with saying she didn't appreciate her inviting me out with 10 girls ... But it didn't bother me one bit... wasnt your gf going on vacations to meet up with single dudes? also that back and fourth jealous immaturity sounds awful Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 I had an ex like this, OP. Be glad he is gone. He is being ridiculous and it only gets worse. Link to comment
Athen Posted November 1, 2016 Author Share Posted November 1, 2016 he called me a lot of times during the night - around 40… and i didn't pick up. picked up only in the morning and the first question was "where are you?" i told him "doesn't matter". he broke up with me anyway him: "ok, if you are playing like this, then goodbye." and he dropped the phone Link to comment
Athen Posted November 1, 2016 Author Share Posted November 1, 2016 lol.. i didn't react on that at all. and 5 min later i receive a text "we are done". again Link to comment
Athen Posted November 1, 2016 Author Share Posted November 1, 2016 he called me again and was furious.. said that i am a cheater, that i am an "easy girl", and he can't trust me anymore. called me a liar and that i most probably partied entire night with these guys. i was shocked by that and told him that i was sleeping at home… and that i didn't pick up because he said hurtful things about break up. he said "well then let it be hurtful, i really don't want to see you anymore" and that even hearing my voice makes him puke… then he brought up old problems. he broke up with me last year and we were not together for 7 months. in this time i went out only once with one guy - didn't have any boyfriend. and he claims that he "even couldn't look at other girls" and didn't have anybody at all. and he calls me a cheater because of that - that when he broke up with me i went out with other guy and his previous gf cheated on him and he thinks i ll be the same. i don't know what to do. Link to comment
Athen Posted November 1, 2016 Author Share Posted November 1, 2016 maybe he really has some psychological problems? he called me again and i didn't see that call. called him back directly. and he told me "well apparently you are busy again and it's a sign. let's not talk". lol. i told him i didn't see the call and asked him why did he call. him: "just wanted to say i love you but apparently it was a mistake". him: "can you block me from whatsapp and Facebook?" me: "i am not a child, i am not going to do this. do it yourself if you want" him" "i wanted to do this but i don't know how." me: "then check it" him: "ok let's talk later. or actually let's not talk anymore at all. goodbye" Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 Dude is verbally abusive, insecure, immature, likes to play games..this wont be an over night change even if he does change. He needs to figure himself out. Being cheated on doesn't the person the right to interrogate the new partner every time they become insecure about something. Link to comment
Athen Posted November 1, 2016 Author Share Posted November 1, 2016 he called me again and started calling me bad names… making up some stuff like i am kissing random guys and sleeping with them. and he was the only man i ve been with in these 3 years!! he told me that he will find a more "proper" girl than i am. and that he "wishes his parents knew about my true face - and they would never want such a bride for his son" (his parents like me a lot and even said that i am a part of the family) that he regrets the day he got to know me, all the stuff he's done for me and regrets he came back after break up … and that i am a bad person and he wishes only bad things to happen to me.. and i am just continuing saying that i didn't do anything and i love only him. i have 0 clue what to do now how can i person be so mean?? Link to comment
Athen Posted November 1, 2016 Author Share Posted November 1, 2016 he sent me a message again how he regrets everything he's done for me and that i should stay away from him and his family and i should even delete all of them from Facebook. wow. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 Excellent do exactly that. While you are at it, block him from all types of social media and communication. Do not play games with this guy. Please realize he's being abusive. Do you come from an abusive home or other abusive relationships where you are blind to this? Don't your friends and family care that you are being treated like this? Hasn't a single one of them them had the courage to say "Athen, you need to stop seeing him, these are red flags?"he sent me a message again how he regrets everything he's done for me and that i should stay away from him and his family and i should even delete all of them from Facebook Link to comment
Athen Posted November 1, 2016 Author Share Posted November 1, 2016 well he came later to my place and apologized for everything… said that he still has insecurities because of our previous break up (he says all the time that it was a big mistake of his and he thinks i forgot him in that time) and doesn't know if it will work this time. he also said that it was really wrong what he said and he is ashamed of himself and that he loves me. i told him that we can work through our problems together. we went out together and he apologized again. i really hope things will get better… he agreed that he shouldn't break up if he doesn't really mean it. Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted November 2, 2016 Share Posted November 2, 2016 until he becomes insecure about the next issue..... fyi i wish the best for you OP but ive been yourlike bf... that mind set does not change over night, to be honest i still struggle but ive learned to control it over time. it will happen again, hope you can take it. you pretty much gave him a free pass to treat you like crap Link to comment
Athen Posted November 2, 2016 Author Share Posted November 2, 2016 so is there really no way to make this behavior stop? Link to comment
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