I made a horrible mistake that I regret. I am being eaten alive by guilt.

[wonderwall123]

Hello,

 

I am a college student who entered into his first real relationship. Me and this girl have been seeing each other for about a year and have gotten extremely close to each other as of recently. I was an idiot and ruined all of that. The story: I was at the bar about a week and a half ago. I got absolutely plastered and unfortunately so was a girl at the bar. She was getting very close to me and in the back of my head I was telling myself I need to get away. So I kept pushing her away, telling her to stop but she wouldn't and I gave into my own temptations. I peck kissed her and then left the bar immediately realizing what I had done. Her roommates took a video of me peck kissing this girl and sent it to her. Long story short, she ignored me for about a week and I had been apologetically texting her everyday realizing I had made a terrible mistake.

 

I told her I assume we are still in a relationship unless she reaches out by phone or in person and says otherwise and said I would give her space. Those were the last texts I sent in order to giver her space and then she called me 2 days after my last text at 3AM, drunk and ended it. Said some things about how much she hated me and didn't care enough to talk in person about it. I said to call me sober and she did the next morning and continued to say how much she hated me and that she wanted to break things off. Oh and before this, I bought her earrings, flowers and a heartfelt note. I had one of her roommates put it in her room for me. Obviously this didn't do much, I just really wanted to show I cared a lot about her during a time where I couldn't contact her.

 

I know infidelity is something looked down upon extremely and I understand that. I feel absolutely horrible about my decision. I feel horrible because I hurt her and because I made a terrible mistake. Please understand I am not here to justify anything about what I did (I made the mistake) but to ask for lending hand as to what I should do next. I really want her back and I know I may never do this but what steps should I take now? Last contact was Saturday morning when she called me soberly in the morning. I feel eaten alive by guilt and frankly just depressed. I really like this girl and now I have ruined it by making a bad decision. I hurt her and our relationship and this is not ok. I want her to be happy and it makes me sick to my stomach thinking about how I have hurt her like this. I just want her back, I feel so close to her. She was the only girl I could open up about the passing of my dad when I was 17 and to me that means a lot if I can share that with someone.

[Edmund Exley]

What you did wasnt the most horrible thing, but still you crossed a barrier that probably hurt her deeply and the trust is gone.

 

Leave her alone. You've tried repeated contact and she hasn't responded.

[lostandhurt]

Well you have owned up to your mistake and have apologized sincerely but it is up to her if she chooses to accept it.

 

The best thing you can do is lay low, no going out, no calling or texting her and no more gifts or flowers. Give it a week so she can begin to see things in a different light and then contact her.

 

During the week you need to focus on you and why you allowed what happened to happen. You need to do some soul searching and decide if the next time you are tempted what will happen.

 

Leave her be for a while.

 

Lost

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately you can't undo this. In the meantime all you can do is leave her alone because you already did all you could to apologize. Only she can decide to cool down and forgive you, if that is in the cards in the meantime don't be clingy, let her reflect.

I said to call me sober and she did the next morning and continued to say how much she hated me and that she wanted to break things off. Oh and before this, I bought her earrings, flowers and a heartfelt note.

[pippy longstocking]

By her response I would say even if she did come back the damage is done . I think she would bring it up over and over , be paranoid if you went out , not trust you if were drunk ...oh I could go on but you get the picture . Sometimes mate you just have to accept that what is done is done .

 

Who knows , she may calm down and think it isn't the biggest deal in the world and get over it , but it would have to come from her without any prompting or contact from you , so you have to accept what has happened .

[greta96]

You already did all the damage control you could. The rest is up to her unfortunately, and the only thing left for you to do is give her plenty of space and not contact her.

It really depends how grave she perceives this offense to be. The mistake, while not huge, was enough to shatter her trust in you, and it all depends on whether she thinks she can see what happened as one-off and forgive it or not.

The tough part is not even the kiss itself, it's her ego that also got bruised because clearly other people saw the scene and were concerned enough that they decided to take pictures and send them to her. Even if she wanted to forgive you this one time, the fact that others may think poorly of her if she does will certainly influence her decision as well. Nobody wants to look like a loser or a doormat in front of their friends.

 

Just give her space, and hopefully her feelings for you will trump the pain and embarrassment and she will eventually give you another chance.

[wonderwall123]

I think you are very right about her ego being crushed. It did crush it and you are absolutely right. I know her friends are influencing her decision because like you said, she doesn't want to be a doormat. I can't believe I did what I did but time will tell.

 

It's a learning point for me.

[abitbroken]

Sorry. The only thing you can do is move on and learn for your next relationship. Shape up and don't let yourself get plastered. You won't get her back and if you do, trust is broken and you will just be delaying the ultimate breakup.

 

I know her friends are influencing her decision because like you said, she doesn't want to be a doormat.

 

In this case her friends are SUPPORTING her - don't position this as if she is okay with things but her friends are poisoning her thinking. I would be actually worried about her if she just said "okay, no big deal". it shows she feels she has worth and value.

[Usa1ah]

Sorry for what you are going through, but this sounds like a set up or **** test. For them to have a video of it to send to your gf right after it happened. The girl that was tempting you, has she done this before or just the one shot and not talked to you sense?

[JaggerJim]

What's a peck kiss?? Like a peck on the cheek? Or a quick smack on the lips? Toungue?

[JaggerJim]

What's a peck kiss?? Like a peck on the cheek? Or a quick smack on the lips? Toungue?

 

Never mind I googled it. And it states A kiss used as an expression of friendship.

 

In other words, it's a kiss used on Mothers and Grandmothers!!!!!! It's a nothing kiss, and dosn't mean she should have dumped you. OVER-REACTION on her part.

[boltnrun]

Yeah, except this girl isn't his mother or his grandmother.

 

He admitted she'd been coming on to him all night and that he finally "gave in to temptations". So I don't think he was seeing her as his mom or grandma.

 

The real test is, would he have behaved the same way if his girlfriend had been present?

[JaggerJim]

Yeah, except this girl isn't his mother or his grandmother.

 

He admitted she'd been coming on to him all night and that he finally "gave in to temptations". So I don't think he was seeing her as his mom or grandma.

 

He was drunk and being a bit over-friendly. He's more than tried to apologize. She should get over it!!!!!

[wonderwall123]

This could be seen potentially as some sort of set up or test but I do not think it was. Like one of the responses stated, I got overly friendly as I gave in to this girl who was all over me. No blame 100% on this other girl, but a lot had to do with how intoxicated and flirty she was being. I'm guilty as well. I think her friends caught wind of it and watched it unravel. If it was some sort of test or setup, well what can I do about it now. That would be a pretty shady move.

 

Regardless, I would like to be forgiven by my now Ex but if that were to happen it probably will take some time. My friends agree that it seems like an over-reaction but I simply think she reacted like this because she also had her ego smashed along with her feelings. Her mutual friends were there and this girl wasn't nearly as pretty as her. Thanks for all the insight, this forum is helpful. This was my first relationship, I'll live and learn if that's all I can do about it now.