tabithas Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 Hey Guys, I haven't posted her in a while which is a good sign to be honest. I just wanted your guys advice on a issue that I think you might be able to advice me on no bad comments please. Well where to begin, as you have seen in my previous post about a friend called Michael. He has been my best friend for about 7 years and I was told at my engagement party by his brother that he had feelings for me at the time, they were both smashed at the time and he pulled me aside whilst Michael was outside wandering lol (as far as I'm aware he doesn't know I know) this was 2 and a bit years ago but his mum used to say that he wanted us together etc. I did avoid his calls for a while and talk as and then we got close again but not too close. He is currently with someone else in which they have been together for 19 months. Little bit of a back story, around a year ago they tried to move out together in which they did for 4 months renting but she wasn't working so she moved into his dads as she would of been homeless, she has no real family around the area and biological mum lives abroad in which she hardly sees but she's was a kid of care (lots of issues and things that i wont go into too long). He felt that he had to keep her as he made of homeless and they weren't getting on for months. . One night he admitted he made a mistake, Around 4 months ago he found out he was expecting a baby with her and he is the type of person that doesn't want kids now, he would rather live life to the fullest holidays, parties etc. He even admitted that he doesn't want kids now to her, but because she decided to keep the baby he says he feels stuck in the choice. He recently got engaged to her whilst on holiday a couple of weeks ago in which he told me he was goaded into by his mum and other friends. He also said the reason was that due to her having a baby previously with someone else and (issues involving child services) that it would be more stable for their baby to be at his dads, her other baby is with the father).He admitted that it is only a ring until they actually get married, but then he says he doesn't even want to get married. At Christmas previous I also didn't talk to him for a while due to a comment she said, me and his gf went for coffee and she mentioned that he wanted to be a dad which is fine and i mentioned it to him which he denied to me and she made me look a liar. I shouldn't of avoided him for that but it annoyed me so much that she could twist things that she said originally. He is so confusing and he doesn't seem to know what he wants and I don't know how to be there for him as a friend?. If he wants to be with her which is totally fine just say so instead of lying about it or to salt his priorities out, its like I don't even know him anymore he is so confusing. Sorry about making this long any comments are appreciated, no hate please. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 When are you getting married? Why not focus on that and your fiance. Michael can solve his own dilemmas. Pull back and allow him to take care of his own life and not be an emotional vampire or interloper on your current relationship. my engagement party by his brother that he had feelings for me at the time, they were both smashed at the time and he pulled me aside whilst Michael. He is so confusing and he doesn't seem to know what he wants and I don't know how to be there for him as a friend?. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 The moment someone has more than friendly feelings to the other person, you are no longer friends. Friendship with the opposite sex can only be there if you are both totally platonic, as in if you two were the last two people on the planet, humanity would end because you still would be grossed out about even the idea of touching each other that way. His mouth is moving in one direction, but his feet in the other. If you want to know the truth, look at his actions. The reality is that he is with this woman, he did get her pregnant (if he was truly so utterly against having a child, he would have taken better precautions), they are having a child, they are engaged to get married and I will put money on the fact that they will get married. I am guessing he is still very much attracted to you so he is trying to minimize his relationship to you in some weird hope that maybe some day he might get somewhere with you regardless of how silly and unrealistic it is and despite the fact that he is moving on, become a father and a married man. What he is doing with you is really kind reached a yucky ground. Anyway given his feelings, your friendship is a bit of a sham. If you want to right it, next time he starts badmouthing his fiance or telling you how he doesn't want this or that, tell him flat out to knock the bs off and start living with the choices he has made. Personally, I wouldn't have much respect left for any friend who acted like he is doing. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 If he wants to be with her which is totally fine just say so instead of lying about it or to salt his priorities out, its like I don't even know him anymore he is so confusing. With him being a long time friend of yours, why does it matter whether he wants to be with her, or not? Of course you could tell him you don't want to hear about the personal details regarding his relationship, yet you can still remain close friends. Unless...there's more to this than a friendship between the two of you? Link to comment
tabithas Posted October 31, 2016 Author Share Posted October 31, 2016 Hey guys, As i have said we have been friends for a long time. Me and my fiancee have been going through a lot since the first 3 months we have started dating. I have posted on here before about my relationship and the things that have happened up till now at different points. I have received comments saying that we shouldn't be together etc from people that have commented on previous posts which lead even more to doubts during that time. At certain times i think about me and Michael together but the more i think about it the more i knew then it would be mad and wouldn't work as we are such good friends before she came along. sometimes i want to confront him on this and why he is being the way he is as its not fair, but i don't want to cause an argument if not feelings are not there as i said it was 2 n bit years ago and i don't really want a look an idiot. its just little things since then that he says about his gf and everything that is happening now that makes me wonder if he still is? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 It sounds like your relationship with your 4 yr live in bf isn't happy or even working or going anywhere. This may be why you fantasize about this friend and are jealous about his relationship and that he's having a family with her and actually getting married not just perpetually being 'engaged'. It may be time to look inside your own relationship rather than his? At certain times i think about me and Michael together but the more i think about it the more i knew then it would be mad and wouldn't work as we are such good friends before she came along. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 You need to break contact with Michael and stay out of his business. He chose to be with his fiance - not you. He moved out with her, etc, and has never had you as a romantic interest. People were meddling by telling you that he had feelings for you - he may not have had them and they were meddling. Also, he could have said that he was "just staying with her so she wouldn't be homeless" because he thought that is what you wanted to hear, to keep your friendship going/to keep you intrigued. If he didn't want to be with her, he would have stopped having sex and lived as roomies if he didn't want her homeless, he would not have had unprotected sex and a baby. true friend, if he made his choice to marry her, would be encouraging towards that friend and congratulating them on the baby. So stop meddling by being a girl bestie he can emotionally cheat with and it will be better for your relationship to if you stop worrying about Michael and focus on your own relationship whether that is staying together or breaking up and meeting someone new, but honestly, how many of your disagreements in your relationship have been about Michael? Link to comment
abitbroken Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 also, he should not be commenting to you about his fiancee in any negative manner and if he does, do not entertain it. Link to comment
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