lovergirl101 Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 My child's father and I broke up over a year ago. Our relationship was ty (excuse me). He was a cheater, liar, manipulative and money hungry. Recently we started screwing. I haven't been with anyone since he left and now I wanna stop screwing him. I think it's more of an emotional attachment. I've always believed that he was supposed to be my soulmate, and that he'd be ready when he stopped screwing off but I just want to let it go completely. He's been with multiple women since we ended, was with one strong after we ended. You can be brutally honest, etc but I know I need help. Please help me. I just want me self-esteem and confidence and self-love back. But I keep holding on to the idea of him one day manning up for us (my daughter and I). He struggles with infidelity. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 Do you still live together? Does he pay child support or have visitation/partial custody? That's all the manning up he's required to do. Perhaps you should think of yourself and your child only and consider dating some decent men so you don't feel lonely and vulnerable to going back for hookups. He doesn't "struggle with" cheating, he chooses it..He was a cheater, liar, manipulative and money hungry. I haven't been with anyone since he left.But I keep holding on to the idea of him one day manning up for us Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 Hey if the sex is good and no one minds. Link to comment
Almira23 Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 The word "screwing" just makes me cringe Link to comment
lovergirl101 Posted October 31, 2016 Author Share Posted October 31, 2016 Do you still live together? Does he pay child support or have visitation/partial custody? That's all the manning up he's required to do. Perhaps you should think of yourself and your child only and consider dating some decent men so you don't feel lonely and vulnerable to going back for hookups. He doesn't "struggle with" cheating, he chooses it.. He gives me 25$/week. He doesn't have stable income and there are no legal ramifications around our relationship as far as coparenting goes. Link to comment
lovergirl101 Posted October 31, 2016 Author Share Posted October 31, 2016 Why? Having sex.... Link to comment
lovergirl101 Posted October 31, 2016 Author Share Posted October 31, 2016 Yea, the point is I want to mind. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 He's required by law to pay child support. You create "legal ramifications" by representing your child and file for the support they are legally entitled to. $25/wk is ridiculous and you don't have to have sex with him to get that.He gives me 25$/week. He doesn't have stable income and there are no legal ramifications Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 Yea, the point is I want to mind. Well then why are you allowing it to happen? Link to comment
lovergirl101 Posted October 31, 2016 Author Share Posted October 31, 2016 Initially it was because it had been a long time. Now, it's because I want to. Link to comment
lovergirl101 Posted October 31, 2016 Author Share Posted October 31, 2016 Yea, I know. But I really kind of just wanted advice I guess on moving on and stopping the casual sex w/him. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 Yea, I know. But I really kind of just wanted advice I guess on moving on and stopping the casual sex w/him. Sometimes you just have to make a decision to stop doing something and simply stop. Link to comment
lovergirl101 Posted October 31, 2016 Author Share Posted October 31, 2016 Sometimes you just have to make a decision to stop doing something and simply stop. easier said than done when you were together over 6 years and he was only man you've ever been in love with. Link to comment
journeynow Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 easier said than done when you were together over 6 years and he was only man you've ever been in love with. Sometimes it's in doing the hard things that you need for yourself that builds your self esteem and confidence and demonstrates self-love. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 easier said than done when you were together over 6 years and he was only man you've ever been in love with. What was the catalyst for the divorce? Link to comment
abitbroken Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 You made the decision to divorce and that was the hardest part. Now go find yourself a divorce support group to attend and do not allow him to come over for sex any longer. Believe me, your child WILL find out sooner or later. Your child will suspect something unless they are under the age of 2. They will see their dad's piece of clothing, they will see you act differently towards eachother or one day you will forget they were getting off of school early and they will find dad there. Neighbor kids will inform them that they have seen the car, etc. It may not happen now, but if this goes on for a long time it most likely will. It starts with one step at a time - filling your time with something else like a support group and saying no to him the next time - even if he thinks its just for that night and it might be yes another time. It will feel good to you to say no. The situation this puts you in, too, is he can say that he only gives you $25 because he is back in the home helping out, or your relationship is on the mend, etc. And the sex may make you not ask for more via the court. So - walk in the door - and promise yourself that you will not go even out to coffee with a man for one year. And at the end of that year, go a month longer. And decide after that to go a month longer or that coffee is okay. No "friends" with a new man, no exchanging numbers, even for support group. Only befriend new women. Do not hang out with friends who want to go clubbing where you might be tempted. Work on you only. Get comfortable with yourself as a divorced woman. Focus on kids. And next year you will thank yourself for it. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 It sounds like he's been with multiple women all along. Make sure you are safe use protection/get tested for stds whenever you have non-exclusive hookups. Does he have other kids or gotten other women pregnant? Do you still live together?My child's father and I broke up.He was a cheater, liar, manipulative and money hungry. He's been with multiple women since we ended. He struggles with infidelity. Link to comment
willdation Posted October 31, 2016 Share Posted October 31, 2016 If someone does not have integrity, it does not matter how nice you are to them. They will cheat and lie whenever they feel like it. You deserve better in your life and you sill be able to find someone honest who loves you and respects you...life is too short to waste on someone like this...my advice would be to go on dates or even try an online dating website...maybe the person of your dreams is just waiting around the corner Link to comment
lovergirl101 Posted November 2, 2016 Author Share Posted November 2, 2016 We were never married but he always did his thing, wasn't really dedicated to us. Then when I started talking to another guy he decided to leave, and he was with someone almost immediately. Link to comment
lovergirl101 Posted November 2, 2016 Author Share Posted November 2, 2016 Thank you so very much. Link to comment
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