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Tomorrow was my ex anniversary date. Last year, we weren't together either is was two weeks before our first breakup which came out of no where and we got back together early November right before my birthday. I do not know why but it's hard. It feels as if everything was for nothing. That I wasted so much time with someone who never cared about me and esp not about an anniversary.


It's that exact same and it's been a year. I feel so stupid, yet I still hurt. I honestly don't know if I love him anymore or not. Sometimes I feel as if my feelings were burned down to ash and other times I think of what could have been if he would have appreciated me and respected my needs and worked with me. He never did in two years. I just do not understand what's wrong with me, or him, or anything. I just do not get it.


I do not know if ex anniversaries are hard for anyone one and what they did to get by. It's hard to forget being Halloween. I do not even think I'll hear from him which Is fine, but I feel like it's pushing me away and no matter what he does or says if he comes back again in the future will matter anymore. It just all really sucks. I just wanted a peaceful friendly ending that was positive, yet firm and the way he ended things by telling me what he did pushed me and we fought for nearly a month and now it's all silent and it is hard to see anything positive when I loved him more than any other man and put him first always.


I even try to remain positive and motivated for PA school which I am, but I could have gone to medical schools. That's what I had planned for years and he said he could not handle being in a relationship with someone doing residency and everything I did career wise these past two years could have changed the direction of my life and now I have neither and lost love and have to reflect on how sad and stupid I feel tomorrow on the ex anniversary date which was so special to me.

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