Commitment and happiness

[Enviablemeanin]

My husbandvis having second thought on marriage.were both 29 and alot of our relationship was forced based on reality children etc. Im in love with man hes becoming but his constant urge of feeling hes missing out play a major role in his commitment dedication to me. He feels though he gave me children a marriage he should be free to live his. Im torn in the storm because no matter what weve went thru my unconditionally love would always try and understand be forgiving but now its to the point where im lost. Where does that leave me ? Separation would be starting over financial and we just literally got the house should i wait and emotionally try to understand, or i just let it. Go completely.. This love feeling ia not a good feeling when its a one sided feeling

[Lester]

You can't make someone love you but don't think you're average 29 man has any idea what he wants.

You shouldn't live in a loveless marriage but you must be certain he understands the breaking of his vows started it and you're going to finish it.

 

The proper way is progressively.

1. Tell him you won't live in a non-marriage. That you have too much honor and respect for yourself to do that. (Calmly, and word for word.)

2. Give him time. (Men need time!)

3. Make him sleep on the couch.

4. NO SEX! Sex is not a universal cure-all. It will confuse him and keep him from recommitting, (or not), to you.

 

Try this, and report back.

 

PS, Don't tell him about this forum or anything you may be doing to save the marriage. (Stop talking!)

[Wiseman2]

Has he asked for a divorce or is he cheating?

He feels though he gave me children a marriage he should be free to live his. Separation would be starting over financial and we just literally got the house should i wait and emotionally try to understand, or i just let it.

[Edmund Exley]

Ask him if he is willing to go through marriage counseling. Dont be surprised when he isn't. Sounds like he is experiencing Grass is Greener syndrome.

[MissCanuck]

Do you have any suspicions he's met someone else?

[NicoleWilliams]

I can only imagine how difficult this situation must be for you. Have you considered marriage counseling? If he isn't willing to go that route, initiate the counseling process without him. That will show him that you're serious about your relationship with him. I know it’s easier said than done.. but I will certainly be praying for you. I hope everything will be fine with you both soon. Hugs!

[Enviablemeanin]

Thanks everyone for the feedback. He says his intentions was not to leave me or hurt me. But hes young and marriage puts a damper on things. He has a mistress in the works already. Divorce is not the answer.i dnt think walking away will make matters better. Just feel alone maybe councilin will help .really i dnt even know how to react all i know this feeling has my heart heavy.

[Hermes]

"He has a mistress in the works already. Divorce is not the answer"

 

And you have children.

 

And he's 29, which anywhere means "adult" and "grown up" (though not always it would seem!).

 

Why is divorce not the answer?

 

Do you intend to spend the rest of your life in this disrespectful, dysfunctional and hurtful environment. You are expected to "understand" that he is missing out, and you are expected to also understand the mistress situation.

 

Was the marriage forced on you in the first place?