When You Have NC, and Share Realizations with Your XBF

[BeHeard]

For those of you going through NC. The process is crazy and WILL come full circle IF YOU ALLOW IT.

 

*Note: last four words of that sentence

 

My spiritual journey has finally led me to a 3rd business where I am paying it forward due to my experiences. I won't go into details, because the detail of the business are irrelevant.

 

What IS relevant is that until you hand over your perceived "control" over outcomes and how people feel and learn to "fold into the universe" with trust, you will continue to cycle. The more you try to control the outcome of what you CAN NOT HAVE, the more it will elude you.

 

This isn't hippie speak. I've finally gotten to a place, via strict No Contact where the more I truly accept and "let go", the more positive things I attract. When you have the courage to dig deep in the dirt and roots and remove the cancerous things, only then, will you attract what you want. And it isn't always your ex, because as you get to a better place, you *might* realize that your ex wasn't all that and a bag of chips (yes, I know, hard to imagine while they sit on their infinite throne above you).

 

I had finally "arrived" in my mind. 2-3 months NC (yes, I had stopped counting somewhere after 30 and didn't care), where I felt like I needed to own my contributions to the situation and *release* him. Sort of my "paying it forward" thing to him. I made sure it was selfless. I made certain that I didn't have an outcome in mind. I told myself that I was going to "fold into the universe" and accept whatever outcome this reaching out to him resulted in and continue with my happiness.

 

I didn't want to write a long email. Chatting or a phone call would warrant a response, and I didn't think that would bode well either. So I sat down and did a heartfelt, selfless video. I set pride aside and told him of my contributions, my blame... and its purpose was to set him free and allow us to move forward to "Higher Ground" (separately), as that quote coined from CatFeeder constantly resonated with me.

 

I double checked to make sure before I hit send that my intentions were pure and I was willing and healthy enough to accept whatever came back. Check. Hit send. His response, after a few months of NC was truly cordial:

 

"Just thought I would let you know I watched the video. Thank you for it, I would like to say sorry for the mean things I said... so that was me saying it. Also... don't worry about [an event we may be mutually attending in Nov], not sure I will be going, I have been in [city] for the past month and will not be heading back home until the week before Thanksgiving. Not sure I would be up to driving (being in a car) to [event] right after driving home from here."

 

My *old* self would have jumped on this response as hope... read meaning into it saying that simply the fact that me responded means he loves me and desires reconciliation. the *new* me said "Honey, if he wants to reconcile, he will SURE AS HELL send something to let you know that. THIS is not IT."

 

And I was ok with that. I have no desire to respond. This message back was nothing more than cordial and thanking me for a selfless gesture.

 

Now I return to my regularly scheduled pretty damn good, introspective, fulfilling, positive, opportunity filled, life.

 

I hope all of you in Limbo, choose to do the same.

 

Peace. Really.