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Why do girls get mad when you give them advice on weight loss?


warpaint
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....lol....after all the responses....emotions, empathy, sympathy, did you word it correctly, maybe she was seeking a compliment, maybe she wanted advice but differently stated, maybe she just wanted you to listen and commiserate, it was a trap, it's about age and maturity, you might have been rude, it was the moon in the wrong alignment with Jupiter and Mars was totally out of whack with Venus, if you had only checked your crystal ball and used proper telepathy to divine out what she actually wanted to hear and in what tone and which specific words......sooooo....OP do you see what a loaded minefield this is?????

 

I hope so. I'm telling ya, for your own sanity, you hear that question duck and run for cover.

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....lol....after all the responses....emotions, empathy, sympathy, did you word it correctly, maybe she was seeking a compliment, maybe she wanted advice but differently stated, maybe she just wanted you to listen and commiserate, it was a trap, it's about age and maturity, you might have been rude, it was the moon in the wrong alignment with Jupiter and Mars was totally out of whack with Venus, if you had only checked your crystal ball and used proper telepathy to divine out what she actually wanted to hear and in what tone and which specific words......sooooo....OP do you see what a loaded minefield this is?????

 

I hope so. I'm telling ya, for your own sanity, you hear that question duck and run for cover.

 

It's the case with most any expressed frustration. It's not the same as them asking for advice. Batya's suggestion is wise: " Before giving any advice I'd check 'I hear that you are unhappy with [whatever the topi]. Would you like me to give you some advice?'"

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I think wording matters. Yes, we may all fish for compliments sometimes knowingly or unknowingly but if she has stopped talking to you completely, it is either that she is a bit immature or she fancied you somehow but now thinks you don't find her cute or something so she decided not to waste her time with you. But before these scenarios, I think people who are sensitive about something may word it lightly due to embarrassment or to protect themselves and if the other person is at that time unable to understand this, their reciprocal light and humorous tone may feel offensive to the other person. Did you try to understand her feelings about the issue or just gave some standard advice without paying much attention to how she may be feeling about the issue?

 

The latter. I gave her advice without thinking and now I feel bad.

This was last week and we still haven't spoken to each other. I really want to apologize but I don't know if I should give some space. She's done this before, last time we got into a mini fight and didn't speak for a while, so I'm debating on what I should do.

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Yes we do

 

Personally, I think I'm OK as long as my Yorkshire puds have a soggier bottom than myself and I seem to achieve that every time

 

Honestly, I think it also depends on which side of twenty and thirty this girl and the OP are in respectively. 28 and 32 would not matter much whereas 22 and 39 would say something different (in terms of where every day convos and potential flirting styles would go). Their own body image and how it matches reality also matters. If she has anorexia for instance, this post becomes an entirely different story. Likewise, a man with a diagnosed eating disorder would be able to connect in a different way. A bodybuilder and a woman with weight problems would bring a different dynamic.

 

I'm 30 and she's 25.

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So what kind of friendship is this? A friend from a group of friends and you feel like crap not because she emotionally matters a lot but you are a sensitive person with a streak or perfectionism for example? Or is this a friendship that may turn into something more special in your mind? Basically, it seems like she gets dismissive or avoidant when there is a conflict and on the way emotionally stonewalling you maybe. For her emotional satisfaction in life, this will need to change but that's not your responsibility. You can decide how important this person is for you and whether you want to take a supportive role in this (preserving your boundaries as well) or just keep this behaviour out of your zone. Only you can decide that.

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ttps 3027541/why-all-your-little-white-lies-arent-as-harmless-as-you-think

 

Harris believes you should never tell a lie—not even the "white" ones we use to spare others discomfort. "They tend to be the only lies that good people tell, while imagining that they are being good in the process," he says.

People often tell white lies to avoid sharing truths that feel awkward. For example, your wife might ask how you think she looks in her new outfit or your coworker might ask your thoughts on an idea. You don’t have to volunteer every negative thought you have, says Harris, but when you’re asked for an opinion, it helps to share what’s useful. "Follow the golden rule," says Harris. "If you were asking the question, would you be grateful to know the truth, however awkward it was to articulate?"

 

and

 

 

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ttps 3027541/why-all-your-little-white-lies-arent-as-harmless-as-you-think

 

Harris believes you should never tell a lie—not even the "white" ones we use to spare others discomfort. "They tend to be the only lies that good people tell, while imagining that they are being good in the process," he says.

People often tell white lies to avoid sharing truths that feel awkward. For example, your wife might ask how you think she looks in her new outfit or your coworker might ask your thoughts on an idea. You don’t have to volunteer every negative thought you have, says Harris, but when you’re asked for an opinion, it helps to share what’s useful. "Follow the golden rule," says Harris. "If you were asking the question, would you be grateful to know the truth, however awkward it was to articulate?"

 

and

 

 

 

Interesting article that can open the door for many discussions about human society, its kindness and hypocricies. I wonder why though almost every example of the author is based on scenarios where women seem to be asking these questions that seem to need some kind of affirmation and men are depicted as ones telling white lies not to hurt anyone. Do women get hurt more easily than men? I would say men equally ask for affirmation although strategies may differ. For instance, various direct and indirect questions about sexual prowess and the size of the glorious p. in comparison to the others a woman has seen are pretty common - unless myself and my friends group is a magnet for these I wonder where humankind and relationships would be theoretically if everyone told the utter, bare truth each time these things came up.

 

Again, the conversation doesn't have to be stuck between "lies" and "truth". There are many ways to tell the truth without breaking anyone's heart or at least giving it a try.

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Don't know Zeino.

 

"Do women get hurt more easily than men?

 

One thing is for sure, they certainly ask dafter questions sometimes lol.

 

And sure, which is what the article propounds, one can tell the truth in a kindly and diplomatic fashion. Not everyone has diplomatic skills though!

 

White lies? I fear we all probably tell them.

 

Just now I recall a relative of ours who called (I was visiting with my mother at the time), and she had on this dress, the type you'd need to grab your sunglasses to look at. She wanted to know how she looked. What could we say!!! The dress was awful, garish, or as my mother said afterwards: "that's one helluva dress".

Half way to the truth all I could utter was: "very colourful".

 

Heh. Never been asked by any man, ever, about that comparison you mention.

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Let her cool down and contact you. Unless it was overtly condescending, no reason to apologize, because it's on her that she took it the wrong way.

 

What are these mini-fights about? Does she usually contact you after she's calmed down?

I really want to apologize but I don't know if I should give some space. She's done this before, last time we got into a mini fight and didn't speak for a while, so I'm debating on what I should do.
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Let her cool down and contact you. Unless it was overtly condescending, no reason to apologize, because it's on her that she took it the wrong way.

 

What are these mini-fights about? Does she usually contact you after she's calmed down?

 

That's what I was thinking I should do, but it's already been a week since we last spoke lol.

It wasn't really a fight, but we were texting one night and I subtly said I didn't want to text anymore (not in a mean way) and she texted back something sarcastic. I quickly apologized and we didn't speak for a week and a half.

It's just she has a quick-temper and is sensitive. I even asked her why she gets mad at me easily and she said "I'm sensitive but I hide it well." So I now know when I gave her that advice, she took it the wrong way and that's why she's ignoring me.

 

Yes she contacted me after I apologized the last time this happened.

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The latter. I gave her advice without thinking and now I feel bad.

This was last week and we still haven't spoken to each other. I really want to apologize but I don't know if I should give some space. She's done this before, last time we got into a mini fight and didn't speak for a while, so I'm debating on what I should do.

 

I'd do nothing. She asked for advice and she didn't like what she heard! It might teach her not to ask next time.

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  • 1 year later...
She didn't ask for advice. I just gave her advice, but I understand what you're saying.

 

Yeah, giving advice when it wasn't asked for can create more problems than people realize.

 

If she was complaining to you about her weight, didn't ask you for advice on how to lose weight, yet you proceeded to give her advice on how to lose weight, well...you were basically confirming what she feared, which is that you think she needs to lose weight.

 

I know a lot of women who feel pressure from society to look a certain way - to be slim. So weight is a sore spot for a lot of women, I find, and therefore can be a very touchy topic in general.

Edited by milly007
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