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Why do girls get mad when you give them advice on weight loss?


warpaint
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Basically when you bring up the topic of weight loss to a friend and the friend gives you advice, you then get upset.

 

This girl brought up the topic, said she wanted to lose weight and when I gave her good advice (or what I thought was good advice) she got mad and is now ignoring me.

 

It's starting to drive me crazy.

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sometimes they whine about their weight to elicit a "weightloss?? but you're TINY?!" type response.

 

and sometimes it takes one a while after admitting they've risen like dough to start a regime. chocholate chip is good, especially if you're feeding your feelings.

 

they say between saying and doing many a pair of shoes is worn out, and she asked before she was ready for sneakers.

 

don't sweat it. if her self image is very bad she would've flown off the handle for something else if not this. i'd leave it be, and if she still talks to you, steer off of the subject of weight.

 

are you guys very young?

 

btw, if you're male, it's likely been a huge hit to her attractiveness. generally, women "are the perfect size", whatever their actual size

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Sometimes a person will bring up a negative about themselves because , admit or not , they want a compliment , they want a positive . She quite possibly wanted you to say no no no , you don't need to lose weight , you are beautiful as you are etc etc ....By responding with diet advice was just basically telling her , yes , you do need to lose weight . lol

 

you know the book ...men are from mars , women are from venus ..honest mate , you was never going to say the right thing , when someone mentions their weight ..run ...haha as fast as you can.

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Yeah this made me giggle.

Both of you came at it in such a stereotypical fashion lol. Her mentioning her weight but not wanting to hear anything except validation that she doesn't need to change, she's perfect! , and you hearing her talk about wanting to lose weight and assuming she wants a solution.

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Anytime anyone gets mad at advice, it is because 1) they don't feel you understand their struggle, and/or 2) they hear it as criticism.

 

Anyone who thought of me as a girl like all other girls would like make me mad no matter what he or she said. Actually I wouldn't be mad, I would dismiss and withdraw. I am a woman like no other. And each of my friends is a woman like no other, as well.

 

It would be pretty easy to overlook someone's particular challenges if you think in terms of large classes of people "all" and in diminutive terms "girls". I don't even call my daughters "girls" because they are teens, and girls are in the single digits.

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lol.....they get mad because they aren't asking for advice, they are fishing for a compliment. It's what you call a loaded question and when you hear it, every alarm in your brain should be going off "danger danger danger - minefield ahead."

 

Anyway, you don't give advice, you tell her she is perfect as is and quickly change topics. Like fast. It's one of those where pretty much anything you say can and will be held against you, but telling her she is perfect will cause you least damage and grief.

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I think a lot of posters aren't giving the girl enough credit. If your advice is rude, anyone would get mad

 

I had a similar encounter with my dad actually a few months ago. I'm plus sized and he told me I should work out more. I was SO MAD. I was working out anywhere from 5-10 hours a week, depending on schedule, so it was blind advice. It was rude and judgemental.

 

Offer advice if you want. If you're friends, it's better to say "well I do X on these days, want to join?" (Walk, bike, hike, jog, Zumba, whatever). Or "we should have a healthy dinner party! It's more fun cooking in a group anyway". Advice to eat better, run more, whatever - it's rude IMO because you don't know her struggle.

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Oh my! No. She's not looking for advice if she got offended. She's one of those types that uses the "does this make me look fat?" type rhetorical questions to hear "You are perfect the way you are".

 

Yes, it's convoluted but that's how some of these types operate. They pose a question not hoping for a logical solution, but hoping for a specific reassuring response.

This girl brought up the topic, said she wanted to lose weight and when I gave her good advice she got mad and is now ignoring me.
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I think wording matters. Yes, we may all fish for compliments sometimes knowingly or unknowingly but if she has stopped talking to you completely, it is either that she is a bit immature or she fancied you somehow but now thinks you don't find her cute or something so she decided not to waste her time with you. But before these scenarios, I think people who are sensitive about something may word it lightly due to embarrassment or to protect themselves and if the other person is at that time unable to understand this, their reciprocal light and humorous tone may feel offensive to the other person. Did you try to understand her feelings about the issue or just gave some standard advice without paying much attention to how she may be feeling about the issue?

Edited by zeino
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Dude I cannot believe you fell for that.

 

Friend or not you did the opposite of what she wanted. I totally get it and since you are only 30 you may not have learned this yet but when women complain to a man they do not want you to fix the problem for them or even offer advice. They want you to listen, have empathy for what they are going through and support them and TAKE THEIR SIDE!!!

 

Guys see a problem and immediately go into fix it mode. We have all done it so don't worry, just learn from this for next time. Now if she says "my car has a flat tire" there is nothing wrong with you offering to put the spare on for her but anything about how she looks, issues with her mother or a girlfriend or coworker you need to hold your fix it tongue and be supportive and understanding.

 

Live and learn

 

Lost

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Did you try to understand her feelings about the issue or just gave some standard advice without paying much attention to how she may be feeling about the issue?
she's 20 something so i think you nailed it with the immature bit. a decade or so later you know better (ehm. the majority of the time at least) than to fish for a compliment by asking if these yoga pants make your butt look huge, and you know better than to expect your male friend to really deeply reflect on or try to feel with you the struggle of hating your butt.

 

if a male friend is really mature and i know he's not uncomfortable with others' emotional reflections, i might *hope* he'll try to empathise a tad bit more deeply with my grieving, difficult ethical dilemmas at work or existential questions, but if he doesn't, i'll assume the male standards have made the task feel kind of foreign to him before concluding he's an insensitive jerk. my depression over the flab i've put on while bingeing to supress these problems, nope, i don't even begin to assume he'll *feel with me*.

 

in any case though. we always look great ;-).

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in any case though. we always look great ;-).

 

Yes we do

 

Personally, I think I'm OK as long as my Yorkshire puds have a soggier bottom than myself and I seem to achieve that every time

 

Honestly, I think it also depends on which side of twenty and thirty this girl and the OP are in respectively. 28 and 32 would not matter much whereas 22 and 39 would say something different (in terms of where every day convos and potential flirting styles would go). Their own body image and how it matches reality also matters. If she has anorexia for instance, this post becomes an entirely different story. Likewise, a man with a diagnosed eating disorder would be able to connect in a different way. A bodybuilder and a woman with weight problems would bring a different dynamic.

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What Wiseman said:

 

"Oh my! No. She's not looking for advice if she got offended. She's one of those types that uses the "does this make me look fat?" type rhetorical questions to hear "You are perfect the way you are".

 

Yes, it's convoluted but that's how some of these types operate. They pose a question not hoping for a logical solution, but hoping for a specific reassuring response."

 

Sigh!

 

Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies......

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