Am I overthinking things in this relationship?

[Undy]

Hi there. Thanks for any advice.

 

Sometimes it takes someone else perspective to see if you are crazy or not.

 

I met this woman 4 months ago and we seemed to hit it off. I have to be honest, I really dig this chick. We have a ton in common! It is hard to get together during the week since I work first shift and she works second, although we have been pretty good at making time to see each other. We text multiple times per day and we get along quite well.

 

After 3 months I asked her if this was like an exclusive thing and she said it was too early to put a label on things. I understand, it was only 3 months, so I let it go. I haven't really mentioned it again. She says she is not and does not plan on dating anyone else. I haven't either. I don't multi date. One is hard enough!! lol.

 

Anyway, we went away to another state for the weekend. We seems to get along just well. Stopped at few breweries during the day and I noticed she was texting one of her guy friends, a lot. I guess he is into beer two and they were just chatting about the beer. Whatever, no big deal for me. I am usually not the jealous type and I am not afraid to walk away if I even think I am getting cheated on. Been there, done that. However, would she even be cheating on me since it doesn't seem like thing is exclusive.

 

Took her to this nice brewery for dinner. We are both into craft beer. She bought a hat. Night was well and went back to hotel. While we just chilling on the bed, she gets her phone out and takes a selfie of herself. Right in front of me, she texts this selfie to this guy she has been chatting with. I didn't creep her phone or anything like that, it was right in front of my face. I was pissed. I told her that was f*ed up and extremely disrespectful. She tried to say, "what? I am not allowed to have friends?" I call BS. Of course she can have friends! I told her "how would you like if I sent a selfie of myself to a girl right now in front of you?" We didn't talk much the rest of the night. I tried to forget about the next day and get along, but it has been on my mind since.

 

I also want to mention something that seems so childish, but here it goes... I sent her a Facebook request a week before and she ignored it. No big deal. It's stupid I know. However, Facebook up while we were out to dinner the other day and I jokingly said, "well you ignored my request, lol.." She told me she didn't know that I requested her as a friend and pulled it up on her screen. I call a lie. On top of that she apologized and then still ignored the request. Does she have something to hide?

 

Am I over reacting to some of this stuff? Would you keep going trying to see if this pans out to something? I guess I am just ready to commit. I am getting older, already been divorced (ex-wife cheated and left me), and just looking for someone to have fun with in life.

 

Any thoughts?

[Wiseman2]

Agree, she shifted the conversation from being rude to "having friends". Between not wanting to "label" the relationship the fb selfies to this guy and not adding the guy she's dating to fb for months, yeah somethings weird.

Right in front of me, she texts this selfie to this guy she has been chatting with. I didn't creep her phone or anything like that, it was right in front of my face. I was pissed. I told her that was f*ed up and extremely disrespectful. She tried to say, "what? I am not allowed to have friends?" On top of that she apologized and then still ignored the request. Does she have something to hide?

[DancingFool]

Sorry but you are wasting your time.

 

3 months of dating is not too soon to agree to exclusivity. She basically told you flat out that you are just a nice to have option, but she intends to keep her doors wide open to better possibilities.

 

The trip thing.....why would you even consider putting up with that? I mean you take her to a nice brewery and she is busy taking selfies and chatting with some other dude instead paying attention to you. What are you to her? The jackazz who is just there to pick up the tab while she has more important people to talk to? This isn't about jealousy, this just about basic manners and respect for the person you are with. She has zero respect, no manners and was rude as all get out towards you. Intolerably so.

 

The FB thing....icing on the cake. She told you she considers herself single. She is hiding your existence.

 

I think you've been over the top tolerant of her bs and it's high time you dumped her and moved on....well....since you aren't officially in a relationship, I guess just quit contacting her and move on.

 

You are not going to find a good woman when you are wasting time putting up with that kind of nonsense and garbage treatment.

[moodindigo91]

Sounds like she has a boyfriend already and you're the other man. She refuses to accept your request, won't put a title on your relationship, and is sending what I would call "proof selfies" to her man right in front of you, essentially proving she's by herself in a hotel room on a business trip that she told her man she was on.

 

If it's not that, she's messing around with other guys.

 

Either way, she's a big waste of time, I wouldn't spend any more time or money on her.

[Bunney]

If not shady, I'd call her quite immature. Taking a selfie and sending it to her guy friend... Puh-lease, how old is she. Attentionseeker for sure!

The facebook thing is kinda weird too - unless she is VERY VERY strict about who she adds (as in, only close friends and family members..but if that was the case, she'd surely have told you that) it would definitely make me think she has something to hide/doesnt want you to see her attentionseeking ways (probably tons of cleavage selfies with 100 comments from guys below each one ) OR her relationship status

[reinventmyself]

If some guy was laying in bed with me and sent a selfie to another girl, I'd be out of there so fast it would make your head spin.

She flips the script on you, painting you possibly controlling that she can't even have friends?!

It worked because I bet you backed down, right?

Pleeeasse!

 

Ooops. . She missed your friend request but you brought it to her attention, correct? And her reason for still not accepting it is?

 

I can't pretend to know what she's up to. . .but I wouldn't put with her lack of character if it were me.

[Undy]

Thanks for all the responses. Wow, you guys are great for taking the time!

 

I guess I need to read all of these responses over and over again to make sure it seeps in. I know that almost all of your perceptions have passed through my head in the past few days. I wasn't sure if it was just me being silly or if these are really a big deal. I feel kind of used at this point but mostly disappointed. I have been dating on and off for 5 years since I got divorced and was happy to meet someone who was pretty and I had so much in common with. But, I can't deal with the shady stuff.

 

The selfie was just unbelievable. It was so rude. I would never do that to someone. I think that was the turning point which brought me here. Like I almost didn't/don't trust myself dealing with that situation.

 

I guess you guys are right. She just sees me as someone to buy her dinner, beer, and... (well you know). Other than that, she is probably just waiting for something better.

 

It's all good though. I have survived a number of breakups and a divorce, so I am sure I can survive leaving a non-relationship thing.

[catfeeder]

I am getting older, already been divorced (ex-wife cheated and left me), and just looking for someone to have fun with in life.

 

Well, this one sounds like the opposite of 'someone to have fun with in life'. Rude and shady isn't fun for me, anyway. How about you?