kelmar Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 This is my first post and it's going to be a very long one: I was in a relationship for almost 5 years and it ended almost 2 months ago. He broke my heart and truthfully I'm still devastated. It started out with him telling me he found me "incredibly attractive" when we were 20. I was shocked! I had no idea he had any feelings for me, in all honesty I thought he didn't really enjoy my company when we would hang out with mutual friends. I was wrong though, he ended up telling me he had feelings for me after several months of knowing me. We got together after he told me how he felt and at first I wasn't sure how I felt. Over time I fell deeply and madly in love with him. Our relationship was far from perfect however, we were very passionate and would get into these crazy fights over only God knows what. It was like that our entire relationship. Couples fight, but at the end of the day we just wanted to make each other happy. Sometimes it was ugly, but it was real. It was young and inexperienced love. We lived together for 4 years. Slept next to each other almost every single night. Like I said, we had our ups and downs, but I thought we were in it for the long haul. We talked about marriage. Building an A-Frame cabin on a lot I own in the woods. He told me his darkest secrets and I told him mine. I knew him better than anyone and he knew me better than anyone. I was always there when he felt insecure about his status in this world. He's a hardworking, honest and humble man and I treasured him for that. I stuck with him through a lot of things- an arrest that got ugly with false accusations that ended up on our local news station, 3.5 years of joblessness, not having a car or drivers license and I rescued him from his horrible living situation after being together for a year. I brought him into my family's home for a year before we got our own place. Like I said, I'm not claiming things were perfect because they were not, but damn did we love each other for better or worse. He even stuck by my side through thyroid issues that caused me to gain quite a bit of weight. He always made me feel beautiful even though he knew how insecure I was about it. He was my very best friend. The break up blind sided me. It happened on a Wednesday morning, but I will admit that the weekend prior was strange. He wasn't around much and that was so unlike him. When I woke up on Wednesday I just had that feeling...I asked him "What's going on with us?" I was so shocked when he ended it that I don't really remember what he said. Something about holding me back from career and educational goals, followed by I can't take your negativity- it's not working and I don't want to try anymore. I asked him if there was someone else and he vehemently denied it. I would find out the next day he had started liking a younger girl that he works with at a restaurant. I was absolutely gutted. He had promised me that he would never do something like that to me, let alone leave me. I know he never cheated on me, but he took her out to dinner and a movie (something I'd been begging him to do with me for MONTHS) 10 hours after breaking up with me. I felt like this person I knew, dedicated myself to, was gone...he had become a complete stranger. I ran away to my parents house and called in sick to work that fateful day (actually, I ended up taking a 5 week paid hiatus because my employer is the absolute best and values my hard work). I took the 2 cats we had adopted together as he had no interest in taking care of them anymore. He packed up all my belongings for me (without my consent) a few days after the break up and told me he would be keeping the apartment because he had no where else to go. Seeing all my things in boxes in the corner of the room nearly killed me. The finality of it all rippled through me like a shock wave, hitting me in the softest parts of my heart. It was like being hit in the face with a steel pineapple. If you've read this then you're a saint. My heart is broken, but my spirit is not. I've got great friends and I know I will be okay because I truly understand that when it's over, it's over. I wouldn't trade the nearly 5 years we had together for anything, I just wish it hadn't happened...I just wish I could go home and make dinner for us and watch netflix, but I know I never will do those things with him again. Even though he hasn't said it, he doesn't love me anymore. I accept that what we had exists in a moment in time that does not carry into the present. All the memories, good and bad, will be with me forever and there are some pieces of myself that I've given to him that I can't get back. Break ups suck, but moving on doesn't have to. To anyone experiencing the heartache of being left for someone else or just being left for other reasons, my heart is with yours and I feel your pain. You are not alone in this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
student7 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Stay strong hun! It definitely will not be easy, it's a process but you'll see light at the end of the tunnel soon enough. Sending a hug your way! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Girl...I am so sorry. What a terrible end to your relationship. It sounds like he pulled a 180 on you and changed into someone you don't recognize. Two months isn't very long, in the grand scheme of things. You will need plenty more time to heal, and writing it out surely helps. When you feel sad, come here and chat. There are always people here, many who have similar stories. You certainly deserved more respect; ending a relationship is one thing, but doing so in the manner he did and casting you out of his life without discussing the logistics like an adult..well,you have learned something about his real nature here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Limiya Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Wow, what a read. I felt this. I've been there hun. Very similar. I'm not gonna lie, it's gonna hurt like hell for a while. Lots of questions and anger to deal with. It gets better though. You've got the right attitude right now. Keep busy with things you enjoy. Keep posting here. Hugs, Limiya Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 Unfortunately you became over-invested, over-dedicated, engaged in "rescuing" and mothering and this became an unequal relationship where you tried to fix him. Sadly when he was all fixed, he moved on to greener pastures. Excellent that you moved out, back to your parents and have good friends to talk to. Agree, you did not waste the 5 yrs in the sense that now you know the red flags to look for such as being broke or arrested or unemployed. Did you go no contact? We lived together for 4 years. I stuck with him through a lot of things- an arrest that got ugly with false accusations that ended up on our local news station, 3.5 years of joblessness, not having a car or drivers license and I rescued him from his horrible living situation after being together for a year. I brought him into my family's home for a year before we got our own place. He packed up all my belongings for me a few days after the break up and told me he would be keeping the apartment because he had no where else to go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kelmar Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 That's exactly what happened. I became more a mother than a girlfriend and I harbored resentment for all the things I did for him that he was either unable or unwilling to do for me. It was unbalanced and just too much. We worked really hard together to get him where he is now and it's so sad he doesn't want to share his best times with me. I haven't contacted him since mid September. Went 30 days without speaking. Now we're in low contact. I don't reach out to him and he doesn't really reach out to me. If he does reach out it's about the lease and switching over utilities, but nothing about us. He doesn't ever inquire about the cats we shared that he adored. One of our cats seems really depressed as he was very attached to my ex and that breaks my heart all over again. I did see him once at the apartment when I was getting the last of my stuff. He kept talking to me about the in's and out's of his daily life: What he ate for breakfast, how he's helping the couple upstairs winterize their windows, how he almost lost his job and had to get another one so now he has two jobs. Things didn't pan out with that girl from what I've gathered. He seems to be spending a lot of time at work and then at home watching TV. I hope he's doing okay, but I don't have to worry about him anymore and that feels good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kelmar Posted October 26, 2016 Author Share Posted October 26, 2016 Yeah he is such an odd bird...and he's one of those "nice guys" but that doesn't mean he is a "good guy" if you know what I mean. Thanks for your support! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hermes Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 K. So sorry you had this dismal experience. You are so right. Nice and good are not at all the same thing. There is a novel called "the Nice and the Good" by Iris Murdoch, which deals precisely with that difference. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfrankie1 Posted October 26, 2016 Share Posted October 26, 2016 You deserve better, let him deal with himself now and take care of yourself, you don't have to be anyone's mummy and you can find an equally supportive partner now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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