Timski Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 Hi everyone il try and make this short but basically my girlfriend who's 26 (I'm 25) broke up with me last week. It all started when we got back from holiday, yes we were only together 3 months so maybe a holiday was too soon but I don't think that was the problem. She said 2 days after we were back that she didn't want to be with anymore because I drank to much, she said she used to have a drink problem herself last year and said she didn't want to be around it. I'm not totally convinced that was the real answer for breaking up though, I told her I was really sorry and didn't know it was affecting her and gave up drinking straight away just to prove to her I didn't need it and really loved her and that she meant so much to me. But now and couple of weeks later she's having none of it and won't let me prove myself, I tried the no contact rule but could only manage 4 days after contacting her last night to see if I could go round and chat to her for a minute but she just went off on one and said leave me alone we're finished After speaking to her family (which really love me) they said she keeps saying she just wants to be on her own, and there so sorry she's hurt me like this and they're embarrassed. They've said I've done nothing wrong and just to ignore what she's saying, I just can't get my head round why she didn't give me a second chance, I know everyone makes mistakes but if she really liked me that much she would of stayed and supported me with not drinking. I know she has had bad past relationships with guys beating her and cheating on her that's why she's on anti depressants but I am the total opposite and like her family said "im like a breath of fresh air to her" and I'm the first decent lad shes brought home. I'm trying to let go now but I love her so much, but there's nothing else I can do? Could anybody shed some light on what they think please?? Many thanks.... Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 Whatever happened on the holiday, it seems she changed her mind about you. Not much you can do about it. After dating only 3 months I wouldn't expend too much energy on trying to get back together again. Thankfully there wasn't much time invested here which makes it a lot easier to move on. Link to comment
Timski Posted October 25, 2016 Author Share Posted October 25, 2016 Whatever happened on the holiday, it seems she changed her mind about you. Not much you can do about it. After dating only 3 months I wouldn't expend too much energy on trying to get back together again. Thankfully there wasn't much time invested here which makes it a lot easier to move on. Thanks fo your reply Capricorn, I see what your saying but it just not that simple for me to move on, so much happened in those 3 months that it felt like we was together for years ! We just clicked yanoe, it's the first ever girlfriend I've had when both our families got on as well, just seems so much to throw away what we built together. There just seems like no light at the end of the tunnel at the moment Link to comment
j.man Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 You didn't build anything. You were together all of three months. She's had drinking problems in the past and whether or not anyone else thinks you do, she is asserting her distance for her own good. Time to move on. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 How much do you drink, OP? Did something specific happen on holiday that she wasn't comfortable with? In any case, nobody is necessarily entitled to a second chance. You may have felt she should have stayed and supported you, but she obviously doesn't agree. Three months isn't very long and if she saw incompatibilities, she's smart to end it now. There isn't much you can but respect her decision and move on. Don't contact her family anymore, either. It's not their place to tell you what she is or isn't saying about you. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 Don't ever assume everyone will feel the need to give you a second chance. Often times people have their own demons, past experiences, fears, insecurities, and walls and those things prohibit their ability to give second chances. Link to comment
Timski Posted October 25, 2016 Author Share Posted October 25, 2016 How much do you drink, OP? Did something specific happen on holiday that she wasn't comfortable with? In any case, nobody is necessarily entitled to a second chance. You may have felt she should have stayed and supported you, but she obviously doesn't agree. Three months isn't very long and if she saw incompatibilities, she's smart to end it now. There isn't much you can but respect her decision and move on. Don't contact her family anymore, either. It's not their place to tell you what she is or isn't saying about you. I used to drink 3 maybe 4 cans of lager when I got in from work, just a bad habbit I slipped into really, I wouldn't call myself an alcoholic though. Nothing specifically happened on holiday she just said she couldn't be doing with me drinking all the time, like a lot of people said to me though what should that matter? You was on holiday, it's not like I was forcing it on her or anything. She hardly even mentioned anything about it either till we got home else I would of done something about it sooner... Link to comment
Timski Posted October 25, 2016 Author Share Posted October 25, 2016 Thanks Edmund, yeh I think your right, her past experiences aren't on my side either which probably explains why I'm not getting a second chance Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 I used to drink 3 maybe 4 cans of lager when I got in from work, just a bad habbit I slipped into really, I wouldn't call myself an alcoholic though. Nothing specifically happened on holiday she just said she couldn't be doing with me drinking all the time, like a lot of people said to me though what should that matter? You was on holiday, it's not like I was forcing it on her or anything. She hardly even mentioned anything about it either till we got home else I would of done something about it sooner... This tells me you lack insight into your own habit. This wasn't just when you were on holiday. You said after work you're drinking 3-4 beers. For someone who has struggled with alcohol in the past, it does matter to her. And you (or your friends) are missing the point when you say you weren't forcing it on her. The problem is that she doesn't wish to be around someone who has a habit, let alone drink it herself. She knows it's not a healthy choice for her to be with someone who drinks regularly. Instead of trying to change you or tell you what to do, she made the better choice of going her separate way. Link to comment
Timski Posted October 25, 2016 Author Share Posted October 25, 2016 This tells me you lack insight into your own habit. This wasn't just when you were on holiday. You said after work you're drinking 3-4 beers. For someone who has struggled with alcohol in the past, it does matter to her. And you (or your friends) are missing the point when you say you weren't forcing it on her. The problem is that she doesn't wish to be around someone who has a habit, let alone drink it herself. She knows it's not a healthy choice for her to be with someone who drinks regularly. Instead of trying to change you or tell you what to do, she made the better choice of going her separate way. Thanks yeh I see where your coming from, I just wished I would have seen and done something about it sooner now, I guess you learn from your mistakes in life but this is a just really painful one for me Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 Unfortunately this sounds like the real reason for her personally. 3 mos of dating is the get to know you, observation stage so she doesn't have to try to change or fix you, only determine if you two are compatible and given her objection to drinkers she determined you weren't. Next time date people who are more on board with drinking. Did you notice in those 3 mos that she didn't drink or enjoy it? She never said anything?she didn't want to be with anymore because I drank to much, she said she used to have a drink problem herself last year and said she didn't want to be around it. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 3 months in, she saw major incompatibilities and had the decency to leave you. As always, when someone decides to leave you, there are usually many more reasons than just one or two. Either way, she doesn't owe you chances or explanations. She has determined that you are not suitable for her and that's that. Whatever and whoever she is looking for, you are not it and the only decent thing you can do here is accept it. Also, do not contact her family - it's really inappropriate and bordering on harassment. The fact is that they don't really care about you. You are just some guy their daughter was dating, so they were nice to you, now she dumped you, you need to move along and quit bothering them. All you are doing is embarrassing yourself with that kind of behavior. Don't ever again in your life go to the girl's family whining about being dumped. Link to comment
Timski Posted October 25, 2016 Author Share Posted October 25, 2016 Unfortunately this sounds like the real reason for her personally. 3 mos of dating is the get to know you, observation stage so she doesn't have to try to change or fix you, only determine if you two are compatible and given her objection to drinkers she determined you weren't. Next time date people who are more on board with drinking. Did you notice in those 3 mos that she didn't drink or enjoy it? She never said anything? No that's I mean wiseman she didn't even give me any incline, if I knew it was bothering her I wouldn't of done it ! She did drink, she'd have the odd one in the week and every weekend, we even had nights together drunk as well so it's not like she was tottaly against it?? Link to comment
boltnrun Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 No that's I mean wiseman she didn't even give me any incline, if I knew it was bothering her I wouldn't of done it ! She did drink, she'd have the odd one in the week and every weekend, we even had nights together drunk as well so it's not like she was tottaly against it?? But this is endangering her. With you, she was slipping back into a pattern of drinking, which for someone with a drinking problem is a huge risk and very dangerous. She (wisely) realized that staying with you endangered her sobriety. And, instead of insisting you give up your 3-4 nightly pints (!), she chose to walk away. And in my opinion, she made the right choice. So, I recommend back to no contact and move on. Link to comment
Timski Posted October 25, 2016 Author Share Posted October 25, 2016 But this is endangering her. With you, she was slipping back into a pattern of drinking, which for someone with a drinking problem is a huge risk and very dangerous. She (wisely) realized that staying with you endangered her sobriety. And, instead of insisting you give up your 3-4 nightly pints (!), she chose to walk away. And in my opinion, she made the right choice. So, I recommend back to no contact and move on. Thank you for your input boltnrun Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted October 25, 2016 Share Posted October 25, 2016 Agree. It seems like she realized with you, she would slip back into drinking. That's just incompatibility. Best to be apart. Link to comment
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