Reconcilliation hope. After we have reconciled twice before

[Emma0793]

Hi.

I was with my ex for 5 years. We was together for two years broke up for two month was together for two more years broke up for two months. We then got back together for one year and have been been broken up for nearly two months . I went to meet him yesterday to get my stuff but he seemed cold is there anything i can do ? Or just accept its over for good. We had been NC For 5 weeks he asked to meet me to give me my stuff.

[AvaD21]

It sounds like he's done Emma. If he's gone cold it's cause he's moving on with his life hence why he wanted you to get your stuff back. Don't lower yourself to try to win him round, move on with your life, if it's broken twice before there's not much to say it will change this time

[Emma0793]

Hi but i told him to give it to his mum which he could have done anytime but he made excuses.

[Emma0793]

It was stuff i didnt realise was missing hoodie t shirt nothing important

[Wiseman2]

Are you sure you even want to hop back on this on/off treadmill? It seems to be going nowhere and causing too much wear and tear.

 

It would be best to take this opportunity to reflect on what you want in a relationship. Stay no contact and try to heal and finally move on.

 

On/off relationships are generally full of chronically unresolved conflicts and incompatibilities and people only get back together because they are lonely or miss sex or being in a relationship. On/off is also an excuse to cheat during the off times.

I went to meet him yesterday to get my stuff but he seemed cold is there anything i can do ? Or just accept its over for good.

[Emma0793]

Are you sure you even want to hop back on this on/off treadmill? It seems to be going nowhere and causing too much wear and tear.

 

It would be best to take this opportunity to reflect on what you want in a relationship. Stay no contact and try to heal and finally move on.

 

On/off relationships are generally full of chronically unresolved conflicts and incompatibilities and people only get back together because they are lonely or miss sex or being in a relationship. On/off is also an excuse to cheat during the off times.

 

 

Thanks for the advice.

[No1]

You know Emma.. Spoiled milk doesnt get better by putting it back in the fridge. Youve smelled this spoiled milk twice and thought, it will be better next time I smell it. It wont get better. There is a reason why you two are not together.

Time to let this one go.. go find some fresh milk

[MusicWarrior]

If you want him go get your man!

[foolish1985]

He did not give the things to his mother because he just wanted to see you. It is completely normal. Unless you have reached the point at which you just can't stand each other, you will have a place in his heart and so will he in yours. This is nothing to go by though. It's just temporary emotions. It just goes to show that at some point, you had pleasant memories with this person. You can't just forget someone MIB style.

 

In my experience, on/off relationships always end up "off" in the end. If two people need to be "off" in order to resolve a conflict or the fact that they are bored, those people (or at least one of them), can not communicate properly and try to fix the issues in the relationship. This is not a good character trait that one would look for in a life-long partner. It also suggests fear. Also not a good character trait.

 

If you feel like you WANT to do something, because you are feeling uneasy and it just bothers you - do it. I would. But be prepared that there is a high chance for it to not go the way you hope.

 

I personally would not bother salvaging this relationship at this point, but it is always easier to give advice when you are not part of the situation and we all know that.

 

Do you have any concerns about this situation? Reasons why you would want to do it (try salvage again) or reasons why you are reluctant to?

[Emma0793]

He did not give the things to his mother because he just wanted to see you. It is completely normal. Unless you have reached the point at which you just can't stand each other, you will have a place in his heart and so will he in yours. This is nothing to go by though. It's just temporary emotions. It just goes to show that at some point, you had pleasant memories with this person. You can't just forget someone MIB style.

 

In my experience, on/off relationships always end up "off" in the end. If two people need to be "off" in order to resolve a conflict or the fact that they are bored, those people (or at least one of them), can not communicate properly and try to fix the issues in the relationship. This is not a good character trait that one would look for in a life-long partner. It also suggests fear. Also not a good character trait.

 

If you feel like you WANT to do something, because you are feeling uneasy and it just bothers you - do it. I would. But be prepared that there is a high chance for it to not go the way you hope.

 

I personally would not bother salvaging this relationship at this point, but it is always easier to give advice when you are not part of the situation and we all know that.

 

Do you have any concerns about this situation? Reasons why you would want to do it (try salvage again) or reasons why you are reluctant to?

 

Hey. Thanks for the response.

When he messaged me about my stuff i said i was busy and said leave it in the shed i will probably get it next week. I messaged him a week and a half later we met. I asked about his family he told me his mum nd grandad might both have cancer he asked how i was and quickly said i gotta go. It was weird . But our breakup was the worst yet. Could he still be angry ? Maybe he wanted to meet to act cold on purpose ?

 

Its made me feel worse seeing him again. I really love him i think i will always hope we can work things out i was so close to his mum as well . I can honestly say this breakup was my fault as i was meant to move in with him but was acting cold for like a month. He begged me to change. I just really regret it. Grass is not greener. But hes been the dumper three times now. Think i have just got to accept it now. Im just not happy at all he was such a big part of my life i feel kind of lost with out him. It hurts to think of him with someone else . But i respect his decision. I dont bother him.

[foolish1985]

Well, this all doesn't really matter. He may have had 100 reasons to act like that. It's not necessarily connected to you. I don't think that he would ask you to meet so he could act cold. How petty is this?! Also, I would bet that his feelings are hot and cold right now, so even if he felt like it at some point and invited you so he can act like an a**, he may not have felt like it by the time you actually got there.

 

Regret is a b**ch, especially if you feel that it is somehow (or mainly) your fault. You have to realize that it's not only your fault. It's both of you. You had reasons to act cold. He acted on those actions in an incorrect way and pushed you further (I am speculating). You then reacted to his actions and you found yourself in a downward spiral.

 

Why did he break it up three times afterward? Not because you did not want to move in with him at the time I would guess. How big of a deal can this one action be anyway? You did whatever you felt is right. You can't blame yourself forever for this.

 

Even if you want to work things out, you need to let go. Grass may be greener on the other side, you never know. You are currently influenced by emotions and can not think straight about the color saturation of the grass. You find your purpose in that one person and this is not the right way to go about this. Any relationship where one of both parties is heavily reliant on the other is doomed from the start. It may be 2 years, it may be 20, but things escalate after time if the dependency does not change.

 

Don't take mine or anyone else's word as set in stone. You are your own person and have by far the best experience of all, when this relationship is concerned. Just know that not doing anything right now, is the least painful way to go. If you decide to act, you have to be prepared to be disappointed and suffer emotionally.

 

People change and learn through pain. This may be your life lesson to learn. And afterward, when you emerge a new person, you may not even want him anymore. If you do - go ahead and explore the options. But don't live your life waiting for the moment when "enough time has passed", because this will not work. You have to genuinely realize that this chapter of your life is closed.

[Emma0793]

Well, this all doesn't really matter. He may have had 100 reasons to act like that. It's not necessarily connected to you. I don't think that he would ask you to meet so he could act cold. How petty is this?! Also, I would bet that his feelings are hot and cold right now, so even if he felt like it at some point and invited you so he can act like an a**, he may not have felt like it by the time you actually got there.

 

Regret is a b**ch, especially if you feel that it is somehow (or mainly) your fault. You have to realize that it's not only your fault. It's both of you. You had reasons to act cold. He acted on those actions in an incorrect way and pushed you further (I am speculating). You then reacted to his actions and you found yourself in a downward spiral.

 

Why did he break it up three times afterward? Not because you did not want to move in with him at the time I would guess. How big of a deal can this one action be anyway? You did whatever you felt is right. You can't blame yourself forever for this.

 

Even if you want to work things out, you need to let go. Grass may be greener on the other side, you never know. You are currently influenced by emotions and can not think straight about the color saturation of the grass. You find your purpose in that one person and this is not the right way to go about this. Any relationship where one of both parties is heavily reliant on the other is doomed from the start. It may be 2 years, it may be 20, but things escalate after time if the dependency does not change.

 

Don't take mine or anyone else's word as set in stone. You are your own person and have by far the best experience of all, when this relationship is concerned. Just know that not doing anything right now, is the least painful way to go. If you decide to act, you have to be prepared to be disappointed and suffer emotionally.

 

People change and learn through pain. This may be your life lesson to learn. And afterward, when you emerge a new person, you may not even want him anymore. If you do - go ahead and explore the options. But don't live your life waiting for the moment when "enough time has passed", because this will not work. You have to genuinely realize that this chapter of your life is closed.

 

Thanks. This time we broke up because he could tell i was not sure of moving in and was being off with him. For a month. I sent him one text after saying sorry etc etc wish u the best then went NC wasnt expecting to hear from him tbh but he messaged bout the stuff. I have accepted it i guess there is nothing i can do . Just such a big change. Thanks xx