Girlfriends good guy friend

[Believeland]

Hi, I'll try and keep this short. Last week me and gf went to sports bar and we met one of her guy friends there. They have been friends since preschool so are pretty close. He is married and has kids. He was pretty drunk we were watching the football game so everyone was drinking. Well he slapped my girlfriends butt, and later kind of flicked her boob. It was in a playful type, drunk type of thing, where there between friends stuff like that happens. It wasn't romantic or sexual, prob something he does, more like brother sister type thing. Well I didn't say anything to the guy, I thought it was just a harmless thing, though I was getting a little pissed, gf could tell. She wasn't reciprocating anything to her friend. Next morning it was still bothering me so I talked to her, basically saying if this kind of stuff happens then it will be a problem between us. She texted her friend telling him how I felt and was disrepectful, etc. I don't know exactly what She texted but that's what she told me. She felt pretty bad about it, she knew I was pissed about it. I know she loves me, I love her, but this just has kind of been bothering me this week. I'm upset with myself for not saying anything to the guy, though didn't want to cause a scene with my girlfriends friends. I realize that was the wrong move. Am I being insecure? I know they don't have anything going on between them, I've asked her before if they ever were together and she said no. I find it hard to believe nothing has happened between them in 30 years. Anyone have opinions on the situation?

[Wiseman2]

You handled it well by speaking with her calmly afterward and she handled it well by communicating directly with him about it. No insecurity at all, just setting the boundaries that all couples dating need to do.

[JaggerJim]

You handled well by speaking with her calmly afterward and she handled well by communicating directly with him about it. No insecurity at all just setting the boundaries that all couples dating need to do.

 

I also agree. You did the right thing not doing anything at the bar to that guy. That's a cool move. At least your g/friend knows when you too go out together your not going to lose your cool.

[Believeland]

Thanks for the replies, I felt disrespected and the next day regret not saying anything to him, I think maybe that's what's eating me up the most, I told her I didn't like him, he was being obnoxious just in general and was drunk. She was upset at first after I told her everything and didn't talk to me for a few hours, but then she felt bad about it.

[BlarneyStone]

Even if he was drunk, I'm trying to picture a context where he thought that was appropriate to do, assuming he knew you were her boyfriend. Seriously, alcohol or not, how do you not know to not do that?

[reinventmyself]

I think you handled it correctly. There are other options but starting at a lower level might just nip it in the bud.

If it continues then you can consider what your options are and escalate it.

 

But the way, it's not ok. I am all about having friends of the opposite sex but his actions are disrespectful and inappropriate to her and you.

If he's decent he'll apologize once he sobers up. . but I wouldn't count on it.

[Believeland]

I know it's not ok. I'm guessing he didn't care of it was ok, given that he was drunk. I really hope that situatuon comes up with him around. I rarely see him though. I am really fighting the urge to look at her phone when she texted him the next day about it to see what he said. I know it doesn't matter really what he said after, but just kind of digging at me.

[Believeland]

Oh and the next day I did have some thoughts of I should have knocked him out of his chair, part of me wishes I did, but looking back wouldn't be the best idea.

[notalady]

Oh and the next day I did have some thoughts of I should have knocked him out of his chair, part of me wishes I did, but looking back wouldn't be the best idea.

 

If it was me, I wouldn't date a guy who act out in impulse and knock a guy out, unless it's out of self defence, but that's just me.

 

I think you did the right thing.

[ChrisBoles]

You made the appropriate decision in not getting confrontational with the guy. I get very territorial in situations like that and often lack the restraint you showed that night. So know you handled it well. If his intentions are only that of a close friend he shouldn't be so touchy next time around, drunk or sober. I wouldn't go snooping through her phone as it shows insecurity and distrust on your part. Best case scenario everything is business as usual again. Worst case scenario being when things don't return to business as usual. Take note of any sudden strange changes in her behavior when you're around. Those are potential red flags to keep in mind. Otherwise, don't stress it.

[Believeland]

After that she has been, I don't know, more affectionate maybe, kind of nicer, or closer maybe. Don't know if she feels bad, or what. I don't know. She has been married once before, her husband left for another woman, she said the marriage was going downhill, he did this and that, only heard her side of the story though. I'd like to talk to him for a reference lol. I know she has been the partier in the past, that worried me a little. I just bought a ring but haven't asked her yet, and she is getting anxious to get married and have kids

[Wiseman2]

Congrats! It seems this guy now knows the boundaries of friends.

I just bought a ring but haven't asked her yet, and she is getting anxious to get married and have kids