Jump to content

Sex related issues.

Recommended Posts

My fiancée and I, (we are lesbians) and I have been together almost a year now... for the most part we have a healthy relationship. Just some background info... I cheated on her in the beginning of our relationship like an idiot. I've busted my ass doing everything I can to prove to her that I'm faithful and will not be untrue to her again... and I haven't. She recently asked me to marry her, of course I said yes. But only one problem, we have no sex life. I've ruined it for her she says. By cheating on her over a year ago, I get no affection from her. Nothing. CAnt hold her hand,kiss her, anything... I don't want to be pushy... but I did bring it up tonight. We were laying in bed and she asked for the vibrator to put herself to sleep... and told me to not touch her, but to pretend to make noises for her. I don't think she realizes how much that hurts me. I understand that I hurt her... but am I wrong to want affection? Or to be involved? Am I wrong to want to leave the past behind us? And for it not to be brought up every day? I love her, so much... and I feel like daily because of what I did to her. She still brings it up, or calls me a hoe, or a . I'm an emotional wreck and I feel like a ticking time bomb. Help.

Link to comment

While I am the first to say that sex isn't the only thing in a relationship, it seems clear to me that this isn't a thing about sex, it is about her not getting over you earlier cheating. Some people can never move on from a betrayal, and I suppose that is their right, after all, they were cheated on.


Unfortunately... imho, this relationship is not right for you. She has taken up a stance that you are "unclean" because you cheated. If it has already been a year I would suggest this is unlikely to change. Not only will she continue to refuse you sex, she will use your former betrayal as a stick to beat you with . It will be brought up in future arguments, and she may even in the future use it as an excuse to cheat on you.


This is about her having power over you. She knows you love her ( else you wouldn't have stayed so long without sex ) , and she is using this to get what she wants, and on her terms. It isn't healthy for a long term relationship, and I would suggest marriage is not a good idea if you can't sort this out.


Whatever you decide, good luck.

Link to comment

Yes being cheated on is bad and you have betrayed her trust. But if she feels so strongly about that, she should leave you. I would not agree to marry her if she cannot forgive you. This is not a healthy relationship and you have to think long term. Can you marry her and live this way for the rest of your life? I hope the answer is NO WAY!!


First she is playing games with you and punishing you for the betrayal. She won't give you affection or sex, but asks you to marry her? Why would she want to marry you, she can't forgive you and move on and give you what you need. You both need to talk this out and get on the same page. Maybe go to a therapist and get some help. Otherwise, I would walk away and find someone who loves you and will reciprocate.

Link to comment

Why is she proposing to someone who has ruined sex for her and she calls abusive things? You two need to decide whether this is a passive aggressive way of expressing unfinished hurt or whether she genuinely wants to be with you for the right reasons but is having a sexual or emotional difficulty. In other words, is a proposal an unconscious tool (like a crumble) to keep you in this dynamic so that she can act out or is this a genuine wish to stay together without acting out. What are your boundaries about how you wish to be treated even if you did something that hurt someone badly? (You are still entitled to basic respect if they are carrying on with you.) I would resolve these in front of a counsellor if possible without stepping into marriage and it is not a sin or a great betrayal to have this wish even if you have said yes. This is not a speak now or keep silent forever situation. You are not married or anything yet.

Link to comment
It is a living hell at the moment. Everyday I "take care of myself" and it sucks...bad. I'm over it. I know she is hormonal and stressed about work and trying to conceive. But I don't want to be a punching bag.



she is trying to conceive ??




Do not get into a marriage when your fiancee doesn''t trust you, and certainly you shouldn't be trying to bring a baby into this world under these circumstances

Link to comment

It sounds like she only keeps you around to punish you in a bizarre cut off her nose to spite her face type of way.

we have no sex life.We were laying in bed and she asked for the vibrator to put herself to sleep... and told me to not touch her, but to pretend to make noises for her..
Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...