xor90 Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 My bf is probably going to stay up until 2 a.m playing an FPS this week. I usually have no problem with this, but he has work early in the morning plus an extremely important interview for the career of his dreams directly after, so there's no chance of him catching sleep during the day. He hasn't gotten any sleep this week so staying up late tonight would be really bad. If he stays up, I know that he going to feel like absolute crap in the morning for not sleeping or preparing for the interview. What do I say to get him to log off early tonight? Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 My bf is probably going to stay up until 2 a.m playing an FPS this week. I usually have no problem with this, but he has work early in the morning plus an extremely important interview for the career of his dreams directly after, so there's no chance of him catching sleep during the day. He hasn't gotten any sleep this week so staying up late tonight would be really bad. If he stays up, I know that he going to feel like absolute crap in the morning for not sleeping or preparing for the interview. What do I say to get him to log off early tonight? You say nothing. Nada. Zilch. You are not his mother. I am assuming he's a grown man. An adult. And if so, HE is responsible for his own actions and if he can't even manage his time in a more constructive way, when he knows he has an important interview coming up "for the career of his dreams", then I am sorry, but he deserves to burn. Link to comment
JaggerJim Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 "Please be in bed by 10pm because you have work tomorrow, and a very important interview scheduled straight after for the career of your dreams". Link to comment
xor90 Posted October 21, 2016 Author Share Posted October 21, 2016 You say nothing. Nada. Zilch. You are not his mother. I am assuming he's a grown man. An adult. And if so, HE is responsible for his own actions and if he can't even manage his time in a more constructive way, when he knows he has an important interview coming up "for the career of his dreams", then I am sorry, but he deserves to burn. When you care about someone, you tend to refuse to let that happen by doing nothing. Thanks for your input anyway. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 What do I say to get him to log off early tonight? ^ "Sleep tight." He's an adult, and if he can't figure this out on his own, you're in for a long drive. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 When you care about someone, you tend to refuse to let that happen by doing nothing. Thanks for your input anyway. You're missing the point entirely. Can you imagine a future with this guy, being married to him, if he can't even take responsibility for his own actions? Do you vision yourself mothering him every step of the way, telling him what to do, when to do it, when to go to bed, etc etc? He has to learn to take care of himself, one way or the other, but if you feel this is the way to go, then hey, go for it! Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 You can only say something once because nagging is the worst thing you can do. "Hey sweetie, I'm headed to bed. Please know I love you so much and I just want the best for you. I would love for you to join me so that tomorrow goes great for you. Good night" Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 I agree with the others - don't nag or mother him. He's an adult, he can manage his schedule. If he is dead exhausted and bombs the interview, then he'll learn a lesson about going to sleep at night. Or maybe he'll be exhausted and will still be good in the interview. just wish him well and go to bed. Link to comment
Rising100 Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 Well sorry to disagree with everyone here. But I understand you care about him, however you dont want to mother him. So go up to him, this will only take one minute. And tell him that you care about him, you just want to remind him about his big day tomorrow and that you care but you will not tell him what to do or interfere. Just tell him to remember, thats all. A caring way to express yourself and thats it. The rest is up to him. You did your part. Link to comment
j.man Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 It's not about nagging him out of "love" because you think he's making a bad decision and is going to **** up. It's about respecting him enough to assume he knows what's best for himself. The former is completely infantilizing. I don't sleep well before big days. Never have and likely never will. What little sleep I do get is thanks to me exhausting my mental stimulation quicker through other means than if I were to sit in bed and let my mind wander tirelessly. Video games have been included among those other means. Unless you two share a kid and you're consequently financially dependent on him and he's dropped the ball before due to a lack of sleep, you'd be out of line coaching him on his own body needs. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 He's an adult, and it's time for him to act like one. You are not his mother! It's time for him to grow up! Link to comment
Snny Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 Yea... him stay in up with video games and neglecting other responsibilities is a very troubling sign on what will come. Don't ignore it. I've dated/married a gamer. We've met through video games. We've have arguments over his gaming habits that affected him from getting good grades in school and not applying for a job. I broke up with him for a year because he was choosing video games over finishing school. I was extremely lucky that breaking up snapped him back that he restricted his gaming time, quit online gaming and finished medical school with two degrees. We got back together on the month before his graduation. He tried slinking back into it after graduating and not look for a job that I threatened to end our engagement. He now works a very well paying job and has been very responsible... but it wasn't easy getting him to that point. And it's not like his parents could be on him because they live in a foreign country. He still games now and watches gaming tournaments here and there, but not as much as he did in college. I respect him using that as his own private time, and it doesn't take over our intimate time or his work life. I also play games too. Like I said, I got extremely lucky to have a husband be able to break from the gaming addiction. Unfortunately I've known couples who have lost relationships or have got divorces because a spouse was too addicted to video games and would neglect household/work responsibilities. You don't have time to play WoW, CounterStrike, Final Fantasy, etc. when you got kids to take care of. This is something you really need to consider in the long term because this habit can get worse and jeopardize your relationship. Speaking from actual experience here. I fear we might be seeing more people with game addictions now that ESPN airs fighting game tournaments. I wish I was kidding. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 You can only say something once because nagging is the worst thing you can do. "Hey sweetie, I'm headed to bed. Please know I love you so much and I just want the best for you. I would love for you to join me so that tomorrow goes great for you. Good night" Wait a second, join her in bed? Isn't this a cyber RL? Thread is posted in "Cyber Relationship" section so presume it is. Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 Wait a second, join her in bed? Isn't this a cyber RL? Thread is posted in "Cyber Relationship" section so presume it is. Well maybe, but the point stays the same. I didn't check the forum home. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 Well maybe, but the point stays the same. I didn't check the forum home. JMO but I think the point is.... since their entire "interaction" is taking place on line, I wouldn't even call it a "relationship." Regardless of how she wishes to conduct herself in relationships, mothering or babying her men, this ISN'T a real RL and therefore she has no business even suggesting when he should go to bed, or anything else for that matter. He is a grown man, he doesn't need her to tell him how to live his life.... especially since he lives hundreds or maybe even thousands of miles away. If she's not happy with the way he handles his life, then she should walk away.... and ideally look for a guy who lives locally so she can have a real and genuine relationship, not an "interaction" conducted solely on line. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted October 22, 2016 Share Posted October 22, 2016 He's a big boy, OP. I'm quite sure he doesn't need a reminder that he has a big day. Wish him well in his interview. And leave it at that. If he messes up his big chance, that's on him. Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted October 22, 2016 Share Posted October 22, 2016 My bf is probably going to stay up until 2 a.m playing an FPS this week. I usually have no problem with this, but he has work early in the morning plus an extremely important interview for the career of his dreams directly after, so there's no chance of him catching sleep during the day. He hasn't gotten any sleep this week so staying up late tonight would be really bad. If he stays up, I know that he going to feel like absolute crap in the morning for not sleeping or preparing for the interview. What do I say to get him to log off early tonight? It sounds like he is setting himself up for failure with the new job interview. If he was really on fire for the "career of his dreams" he would be taking steps to be properly prepared. Not your job to police him but take a closer look at him and see if you really have a slacker game boy in disguise. Link to comment
xor90 Posted November 1, 2016 Author Share Posted November 1, 2016 Thanks for your advice everyone! Also as katrina1980 pointed out, I accidentally posted in the wrong category. It's an LDR not a cyber relationship haha. I was surprised at the number of people commenting saying that gaming until the morning hours was a huge red flag, and it was good to keep in mind. I was just looking for a few choice words to get him to log off for the night. He was simply stressed out about it all week and as a result just distracted himself with games until exhaustion lol. Everything worked out even better than expected. Got him to get some sleep a few hours before his usual time, so he wouldn't miss his phone call in the morning. He was contacted directly by the chief executive first thing in the morning and basically bypassed HR. He was practically hired on the spot. Thanks again for everyone's support and advice Link to comment
annie24 Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 Yay, glad he got the job!!!!!!!! Link to comment
Snny Posted November 1, 2016 Share Posted November 1, 2016 Thanks for your advice everyone! Also as katrina1980 pointed out, I accidentally posted in the wrong category. It's an LDR not a cyber relationship haha. I was surprised at the number of people commenting saying that gaming until the morning hours was a huge red flag, and it was good to keep in mind. I was just looking for a few choice words to get him to log off for the night. He was simply stressed out about it all week and as a result just distracted himself with games until exhaustion lol. Everything worked out even better than expected. Got him to get some sleep a few hours before his usual time, so he wouldn't miss his phone call in the morning. He was contacted directly by the chief executive first thing in the morning and basically bypassed HR. He was practically hired on the spot. Thanks again for everyone's support and advice Awesome news. Still, I would keep an eye on how much he game. A job doesn't always make you quit an addiction. Link to comment
qwaspolk82 Posted November 10, 2016 Share Posted November 10, 2016 When you care about someone, you tend to refuse to let that happen by doing nothing. Thanks for your input anyway. It's not your job to manage his life. But if you would like to be his defacto mother go ahead and tell him to go to bed at a certain time. I'm pretty sure it won't go as well as you think. If it's HIS career let HIM manage it. Are you going to manage the rest of his life for him? Actually when you love or care about someone you don't enable them or babysit them. You let them make their own mistakes so they learn. Link to comment
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