Sarah3000 Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 My friend and myself live in an area where everyone knows everyone kind of thing, she is quite well known in the area whereas myself less so...anyways i went out with her last friday and she looked lovely and got all the male attention and i literally sat next to her "like the fat ugly friend" was so embarasing and did nothing for my self esteem... We move onto another place and these guys again make reference to my friend and (say it to her face) that she is so fit and again me left out I would say she has that "hotter" look compared to me, she wears tighter skimpier clothing and yes has a better body than me. On both occasions though when these men were flocking they had made reference to her sleeping with someone they knew and one of there mates, yet still pursued her...? Now i have found out that a guy i used to hook up with when i was a teenager many years ago and my life choices wasnt as good,has added my friend to facebook and started liking all her pictures, it feels like an ex boyfriend is doing this even though technically he wasnt i just liked him alot and we hooked up for a few years so i just find it weird he is ignoring me and on her now She does have abit of a reputation where i live but this doesnt seem To stop them? And yes she is fairly attractive so i do get jealous as i do not get the same attention and yet i wish i did? I have matured so much so where i wouldnt behave how she does but i would still like the attention she has and i feel bad for being jealous ? Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 Are there other friends you can go out with and are there other places you can go? Do you feel like your in her shadow? Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 I am not sure if there is a question here or if this is just rhetorical. There will always be someone prettier. Prettier then her even. It's a waste of time comparing yourself to others. Link to comment
Jibralta Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 Maybe you should stop going out with her. Make her your shopping buddy or something. You can't change what's happening, but you don't have to torture yourself by being there to see it. Find some other friends to go out with. Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 Oh sarah I think the best of us would have a little twinge of insecurity on some level if we where the ones always left standing , you are only human and it is nice to feel attractive and wanted on some level . But it is what it is .. they are physically attracted to her , it is all superficial and there is nothing you can do about it . Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 What are you looking for when you go out? Maybe to meet a nice guy to have a relationship with? Just a fun girls night out and to get some attention/ flirt? She's your friend. She is known for going for a lot of casual sex and she's attractive. Yes, guys will flock and give her attention. Honestly though, it shouldn't impact YOUR self esteem. She's doing her thing, you are saying you are done with casual hook ups now?! So the kind of attention she is getting isn't relevant to you, is it? I'm sensing you are not as ready to let go off 'the old life' as you wish you were. You still really care if these guys see you as a hot quick shag. See what I'm saying? You can have that if you want... But do you? Link to comment
moodindigo91 Posted October 20, 2016 Share Posted October 20, 2016 For lack of a better word, your friend sounds very "promiscuous." Of course her promiscuity isn't going to stop these men from pursuing her, in fact, her promiscuity is probably the reason why they are pursuing her. She's wearing tight clothes, and showing off her body this is her element. Men will chase women like her because they might have a slim chance of getting laid, especially if she has a reputation for being promiscuous. Here's the thing you ought to remember though, the guys chasing her and giving her attention are doing it just to get laid. They want to add another to the list. There isn't any substance there or real attraction to her person. It's purely physical. If that's not your thing, you should find new friends to hang out with that are more on your level of maturity. Link to comment
Lisii Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 For lack of a better word, your friend sounds very "promiscuous." Of course her promiscuity isn't going to stop these men from pursuing her, in fact, her promiscuity is probably the reason why they are pursuing her. She's wearing tight clothes, and showing off her body this is her element. Men will chase women like her because they might have a slim chance of getting laid, especially if she has a reputation for being promiscuous. Here's the thing you ought to remember though, the guys chasing her and giving her attention are doing it just to get laid. They want to add another to the list. There isn't any substance there or real attraction to her person. It's purely physical. If that's not your thing, you should find new friends to hang out with that are more on your level of maturity. Yes, Be happy that you can hold your head up high for holding onto your morals or values. Your friends popularity is not for her personality it's solely based on her looks and how much she puts out - that could become soul destroying for her later on. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 Bit of a double standard going on here. Guys are chasing HER, trying to hook up with HER. So, THOSE GUYS should be the ones called "promiscuous," "focused solely on looks," etc. Instead of clawing at the friend for doin' her sexy thing, reconsider what men you want and how you search for them. Link to comment
j.man Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 Well if I want to be seen as hot ****, I'm certainly not gonna call up Lebron and ask him to come with me and hit up some pickup basketball at the park. I'm gonna go play with some of my younger cousins who are like 3 feet tall and smack the ball down every time they shoot it. If your friend is more conventionally attractive and presents herself in a way that seems effective in attracting guys, don't sit next to her expecting a guy who'd rather go for the silver than the gold. If it sounds shallow, that's because it is. That's not saying you're any worse a catch than she is, but that meeting guys on a Friday night generally isn't going to come down to content or character, but overall physical attraction. I had a friend who could walk up to pretty much any woman and work some magic. When it comes to bars and clubs, I've got the weakest cold-calling game in history. I never kicked myself over it. I just played to my strengths elsewhere and didn't have any illusions that I could walk up next to my friend to a woman at a bar and win her attention. Link to comment
NightLily Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 Look, a lot of it is personality and how you present yourself. Look your best and be outgoing, smile a lot, talk to different guys. Don't just look for random dudes to hook up with. One will bite. Link to comment
Sarah3000 Posted October 21, 2016 Author Share Posted October 21, 2016 Thank you for your replys, your right i have got to not be jealous of my friend doing her thing (i do feel bad that im Jealous) but thats my own insecuritys.... Just very hard to accept that i dont have that hot look but then that is a different ballgame alltogether and i feel like my friend and that guy ARE going to hook up and it makes me feel uneasy and i shouldnt because then that means i care (again being jealous) Just some people find it so easy to find male attention and she is never single for long she always finds someone new to sleep with, i understand we are not all going to be the same people in life (confidence, personality etc...) so people will tend to be different to dating than others I think i am just upset because i am wanting a male partner and i am not finding it and when i feel i look good, that friday kind of destroyed me abit (luckily the men i have never been interested in UNTIL the one from the past has now shown sudden interest) I will try to find differenr friends to hang with and yep it is what it is....someone is always going to be prettier Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted October 21, 2016 Share Posted October 21, 2016 Finding a guy to sleep with and finding a relationship are two entirely different things. Rather than hunting for guys in clubs/bars as her wing-woman get on some dating apps, go to other places, join some groups or do things that interest you. Widen your social circle to get out of this pick-up bar mentality. she always finds someone new to sleep with Link to comment
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